Since Cinnamon Hitler took office,
there have been plenty of campaign promises
that he hasn't fulfilled--
building the wall, repealing Obamacare,
and of course, adding a swimsuit competition to the SATs.
But one promise Trump did keep
was passing a giant tax cut.
And since it went into effect eight months ago,
business is booming.
In fact, last quarter GDP hit four percent growth,
which is impressive.
The economy in America's been growing so fast,
if it were a sixth grader, it would be that weird boy
with the awkward mustache who doesn't know how to shave yet.
You know that kid? He's just like,
(voice cracking): I woke up one morning, and my GDP was huge!
But... But while it's true, while it's true
that corporate profits are much higher these days,
the idea was that they would pass some of the money along
to the people who work for them.
It's a theory known as "trickle down."
Right? Which, I'm sure, is what piqued
President Trump's interest immediately. He was like,
(mimics Trump): "Finally, all America
"will be showered with gold.
A golden shower, if you will, folks."
(normal voice): The problem...
The problem is that, so far, corporations have been keeping
the extra cash for themselves.
So far, the biggest investments
have been made in stock buybacks.
$700 billion worth in the first two quarters,
meaning, these tax savings are bypassing workers
and going straight into shareholders' pockets.
Real hourly pay of middle-class workers
has risen just .4 percent
over the last 18 months.
A new analysis by Americans for Tax Fairness found
that only four percent of workers got a pay raise
as a result of the tax bill.
That's right. For the most part,
corporations just passed their tax cuts on to stockholders.
You know, it's starting to seem like when Trump promised
he'd help the forgotten man, he was specifically referring
to an eccentric old billionaire who never leaves his mansion.
He was like, (mimics Trump): "We must never forget
"about Mortimer, folks, never forget him.
"He saves all his boogers in one big jar and we love him so much.
So great, tasty boogers!"
(normal voice): But the fact is, the fact is,
Trump promised a tax cut for everyone.
And so far, it's gone almost entirely to the wealthy.
That's not a great look.
So with the midterms less than a hundred days away,
the administration has come up with a bold new idea.
TV REPORTER: The New York Times reports
the Trump administration is considering
a $100 billion tax cut
that would mainly benefit the rich.
TV REPORTER: Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin, uh,
said that his department was studying
whether it could use its regulatory powers
to allow Americans to account for inflation
in determining capital gains tax liability.
The Times says that independent analysis suggest
that more than 97% of the benefits
of indexing capital gains for inflation
would actually go to the top ten percent in America.
Yes. The White House is now planning even more tax cuts
that will overwhelmingly benefit the rich, including, by the way,
big real estate owners like President Trump.
And at this point, it feels like Trump is just trying
to get away with as much as possible
before Robert Mueller gets him, you know.
Yeah, it's like he's a shoplifter
in a Circle K who sees the cops coming,
and he just starts shoving candy into his pockets.
He's like, "Okay, okay, you got me, but these are mine.
I keep these now. I keep them all."
For more on the proposed tax cuts,
we turn to a man who has watched
Wolf of Wall Street three times.
Michael Kosta, everybody.
(cheers and applause)
Bonjour, Trev.
That's rich for "hello."
Okay. Uh, Kosta, hopefully, you can explain.
Trump already gave wealthy people a huge tax cut last year.
Why give them another one?
Uh, cool it with the class warfare, Ocasio-Cortez, okay?
It just so happens that anyone
can take advantage of these tax cuts.
For example, let's say you made a cool mill last year
off a $10 million hedge fund investment.
Now you can re-index that baseline two percent
to account for inflation, which means you just got an extra 30k.
I mean, that'll cover my penis reduction surgery.
Am I right, Trevor?
I could even loan you a couple of inches.
I'm just kidding, I know you got a hog.
(laughter)
(cheering and applause)
Kosta...
Most people don't have $10 million.
We're talking about the middle-class.
Okay. Middle-class, that's fine.
Let's say you're a middle-class yacht owner,
like 35 feet max,
couldn't land a helicopter on that thing.
You can just use these cuts as a tax shelter, borrow $500,000
to invest in your buddy Dino's revenge porn business,
then you can deduct that interest,
and only pay tax on the inflation-adjusted gains.
Trevor, I say "cha" and you say "ching."
Cha... Cha...
Do you want to say "cha"?
K-Kosta, I feel like there's no way
you actually understand what you just said.
Of course I don't, Trevor.
That's why I have a broker.
H-He'll clear this up, okay.
Hey, Chandler, what's up you bitch?
Yeah, I'm trying to-- I'm trying to explain monies to my boss.
How does this tax thing work again?
What? Right now?
You are right-- Go.
Go. I'll see you at polo.
I got his voice-mail.
(laughter)
Kosta, w-why do you have a broker, man?
I know for a fact that you're not rich.
Eh, not yet, but Donald Trump promised Americans
that we're all gonna be rich, and he's never lied before,
so call me poor, Trev--
Don't call me poor, Trevor, call me pre-rich.
So... Okay, wait, wait.
Then how much is your net worth right now?
How much is an iPhone worth?
About $900.
Well, then, I'm worth $900, baby.
What up?!
Michael Kosta, everyone.