People write into us both at The
Marriage Foundation and a Premarital
Academy
and they ask questions and
we try to help. This one came in
that, "My fiance hates my family,"
and that's not good. My name is Paul
Friedman, I founded The Marriage
Foundation
And our sister organization Premarital
Academy,
and if this is already happening you
need to really
examine what you're about to get into
that's important. Now, it could be you
hardly ever see your family
and so your fiance, I mean it's already a
problem
for one of you to be
expressing hatred
towards the part of you that raised you.
Don't you see that?
The trouble is we get married as a next
step
when we should be really reviewing
one another. We should be determining
whether the person we're about to marry
has the same kind of principles
that you have, the same morality,
the same desires. I mean
don't you want to get married in order
to be happier for the rest of your life.
Don't you want to get married
in order to feel love?
So how is this
hatred going to contribute to that?
How is it? It's coming up already even
before you're married.
You're probably living together
because that's typically the way people
do it nowadays
so it's a little bit more sticky.
It's sticky enough when we have
sex before we get married, and I'm not a
moralist condemning that.
I'm just saying the more
connections
that we create between one another, the
more
inevitable it is that we're going to end
up spending a lot of years together.
And I say a lot of years together rather
than a lifetime together
because this kind of issue,
it's not that they hate your family
that's not the big
issue. It's that they don't know how to
control that.
They don't know how to contain that and
I'm guessing there's no good
reason for them to hate your family.
So you really need to take a look at
this and decide
because it's not going to do any good to
get rid of your family
to walk away from your family because
the hatred part,
the ability to express this is part of
their character
and you have to decide whether that part
of their character
is worth it. Do you want your children
being raised in environment
where one of the parents expresses
themselves
like that? You get married to be happy.
You get married to feel love constantly,
ever
expanding love, ever expanding happiness
so be very very careful.
You should subscribe to these videos. You
should learn about marriage.
You should go to the premarital
education
website and see what there is to offer.
You need to
learn about marriage. You need to learn
about what you're getting into
because you can have the most phenomenal
marriage
with the most phenomenal person who's
ever lived
but you have to know how to get that.
Thank you for spending time with me! God
bless! Take care!
If you have more questions, write in
go to themarriagefoundation.org. There is
a
tab that says "Ask a Counselor" so you can
get lots of information.
Take care!