>>> NOW WE RETURN TO 1955. WHAT DO YOU FIGURE IS GOING ON
IN THAT HOUSE? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]
>> WELL SISTER, TODAY IS THE DAY.
>> YES. THE CORPORAL IS COMING FOR A
VISIT TO PICK A WIFE. >> YES, THAT'S RIGHT.
HE'S GOING TO PICK BETWEEN US SISTERS, WHOEVER IS THE MOST
BEAUTIFUL. >> WELL, WE KNOW HE'LL TAKE ME.
I'M GORGEOUS. >> YES.
>> DID I MISS THE CORPORAL? >> YOU'LL TELL ME WHEN HE'S
HERE, RIGHT? >> ABSOLUTELY.
>> WELL, I HOPE HE LIKES LOOKING AT ME.
WHY DO WE KEEP ALL THESE MIRRORS COVERED?
I WISH I KNEW WHAT I LOOKED LIKE.
>> NO, YOU DON'T. >> YES, YOU LOOK LIKE A TOAD.
>> YES LIKE A STINKY MAN FOOT. >> YES, LOOK.
WE HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> OH, THAT'S ME? >> YES.
THIS IS THE BEST ONE WE'VE GOT. >> YES, NOW GO BACK UPSTAIRS.
>> YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME. >> SEEING HER MAKES ME WANT TO
PUT ON A LOT OF MAKE-UP. >> I'LL PUT ON SOME ROUGE TO
IMPRESS THE CORPORAL. >> YES.
WELL, SO WILL I. HE'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO FIND
ME GORGEOUS. >> YES.
AND I'LL PUT ON MORE. SO I'LL BE SO PINK HE'LL HAVE TO
MAKE ME HIS WIFE. >> YES, WELL SISTER, YOU LOOK
STRESSED. HERE, I MADE YOU A DRINK.
>> WHY, THAT'S A CUP OF PILLS. >> AH SO IT IS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, YOU JUST REMINDED ME.
CARTIER SENT A NECKLACE FOR YOU. >> OH.
>> HERE, TRY THIS ON. >> WHY, THAT'S A ROPE.
>> OH, SILLY ME. >> WELL, SISTER, YOU HAVE SOME
LIPSTICK ON YOUR TEETH. HERE, I'LL GET IT.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S A SHOTGUN.
>> OH, WELL SO IT IS. I THOUGHT IT WAS A Q-TIP.
>> I HEARD A COMMOTION. HAS THE CORPORAL ARRIVED?
>> PLEASE, CAN'T I STAY? I'M GOING TO SEE THE MAN.
CAN'T I HAVE A PEEK? >> WHAT DO YOU THINK?
>> WELL, WE CAN'T HAVE HER BARGING IN HERE.
LET'S KEEP HER CLOSE BUT KEEP HER HIDDEN.
>> RIGHT, RIGHT. >> SISTER, YOU CAN STAY BUT YOU
HAVE TO BE A COAT RACK. >> WELL, OF COURSE.
BECAUSE OF HOW UGLY I AM. THANKS FOR REMINDING ME.
I'LL BE A COAT RACK. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NO, NO. >> THAT'S UGLY.
>> NO, THAT WON'T DUE. >> IS THERE A DOG IN HERE?
>> WE'LL PUT YOU IN THE BIRD CAGE.
>> YES. GOOD IDEA.
WHILE I'M IN HERE, I'LL MAKE MYSELF USEFUL AND POLISH THE
BARS. >> NO.
>> NO. >> NO.
THE CORPORAL WOULD HATE THAT. >> WE CAN'T HAVE HER MOVE.
>> WELL ITS TOO DAMN HOT WHEN SHE MOVES.
>> RIGHT. >> LET'S TIE HER TO THE BED.
>> YES. TIE MY HANDS ABOVE MY HEAD AND
MAKE SURE MY FEET ARE FAR APART SO I CAN'T UNTIE WITH MY TOES.
>> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? HEARING THAT OUT LOUD, THAT
SOUNDS UGLY. >> RIGHT, RIGHT.
MAYBE GRUNT A LOT SO HE KNOWS YOU'RE A TOAD.
>> OH, GOOD IDEA. GOOD IDEA.
OH! OH!
>> OKAY, MEN HATE THAT. AND EVEN I HATE THAT A LITTLE
BIT. >> SHE NEEDS TO BE SILENT.
>> GOOD IDEA. MAYBE -- MAYBE YOU SHOULD STUFF
A BIG SAUSAGE IN MY MOUTH. >> THAT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING.
>> YES. SISTER, TRYING TO HIDE HER IS
MAKING IT HARDER. >> YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE NEED TO TAKE CARE OF HER. SISTER, LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO
MEET THE CORPORAL, YOU'LL NEED TO KNOW HOW TO KISS.
♪♪♪ >> DO YOU THINK HE'D WANT TO
KISS ME? A GIRL WITH A DEADLY SHELLFISH
ALLERGY? >> WELL, THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO
PRACTICE ON THIS MAN. >> SO THAT'S WHAT A MAN LOOKS
LIKE? >> YES.
THEY'RE SMALL, AND THEY'RE LOBSTERS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
HELLO, YOU BIG HUNK. ♪♪♪
OH. OH, NO.
IT IS MAKING MY LIPS SWELL. OH, NO, HE'LL HATE THIS.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
WE HAVE TO SHOOT HER. [ GUN SHOTS ]
>> NO! >> NOW ITS STRAPLESS, AND SHE'S
GORGEOUS! >> YEAH, BUT SO ARE WE.
YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S STILL ANYBODY'S GAME.
>> OH, WHO WILL HE PICK? [ DOOR BELL ]
>> Together: THE CORPORAL! >> HER!
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]