there's a song that's inside of my
soul so i'm currently on a walk and i just almost saw a car crash literally scared the [ __ ] out of
me but oh my god you guys i feel so good out right now wow i think that walking 74 degree weather
when the sun is not out is the best it feels so good for the people asking about me wearing flats
they're actually more comfortable for me because they're actually something like i'm used to
so i've been on a walk for easily over 20 minutes i say about actually 18. and i forgot to turn on
the mile tracker i'm very upset with that just since i've been sick i've been so bored wanting
to get out of bed so i was like you know what i'm gonna go for a walk i honestly wasn't expecting to
walk this far so i think that's maybe why like subconsciously i didn't turn on my maps i don't
know the app i use is called map my walk and it'll track how you walk um the calories burned
on it is not accurate for me but there's also like a step counter stuff like that and usually
gonna go for a little walk some of you were wondering if i have tennis shoes i do and i
decided to wear them today i hate them not cute but i'm gonna wear them for my little walk outside
i'm probably gonna hate every minute of it because my feet really are used to flats
now here i am wearing flats and they freaking hurt because ever since i started working i wear
tennis shoes every day my foot has officially like formed itself into my tennis shoe so now
when i wear any other type of shoe or i'm not wearing shoes at all my feet just hurt really
all right so i'm just sitting on some stairs just taking a little break i'm at four thousand five
hundred and thirty one steps i wanted to reach 5500 today so i definitely still have some time
i'm listening to spotify uh that's some fun there's like some lizzo on there nicki minaj
uh kanye west i really like him oh we have work [ __ ] by britney spears on here i'm down
so that's just what i'm listening to currently i'm listening to outside by
calvin harris and ellie goldstein
i'm just hating that like summer's here and it's like hot and gross like i miss spring already like
the beginning of spring when it was still kind of like chilly and stuff i hate summer weather
especially when the tornadoes decide to come and like love the house sound like i'm good i'm
off like i'm just get off of that so i think it's time i'll shoot i should be okay i think
it's time i should get up and keep going hey so let's do this thing gotta reach 5500 by midnight
we have about an hour left
so i'm just taking a little walk got my tennies on instead of my flats it is muggy
muggy it feels so disgusting like it feels wet i mean it was raining earlier i should have brought
my keys for the mailbox i forgot so i just did some walking and i'm just sitting on this rock
i was just thinking like there's this trail i really want to
go on because there's like this bridge moment where you get to like walk over the
road like i really really want to do it but like my 572.4 pound knee my bed bound me makes me feel
scared too because it's like but it's like if i ever did fall say like out in public what if i
fell in public in the middle of nowhere like at the store or just like walking in a parking lot
how would i get up how would i get up like literally how would i get up in the parking lot
um oh my god so many cars i'm getting anxiety wait a minute i'll be right back
so my bed bound me my past self me it feels like i can't do it but it's like i know i can especially
like if i didn't walk super fast i kind of just like enjoyed it and stuff like that it's like
no i can't walk miles and miles but i can walk some of the trail you know
so i'm just so excited for fall because walking in the summer is just not cute like i'm so hot
like ew but yeah i see a trail in my future in my horizon is anyone else a people watcher like
you have to really like pay attention to people and like your surroundings when you're in public
me so i'm like always looking at people and like i don't know i kind of look like a creep i'm like
what do you do what are you doing i don't know i think it's like an anxiety thing plus it's good
to be aware of your surroundings so anyways i'm gonna stop rambling and i'm gonna keep on walking
all right just got back from my walk that feeling of taking off your shoes
after a walk is pretty splendid when i walk with my tennis shoes i get out of breath faster
love me a stare moment oh the days when i used to be able to run down the stairs highly doubt
that can happen anytime soon oh i'm just going for a walk i don't know my headspace is just
not the greatest lately and it's like i'm so confused i was loving vlogging but now
i'm in a low so it's like vlogging just i don't know i just feel so disconnected
tomorrow will be two weeks since i fell and i think a lot of you were like why are you talking
about this just imagine walking as a skinny person on torn ligaments that [ __ ] hurts
now imagine adding a 500 pound brick on top of that it has changed my life um in the last two
weeks i have fought so hard to not be bedridden or bed bound but i use my bed for sleeping
and i use my bed for the making love aspects of my relationship like this isn't this isn't the vibe
like this was the vibe in 2019 but the this ain't the vibe now but i do want to
say one more thing here's the photo of where i fell in this circle there is like a little
there is a whole a gap if you will in between the grass and the sidewalk where i fell
that proves it's all right this is the shoe that went inside of that hole
you can see the dirt where literally the tip of my foot went into it
and it made my ankle twist why the [ __ ] you lying why you always lying
oh my god stop [ __ ] lying i don't know how else to explain this to you guys it could have happened
to anybody had nothing to do with my weight and like just imagine you're walking you're vlogging
not paying attention and all of a sudden your foot goes half off the sidewalk inside of a hole
and partially into a grass section you're gonna fall and hurt yourself and how my ankle twisted
gave me messed up ligaments it is what it is and i actually am never gonna talk about this again
we will never talk about this again um i'm not going to talk about my specialist
appointments about it i'm not going to talk about anything any other tests i get done
the progress i'm making nothing we're just never speaking about my ankle ever again because
i'm wearing the wrong shoes and this is higher than it looks okay you guys i can't i'm scared
i'm actually scared right now
wow that's a big step
there's a song that's inside of my soul
it's the one that i've tried to write over
you again to me
oh