There was this awesome NES game called the Adventures of Lolo.
I really liked that game because, one, I could sympathize with Lolo, who lost the chick.
And you know, round chicks they need to be rescued, too.
And I could sympathize with that.
This game reminds me of that game in the sense that, after playing it, I...it just makes
me want to go play Lolo.
I’m not sure that’s a good thing for Pet Alien.
So this is a Nintendo DS puzzler, uh...that frankly isn’t very good.
Uh, it’s got 60 puzzle level things that you’ve got to work through much like Lolo.
You know?
You control these little aliens, uh, and then you collect gems.
Once you collect all the gems, you escape the level, you move onto the next level...
Seriously, can I just...can I go play Lolo now?
I guess the neat thing is that each alien, uh, has a special skill or ability.
So, you know, some of them can bash through bricks, some of them can use their tongue
to reach gems that are just out of reach...which seems disgusting, but...you know, I mean,
who licks a gem?
That’s a terrible...that’s...that is not good hygiene.
And I don’t care what planet you’re from.
That’s disgusting.
The puzzles are fine, I guess.
They’re really simple, very linear, you know...there’s not a whole lot of room for
creativity in these puzzle solutions.
There’s one way to do it, and then when you do it, you did it.
Congratulations.
Now get to the exit and go do it again.
Do it again and again.
I mean, like I said, do it...just repeat that for, like, 80 times.
And then that’s Pet Alien.
Although I...and I have no idea why it’s called Pet Alien.
Uh, because, I...you...there’s no Nintendogs element.
That’s what I expected, you know?
I expected this to be, like, you know...a pet simulator mixed with a puzzle game.
Like, we merged the DNA of, like...you know, kind of like how the aliens when they are
abducting people, they are creating these hybrids between aliens and humans.
I expected this to be a hybrid between puzzle and pet simulator.
I guess what I’m trying to say is I expected this to be like a game that was abducted by
aliens.
Uh, that is...that’s how science works.
And of course, being simple and linear, it’s also very easy.
And you know, coming from me, that says a lot because I’m not very good at video games.
These puzzles will not test you.
Uh, so, you know...you get the sense, obviously, this is a game for younger audiences.
And I’ve got to tell you, for younger audiences, it’s probably just fine.
I mean, if I were a little kid, this would be fine, you know?
I mean, I’m too young to even know what a Lolo is, so you know, why not play Pet Alien?
Even though it’s sort of false advertising.
Because if I were a little kid, I’d be dumb enough to think, “Oh, hey...I should be
able to pet my alien with my stylus.
And I cannot.”
Nonetheless, if you have a little kid...you know, if you’ve...if you’ve procreated,
if you’ve sired a child...I guess this is a thing that you could consider.
You know, especially when they annoy you, I’ve been...you know...they’re here to
replace us.
You do know that.
I don’t know why you’d even have one.
I know their plans.
They’re here to replace us.
And that’s why they whine and complain and they, “Ugh,” in the back of the car, they
go, “Ugh.”
And then you buy them Pet Alien, and then they shut up for a while.
You know what?
I’m actually going to recommend NOT doing that.
Because you want to hear their plans.
You want to know what they’re thinking.
You want to know when they plan to strike.
Do not give them Pet Alien.
Maybe you could play Pet Alien if you like puzzle games and let your kid, you know...check
their backpack.
See what they’re up to.