Viewer's question is on tape so let's listen.
Okay.
So I'm attending a virtual wedding
in a couple of months
and I'm just not sure how much I should spend on a gift.
I know normally you're supposed to base it off of how much
they would be spending on your plate,
but I'm just not sure if that changes
based on the fact that
I'm not actually attending the wedding.
So let me know what you think.
Oh.
I honestly didn't even know about
the cost of your plate
versus the gift role.
So I guess I'm super ignorant of all that.
And John and I married so late, we just ask people to...
If they wanted to do anything,
make a donation to something
that we cared about as a couple.
What a great question.
There's so many virtual weddings its like...
Because people don't
wanna wait to make that commitment.
So this has become a really big thing.
Absolutely.
I'll tell you, Rachel.
Weddings are the number one question.
I'm actually attending a wedding this weekend,
my first time out of New York City
since the pandemic started.
So I'm dealing with all those etiquette issues as well,
but specifically with respect to the gift,
several things.
You are absolutely not ignorant.
In fact I'm so glad to hear you've said
that you were unaware of that rule,
that rule.
Many many people think that their gifts
should be tied to the amounts
that the couple is spending on you as a guest
at their wedding.
And that is,
nothing could be farther from the truth.
First of all,
how are you as a guest supposed to have any concept
of how much your dinner cost?
So this is not...
A wedding is not a fundraiser.
It is not a quid pro quo.
So you should never in pandemic times or not
be tagging the value you spend on a gift
to how much you anticipate they may have spent on you.
It's guided by two factors.
And those factors really remain
the same pandemic or not.
And it's number one.
How close are you to the couple?
Are they lifelong friends?
Are they family members?
Are they people really near?
Are they just starting out their lives together?
So that's number one.
And number two is what can you afford?
Now that's a question
that's got some nuance these days
because as we know so many people have been furloughed
or are out of work.
Are really down to maybe one income in their households.
So if for any reason you were feeling that you were
financially struggling and you wanna support the company
at the couple and show your love for them,
but don't have the money to do so
in the way that you would like,
always include a thoughtful card,
and in that card,
I would specifically say, don't be embarrassed,
specifically say,
I love you both so much.
And it pains me not to be able to give you more
or to give you something super special.
As you know,
I'm going through a tough financial time right now.
However, you're very near and dear to me.
And I look forward to the time when
I can prepare a wonderful meal for you,
we can celebrate together,
or I can give you something that really shows
and displays my true love for you.
And that really is the way to handle it.
But all things being equal,
if your financial circumstances have not changed,
the amount you give
should be identical to what you would give
if you were bogging down on the dance floor
and enjoying something at a wonderful penthouse hotel
or a backyard reception,
no difference there.
Same amount as you would pre pandemic.
Yeah I think that
a personal letter,
a heartfelt note,
not just a store bought card,
I mean it is an occasion
that's supposed to be about the heart.
Even something as simple as a book that really meant
something to you in your life
and it brought you some more meaning to your life.
I don't think it's about the money.
I think it's about the emotion.
I love that.
It's such a beautiful answer, very thoughtful answer.
And I think that that should be the case always,
not pandemic days.
Just always. I agree with you.
You and I we gonna start a campaign for that.
Yeah, let's do it.
Let's do it.
I still write handwritten notes to everybody.
As they all everybody.... I'd love to do that.
All of my friends that are
far away,
but always in my heart
and have my back know that
I am a pen and paper girl.