- Give me some okra and some fried red snapper.
And girl, you know I want some chitlins.
- [Waitress] All right now.
- Y'all got ham hocks?
- [Waitress] Of course.
- Well, that's what I want.
I want a plate of ham hocks, deep-fried, blackened,
and served on a bed of mustard greens.
- Pig feet.
I want some pig feet and four pounds of grits.
And oh, oh! And-and you know what else?
Give me a little Dixie cup full of lard.
(upbeat beatbox music)
(tense music)
- Drew, come forward.
- Yes, Chef.
This is a chicken quiche with cremini mushrooms,
baby spinach, and feta cheese.
(tense music)
- Unbelievable.
Well, Drew, I have a huge problem with this dish.
(dramatic thud) (suspenseful music)
It's that you haven't made it for me sooner.
(uplifting music)
- Thank you, Chef.
- Because if you had, Drew,
then I would know how good you are
at cooking food that's bad.
(dramatic thud) (suspenseful music)
- I'm sorry, Chef.
- And when I say, "bad," I mean, Michael Jackson bad.
(uplifting music)
- Thank you, Chef.
- You know how he looked really, really bad
at the end of his life?
(dramatic thud) (suspenseful music)
- Chef, I'm sorry.
I don't know if you like the dish or not.
- You don't know if I like the dish or not?
Well, let's put it this way.
Pack your (bleep) knives, get out, you're off the show.
- Sorry, Chef.
- Because you should be working
in the finest restaurant in the world.
(uplifting music)
- Thank you, Chef.
- Just not any world that I live in.
(dramatic thud) (suspenseful music)
- Sorry, Chef.
- Because, frankly, Drew, I'm jealous of you.
- Thank you, Chef.
- And your ability to not give a (bleep)
about what you cook.
This is not fit for human consumption.
No, this should be eaten by a higher life-form
with a more complex palate,
but also an altruistic drive
to save humanity from dishes like this.
Joking. Not! You deserve to die!
(Gideon screaming)
So you won't have to endure a life
in which you will never exceed
what you have achieved here today.
(uplifting music)
- Thank you, Chef.
- In conclusion...
Eh.
- No, I'm good.
- You hungry?
- I could eat, yeah, man.
Um, what you want? Uh...
Pizza? Chinese?
- (clicks tongue) Kill that noise, man.
I got a Ratatouille.
(rat squeaking)
- Oh, (bleep)! That's a rat, dude!
- Nah, it ain't.
That's a Ratatouille, yo.
Hey, Ratatouille, go make my man a sandwich.
Yeah, show him what you got.
(rat squeaking)
- What the (bleep), son?
You got a rat up in your house?
What does mean?
- I don't know what to say, man.
I got a Ratatouille, man.
He a chef just like in all that movies, man.
- No, no. Hey, there's only...
There's only one movie, Levi, all right?
And he's not a ratatouille, he's a rat.
And his name is Remy.
- Potato, potato.
- Potato...
- I gots myself some Ratatouille, that's all I know.
(rat squeaking)
Order up.
- [Cedric] Damn! Come on, Levi!
- Voila.
- Levi, look at this thing, man.
You see it got bite marks all over it.
- Any good chef has to taste his creation.
- That's rat (bleep) on the sandwich.
- He did make a sandwich, though.
- Oh, hell no. I'm out.
My dude, you need help.
(playful music)
- Oh, well, Ratatouille, another negative review.
Maybe you want it, Charlotte's Web.
(playful music)
(upbeat music)
- Ha-ha!
- There he is. - Hey, hey, hey, what's up?
- Hey, man. What up, man?
- Hey, here's the deal.
100% grass-fed Japanese Kobe beef, $35 a pound.
- That's what I'm talking about.
All right, let's grill these little homies up.
(grill sizzling)
- All right, all right.
Oh, is that ground chuck, man?
(laughs) No offense,
I ain't trying to park my Bentley next to your Toyota,
you know what I'm saying? (laughs)
- Come on, man.
- Oh, you just putting them
right next to the frozen patties.
Yeah, all right.
- Hey, relax, man.
I'm gonna cook them good.
- Okay. (chuckles) Yeah.
- All right, so how's Theresa doing?
- She's good. She's good.
She's sad she couldn't be here.
You know, she's got a closing today.
You want to flash-cook those, because they're real lean.
You know, they're grass-fed.
So you just want to probably flip them right-right now.
All right.
- Hey, who wants cheese on their burger?
- Nobody, nobody. Nobody wants cheese!
- Anybody want a double burger?
- No, nobody wants a double burger.
We're not gonna double.
That's like putting a diamond ring on a pig hoof.
I'm sorry, but the grass that these cows ate
costs more than this house.
- All right, no double burgers.
- Right, no double-
- Hey. What the hell?
- You may as well just poop on that.
- What?
- You just ketchup-raped my Kobe burger.
This was a mistake. This...
No, no, no. Uh-uh.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
See, this meat came all the way over here
form the Pacific Ocean by boat,
because the air pressure wouldn't ruin its integrity.
Give me that.
You are not worthy.
Give me that burger.
This is ridiculous. This is 126...
Oh, this little mother...
(dog whimpers)
$126 worth of beef.
Y'all not worthy.
- Did he take my dog?
(phone ringing)
- Hello, thanks for calling Mario's Pizza.
This is Carlos speaking.
- Hello.
