- Here's what's going on in my life lately.
I can't look at my news feed without another story
about a plus-sized model taking her clothes off
in the name of empowerment.
And it's making me a little bit nuts.
"Mayim, you're just a prude."
"Mayim, you're just jealous
"because you're not a skinny model."
"Mayim, you're sexy-shaming."
"May-em, you're fat-shaming."
Um, first of all, it's Mayim.
And second of all, I'm not a prude.
While I may be socially conservative
and I prefer that intimacy, for the most part,
be a private matter,
I understand that we live in a culture
that celebrates sexuality,
and that sexuality is beautiful and healthy.
And I'm not gonna lie,
I have spent some of my life wishing I was pretty
and skinny like other women,
but I'm not constitutionally jealous of women.
I'm mature enough to separate my issues and insecurities
from the issues that I have surrounding women disrobing
in the name of empowerment.
The positive aspects of this uptick
in women taking off their clothes are several-fold.
When plus-sized models show themselves
as desirable and beautiful,
it opens up our society's notions of beauty,
and that's a good thing.
Many people do have rounder bodies,
and it's a wonderful thing
to celebrate women who actually exist.
In addition, many women who have felt shame
about their bodies not being model-perfect
are seeing that bigger women can
and should be celebrated for their beauty.
This is empowering a lot of women
to feel more comfortable in their relationships
and their lives.
Also a good thing.
So what's Mayim so upset about now?
Almost all of the models I see
embracing their curves and talking about female empowerment
are doing so by getting naked.
And some prominent actresses and athletes,
many of whom are known to inspire young girls
to use their brains and their strength
as a form of empowerment,
are following suit with the same narrative.
So what's wrong with this?
Well, I think the trap that we're falling into
is that we start to equate empowerment
not with strength or intelligence or confidence,
but with sexiness.
So even if you are an athlete or an actor or a scientist
or any kind of accomplished, intelligent woman,
the message that we're sending,
especially to young girls,
is above all else be sexy.
And no matter what you accomplish or achieve or stand for,
what really matters most is to be featured
on the pages of a magazine
that typically displays women who are paid
to maintain a sexy appearance.
The message is, I should be celebrated,
and the way that I do that
is by presenting myself as a sexualized object.
We live in a culture so confused about how to treat women,
a culture where sexual assault and rape are an epidemic,
a culture where pornography presents an unrealistic
and often disturbing view of women.
It should not be taken lightly
that the message to present yourself as sexy and desirable
may have more of an impact on young women than intended,
especially when it comes from women
who make their living being beautiful,
with the help of makeup artists,
hair extensions, airbrushing,
and in many cases a lifestyle of trainers,
chefs, and plastic surgery.
We tell girls not to send sexy pictures and texts to boys.
We tell them not to trust strange people on the internet.
We warn girls that men may only be interested in using women
for what we can give them sexually.
We tell young girls that they are beautiful for being smart,
and that they should be celebrated for that.
And we even remind people when they meet a young girl
to try not to comment on what her dress looks like
or how pretty she is.
We have an awareness of the dangers
of emphasizing a young girl's attractiveness
or external appearance.
And yet many of the women these young girls look up to
are now presenting sexiness as empowering.
It's confusing to me as an adult.
I mean, why wouldn't it be confusing to a young girl?
Obviously, getting undressed for the cover of a magazine
is your choice to make,
and no one can take that away from you.
But because you're choosing in the context of a society
that worships women who are sexualized,
the choices are somewhat limited.
That's what patriarchy means.
You can blame the patriarchy.
And beyond choice,
there's an element of responsibility here,
a responsibility to demonstrate to young girls
that sexiness is not the end all and be all
of your existence as a woman.
Posing naked or next-to-naked
implies that you seek to be revered,
for that esteemed role in society
that rewards women with money and fame
and Instagram followers simply for being sexy.
So what's my solution?
Continue to tell young girls
that their bodies are special and amazing.
Encourage girls not to fear their bodies or their sexuality.
Be explicit that no one has the right to touch you
in a way you don't wanna be touched,
no matter how you're dressed.
But we also need to emphasize to girls and young women
that while there is nothing wrong with beauty or sexiness,
getting naked is not the only way
to feel empowered as a beautiful person.
True empowerment comes from women
being seen as equal partners
in a creative and productive culture.
Empowerment comes from getting an education,
acquiring skills that make you feel fulfilled,
and pursuing relationships that honor all parts of you.
Until we disentangle the emphasis
on sexiness as a mode of empowerment,
we ourselves will continue to be confused,
confused about what is important,
what is transformative, and what has the potential
to truly inspire girls and young women
to take on the world in all of its beautiful complexity.
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