What up, everyone? It's your girl, Superwoman, and if you're a human being, chances are, at least once in your life, you've been in this situation
Whether it's because of a family party, or you're babysitting, or someone's staying at your house for the weekend,
you get forced to take care of some random child. Your cousin, your nephew, your neighbor, your mom's
uncle's baby boy's friends. [mumbles] Doesn't matter, you're watching everybody's kids. And
usually the evening of terror starts a little something like this:
- Oh, Lilly! Come downstairs!
- Yeah?
- I have surprise for you. Come!
- Really, what is it?
Come on, new car, come on baby new leather seats...
Yessssss, whatchu talkin' 'bout mom?
- Lilly, look who's here! Come, your friend, look!
- My who?
- Look! You have someone to play with now, ah!
- My who?
- This is Karan. He's going to stay with us because his parents are going to India. He's going to stay with us and have fun, ah!
- Ok, wait. I'm confused. Does he come with the car?
- Oh my God, you two gonna be best friends,
you're gonna have so much fun, ah!
- [in agony] Why? WHY?
My mom always does this. She tries to convince me that I should be excited about the situation.
I'm 25 years old, mom, okay? I don't need any more friends. I'm completely content with the 700 fake Facebook friends
I have. What was that other thing...?
Minor detail; this kid is 10 years old! If I wanted to hang out with annoying immature brats,
I would just call the friends I already have.
Just kidding. Love you.
Pssh! Surprised, she says, [sarcastically] surprised! You know what would be surprised, if you call me downstairs and tell me that dad is finally
gonna let us turn on the heat in the winter. Okay. That would be a surprise. I 'd be like
(surprised face)
But this is not a bloody surprise! Okay, so I'm standing there and you already know what comes next: that upward little conversation
where an auntie or uncle tries to get the kid to say hello to you politely,
but the kid's just awkward and shy, and you just don't care.
- Karan, say hello!
Say namaste! Say!
(whimpers)
Karan, you have to say hello, okay?
- [shyly] Hi.
- No, no. With two hands, okay. Say [incoherent], Lilly, auntie!
- [still shyly, but with two hands] Hi.
- 'Sup?
- No, not like this, look, like this, say [incoherent], Lilly, auntie!
- Honestly, it's fine, I don't really care.
I don't even care.
Mom, stop!
- Good boy, good! [kisses] Good boy. Ok, go play.
- [sarcastically] Yay!
And so, it begins. From that point on, the child gets passed on to you. And usually the beginning
is super awkward because the kid is so shy and has no social skills.
But I have learned that every single time, in this situation, without fail, that phase will last approximately
5 minutes until that child drops some sort of bomb on you, and then doesn't shut up
So, what do you want to do?
How old are you?
Okay...
- Sometimes, my imaginary friend gets mad when I talk to other people.
Shut up! I wanna talk to her!
Hey, what's this? What's this?
- Don't touch it!
- Oh! Look at it, paper!
Look at it! What does it do?
Lilly, can I play with this?
- No.
- Stop it!
- Put it down.
- Please!
- Put--
- How does this work? How do I turn it on?
- No! You know what, actually, I think it's broken.
- Oh! Fixed it.
- Oh really?
- Nope, broke it.
Lilly, this Xbox control you gave me does not work.
- Shh. Why don't we play hide and seek, okay?
- Okay!
- Okay? Cool.
One, two,
three...
[giggles]
- Oh my God, where are you?
I can't find you, you're so good.
- I'm in the closet.
- What? Where? I can't see you.
- Pssst!
One, two,
three...
Found you.
- Oh my -- you're so good!
- You didn't even hide!
- What are you talking about? I was trying to be the sofa. Look at me.
- Do you kiss people on the lips? Because you look a lot like my sister, and she kisses a lot of people on the lips.
- It's just a downward spiral of whack sauce.
Just save me [incoherent]
But, as annoying as kids are, there are some instances where it's beneficial to have a kid around. For example,
Instagram. Because everybody knows that pictures with kids get the most likes, okay?
So we about to be BFFs in these selfies
- So then, Michael told me that I--
- Shh. Shh. Could you be quiet for a second? Come, let's take a picture.
- Why?
- Because I'm older and I said so. Get over here.
Smile. Bigger. Like you love me, come on!
No. Look cuter
Or, when you want to appear to be wifey or hubby material because everybody knows that nothing is harder than your boyfriend or girlfriend
appearing to be good with kids such a turn-on, and I'm gonna turn this on all the way!
[phone rings]
Karan, get over here.
- Why?
- I need you to laugh. Get over here and laugh.
- I don't want to laugh.
- Come here and laugh! Okay.
[laughs very uncomfortably]
Hey, babe! What's going on?
[still laughing uncofortably]
Oh, we were just chillin', hanging out, you know. there you go. You know.
- [whispers] Is he the person you kiss on the mouth?
- Shut up.
No, I can't talk right now, sir. We're just -- I'm just having fun with my new bestie
Talk to you later. Bye bye.
Get away from me.
And don't even get me started on Snapchat, okay, because every stupid thing this kid does right now is a Snapchat opportunity.
- Fun fact: I'm a really good dancer.
- Really? You should so show me.
- Oh -- okay.
It's good, right?
- Yeah
But soon enough, even those benefits are not enough because my brain is being eaten
because this child thinks all of his problems are such a big deal.
- So we were at P.E. and Tonya was like
'you can't throw this ball far', and I was like, 'yes I can,
I can even throw it farther than the far that you think you're farthing at' so I was like okay, fine
I'll throw it. I threw it and went really really really far, and Tonya was like
I wasn't looking and I was like 'that's so unfair' and
I hate it when people question whether I can throw a ball far enough, and
[starts to cry]
I didn't run away
- Really?
You know, I don't think you threw the ball that far, so
Like stop! Stop being so selfish and delusional,
My God, such a child! What about me, huh? What about my problems -- For example: yesterday.
I called my friends saying 'hey, I think I'm gonna wear red to the party' and guess what happens.
I go to the party -- she's also wearing red.
How are you gonna wear red if I said I'm wearing red? Honestly, no one ever pays attention to the color I'm wearing.
Everyone does this to me, and that's why I'm gonna move out.
But, you know, funny thing because as annoying as this kid is, every time a kid leaves me,
I feel like my heart melts a little bit because, maybe I actually liked them.
- So, I gotta go Lilly.
[crying dramatically]
I mean, even though I was a jerk, that boy enjoyed spending time with me
Why can't all boys be like this?
Huge shoutout to my little bro Karan Brar for being in this video. If you don't know who he is, then you're missing out on
life. Check out the links in the description. Follow him on Twitter, like him on Facebook, all that jazz. He's just a little cutie pattootie.
Also make sure you read comments and click that subscribe button because I do make new videos every Monday and Thursday
One love Superwoman. That is a wrap, and
zoop!