We would like a large pie
with pepperoni pineapple and cheesy crust.
- Large pepperoni with pineapple and cheesy crust.
- We would also like a large pie with bacon pineapple
and cheesy crust.
- Large bacon pineapple with cheesy crust, okay.
Is that gonna complete your order, sir?
- You know what, let me gauge the room.
Uh, guys, are we gonna want another pizza?
Let me just...
Who's hungry? Show of hands.
Let me see 'em.
One, two, three-- keep 'em up-- four, five, six.
- [Carlos] Ah, having a party. (chuckles)
- Yeah, pretty big one, too.
Come on, guys, keep 'em up.
Hugo, Summer, Hans, food?
You know what, let's play it safe.
Let's get another pie with ham pineapple.
- All right, ham.
Oh, you guys gonna need cheesy crust on that third?
- Good question, I'll gauge the room.
Hey, guys, do we want cheesy crust on the third?
Okay, yeesh.
That is a resounding yes for cheesy crust on the third.
Claire says you read her mind.
- Claire, huh? I like that name.
- It's a good one.
Oh, also, my boy Andy over here is saying
you have something called chicken poppers?
- Is she cute?
- [Customer] Who's that, and what now?
- Claire.
- Oh.
Her body's like a four.
Anyway, we would also-
- [Carlos] Well, h-how do you mean?
- Ha. Let's just say she's kind of a big girl.
- That's all good.
That's all superficial, man.
I like Claire for what's inside.
- You don't even know Claire.
- Yo, but for real though,
I feel like I do know Claire, man.
Put me on the phone with her.
- Uh.
You don't need to speak to Claire.
- No, I do.
- (sighs) You know what?
I gotta level with you, man.
I (bleep) her.
- Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
I-I didn't mean to get in between you guys.
- No, it's quite all right. (chuckles)
- 'Twas a while ago, before she blimped up.
My current girlfriend's Liv.
Body, 10.
Face, 10.
But anyway, Claire, yeah, I hit that sexually.
And, uh, as did my boy Hugo.
Hell, even Bubba got some of that.
So just wanted you to know, used goods, used goods.
- So you wouldn't care if I asked her out?
- Well...
Let me do it for you.
Hey, Claire, this guy from the pizza place
wants to date you, too poor?
All right, I'll let him down easy.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no!
(light emotional music)
Tell her that no, I'm not a rich man.
But I'm a good man.
Tell her, "Claire, I believe in destiny.
And I believe that we've always known
that our soulmate was out there.
The moment that we had that unspoken connection
about the cheesy crust,
I realized that you were always the one.
Because, and I know this sounds corny,
but that moment,
was just like
simple.
(emotional music)
- Wow. You really do care about Claire.
(Carlos chuckles)
- I do.
(glass smashing)
- Oh, my God, Claire just got shot!
- What? No!
- Oh, it just came through the window, it was a bullet!
- What? - Hit her in the neck.
Oh, Claire's down! She's dead! She's dead!
I'm calling the cops, she's dead!
(phone beeping)
- Claire!
No!
- Chinese it is.
- I'm so glad we could bring this project
to this neighborhood.
- Oh, it's so rich in history.
- Yeah.
I grew up in a neighborhood like this.
- Oh, yeah, I grew up in a neighborhood exactly like this.
- All right, welcome to Mama Sugarback's.
Y'all ready to order?
- Yeah.
Can I have a chicken fried steak with gravy and a cola?
- Okay.
- I will have the baked beef short ribs with collard greens,
and throw down some of that cornbread.
- [Waitress] All right, babe.
- You know what? Hold up a second.
I'm also gonna have some of them collard greens
and cornbread as well,
but hook a brother up with some of them hot links.
- All right. - All right.
- (chuckles) You know what? Why am I trying to front?
Scratch all that.
Give me some okra and some fried red snapper.
And girl, you know I want some chitlins.
- [Waitress] All right, now.
- Y'all got ham hocks?
- [Waitress] Of course.
- Well, that's what I want.
I want a plate of ham hocks, deep-fried, blackened,
and served on a bed of mustard greens.
- Pig feet.
I want some pig feet and four pounds of grits.
And oh, oh! And-and you know what else?
Gimme a little Dixie cup full of lard, all right?
- I just remembered what I want.
A bowl of mosquitoes.
None of them tiny ones either,
give me them big mother(bleep) you find down at the swamps.
- Sister, could you please hook a brother up
with a rusty bucket full of fish heads
wrapped in razor wire?
- Donkey teeth.
- Donkey teeth?
- Straight out a donkey's mouth.
You know what? (bleep) it.
Any animal tooth will do.
I want you to stick it in some honey glaze,
fry it with fat back,
and serve it in an old tin coffee can.
- Forget everything I said up to this point right now.
Bring me some dandelion greens, a cow hip, and a dog face.
Wrap that whole mess in an old Ebony magazine,
and serve it to me in a shoebox.
- Okay, I want a platter of stork ankles,
an old cellar door, a possum spine,
and a human foot.
- You want a human foot?
- Mm-hmm.
- I got just one question for y'all.
You want gravy on that cellar door?
- Oh, definitely.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, you gotta put gravy on that.
- What's a cellar door without gravy?
- It's not food. (laughs)
(dramatic thud)
It's really... (chokes)
(upbeat beatbox music)
♪ All I want is ♪
♪ But I don't need you ♪