Donald Trump may have lost the 2020 election,
but that's only if you count all the votes against him.
(scoffs)
The good news, though, is that doesn't mean
he walked away from the race empty-handed.
Well, Trump supporters may have gotten or given
more than they bargained for
when they donated to his re-election campaign.
A New York Times investigation found that people who thought
they were sending a single donation were charged
over and over again by his campaign operation
in what the Times calls an intentional scheme
to boost revenue.
Recurring online donations were set up by default.
Here is how that fine print disclaimer looked.
Take a look at this. It was buried--
that tiny line at the bottom of the first yellow box
calls for a weekly recurring donation.
NEWSWOMAN 2: Hundreds of thousands of people
had money withdrawn without their knowledge,
leading to a record amount of fraud claims
against more than 64 million bucks in refunds
in the last months of 2020.
NEWSWOMAN 3: A 63-year-old man willing initially contributed
$500 to the Trump campaign.
When the man had his bank account
repeatedly charged $500
several times in the weeks to come,
to the tune of $3,000 in less than 30 days.
God damn!
Say what you want about Donald Trump,
but this man is a legend.
His last act as president
was to rob his own supporters.
They loved him so much they stormed the capitol for him
and, meanwhile, he was, like,
"You go on ahead, I'll watch your stuff.
Leave your wallet here, Bobby, I got you."
What's most surprising to me is that Trump's base
didn't expect this from him.
Because, guys, if you know Donald Trump at all,
you should know that he will scam anyone.
That's why even when Melania is at home,
she still takes her purse with her to the bathroom.
I'm going pee-pee now.
Credit card comes with me, Donald.
Now, you'd probably think that after getting scammed,
his supporters would have second thoughts about him,
but it turns out some of the victims
still say that they are loyal to Donald Trump.
I mean, how far does he have to go
for these guys to stop believing in him?
Well, sure, I missed that checked box
that let Trump take my nose,
but that's my fault.
I would still shake the man's hand...
if I had a hand, because I missed that check box, too.
And finally, there's another political story that we missed
while we were off the air last week.
And, you know, normally, when we miss a political scandal,
we just say, "Ah, big deal," and we wait for the next one,
'cause it's fine-- scandals about politicians
come around more often than YouTuber apologies.
But this story is so insane
that we just have to talk about it.
NEWSWOMAN: Stunning new allegations that
Florida Republican Matt Gaetz paid women for sex.
The Justice Department is investigating
whether the congressman and a local Florida politician
gave cash or other items of value to multiple women
who were recruited online to sleep with them.
The men allegedly told women to meet at hotels
and that some of the encounters
reportedly involved the drug ecstasy.
The inquiry is also examining whether Gaetz
had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old girl
and possibly violated sex trafficking laws.
Sources tell us that as a member of the Florida
House of Representatives, female colleagues referred to him
as "creepy Gaetz"
because he made them feel so uncomfortable.
Once in Congress, sources say Gaetz allegedly boasted
of his sexual encounters with women and would
allegedly try to show colleagues photos and videos
of naked women he'd claimed he'd slept with,
one source saying he tried to show him video
of a naked woman with a hula hoop.
Okay, this...
is...
crazy!
Matt Gaetz, Florida congressman
and only living relative of Beavis and Butthead,
being accused of sex crimes.
And there a lot of different accusations happening here.
Now, do I think that Matt Gaetz looks like a guy
who shows photos of naked women to people at work?
Yes.
But...
do I think that he would have paid for sex?
Yeah, definitely.
But do I think that he's the kind of guy
who would take ecstasy
and have sex with an underage girl?
Also yes.
So, really, there's only one question left for Gaetz.
Does he deny all of the charges,
or does he admit to everything and just become king of Florida?
And don't forget, these allegations
would be criminal no matter what,
but the fact he's in Congress makes them even worse,
because at what point
in the day is he showing all of these nude videos?
And that's why Americans should be free
to choose their own health care!
And speaking of free--
check out these titties!