(upbeat rhythmic music)
(upbeat rhythmic music continues)
- Grammys!
Grammys, ooh-
So the Grammys just happened.
It just went off, like an hour ago?
I don't know.
And I'm actually proud of myself
because I paid attention to a good 30% of it, okay?
Fantasia performed-
♪ Yeah ♪
And I got very excited, very overwhelmed.
Blood started pumpin' really fast,
and then suddenly, I disassociated for the rest of it, girl.
I don't know what happened.
I think Taylor Swift broke a record,
but like is that really new?
I feel like we saw that coming a mile away.
Miley Cyrus finally won a fucking Grammy.
Finally, Jesus Christ.
I grew up with that woman.
So when she won a Grammy, we all won a Grammy, okay?
You know what I mean, Disney Channel kids?
We've been supporting her since...
♪ The seven things I hate about you ♪
And now here she is, buyin' herself flowers,
writin' her name in the sand, talkin' to herself for hours,
and whatever the hell that man said in that song, okay?
They wore red-carpet fashion.
We're gonna get straight into judging it
because that's what we do here.
That's what y'all know, and that's what y'all waitin' for.
I saw the tweets, the X's.
What are we callin' them?
Tyla.
♪ Make me sweat, make me a hotter ♪
♪ Make me lose my breathe, make me water ♪
♪ Make me sweat, make me hotter ♪
This looks like something
that someone that made that song would wear.
And I think that's a compliment,
I think that's a compliment, okay?
We love the belly ring,
we love the stomach and midriff showing,
you know, it's very much...
♪ I'm a genie in a bottle, baby ♪
♪ If you wanna be with me ♪
♪ Doesn't mean I'm about to ♪
I don't know what that means, okay?
You look great, okay?
I also don't know that much about you.
You won a Grammy and you're also from South Africa,
I learned that tonight, just tonight. (laughing)
But, cute.
Lana Del Rey, ooh.
Okay.
No, it's Lana Del Rey.
I don't know what we're expectin' at this point.
Her entire aesthetic is like,
"I'm a housewife, but I also murder," you know?
And that is exactly what this is giving,
murderous housewife.
Is that a compliment? I don't know.
You decipher that.
That's not my job, I just say things on camera.
The shoes are not giving,
but that can change when she gets all the money
from the man she killed with the big will.
I don't know.
Doja Cat, what? (laughing)
Girl, those aren't real.
Girl, you ain't foolin' anybody.
Why are you lyin'?
Who drew this on you?
Did someone have fun with a Sharpie, what happened?
The hair is very much givin' me, circa 2014.
If I remember, at that time,
I posted a picture in the roast me subreddit,
and someone called me a melted Popsicle.
(Mac sucking teeth)
So, take that as you may, Miss Doja.
But is that a castle?
Are those your nipples?
No, okay, no.
What, what is going on?
For a second, I thought your areolas were showin', girl,
but that's just like pasties I think.
But is that a castle, is that a church?
What's it say on top?
"Pilaria Jundikit takindacorda...
Kinakinacorda, kinacoppola"...
Okay, purr.
It's very much giving, "I'm a rapper," you know?
That is exactly what you've been tryna tell people
for the past year, and we get it, okay?
Janelle Monae! (sighing)
This person makes me think things
I shouldn't be thinking of as a gay man, okay?
This one's pretty subtle, I'm not gonna lie.
From Janelle Monae's previous red carpet discography,
this is more on the subtler side.
But I'm still foaming at the mouth, I don't know why.
Like they are everything to me,
and also one of the best live performers
I've ever seen in my entire life.
Let me tell you, if you ever have an opportunity
to see Janelle Monae live in concert, go do it.
Even if you don't know a single song,
you will not regret it, girl.
What is that in the center of your stomach?
What is going on?
For some reason, I always do Vogue's website,
but their pictures are always so low quality
so I can never see the fine details in these photos.
So right now, what I'm seeing on her belt buckle
looks like two skeletons making out.
Like two Grims from the "Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy"
just like going at it.
That's what it looks like to me.
Or, or, or, me and Janelle Monae meeting for the first time.
♪ If you wanna be with me ♪
I don't know.
Halle Bailey.
Yeah, she is a woman, okay?
She said, "What baby, what child?
What are you talkin' about?
These hips never gave birth.
What do you mean?"
The boobies do show girl,
the boobies do show you went up like two sizes,
that milk is pumpin'.
But I really do like this.
It looks like she's getting rained on, you know?
♪ Make me sweat, make me hotter ♪
♪ Make me lose my breathe, make me water ♪
You know?
What is it, Swarovski, girl?
- Swarovski crystals. - Swarovski crystals, girl?
Classic little glass beads
that cost like thousands of dollars for some reason,
just because someone decided.
Cute!
Icis Spicisis.
Whose poodle did you attack, okay?
It's like she has a bunch of gerbils in her jacket
and she doesn't want you to know.
Like she's tryna sneak onto the red carpet
with a bunch of gerbils that are like her security pets,
you know?
They make her feel safe,
and she can't go anywhere without them.
But the Grammys wouldn't allow her to take them,
so she stuffed them in her jacket
and she's just like tryna act casual on the red carpet.
"Hey!
Hey guys, you think you're the shit?
You don't even have fur."
You see it now, right, too?
You see it now, I ruined the picture for you?
But I like it, I like it, you know?
It gives me, "I'm a rapper."
It's very Missy Elliot.
But having a denim skirt like that girl, that must be heavy.
But honestly work, honestly fierce.
Okay, what gay put you in this?
John Legend.
Um.... (blowing raspberry)
Okay work, whatever.
Chrissy Teigen.
Ooh, whoa.
Wow.
Why do the roses have nose hairs?
What's going on?
Sorry if you hear a bunch of pitter-pattering on my roof,
it's like storming right now in Los Angeles,
like completely storming.
And this city is not built for rain, right?
So when it storms, it floods.
And I literally got a notification a few hours ago
tellin' me to stay in place until midnight.
And I'm scared now.
Tellin' me it's dangerous and life threatening.
Like girl, ain't no drops gonna kill me,
I'm a bad...
♪ Make me sweat ♪
(Mac laughing)
Oh, here she is, okay?
Y'all ready, y'all ready stans?
Okay, I am gonna say her name.
Calm down, don't scream, okay?
Try not to make a noise.
Don't make a sound challenge, ready?
Here we go.
Okay, ready?
Taylor Swift.
I saw you squeal, I saw you squeal, I saw you squeal.
You're not slick.
Okay.
I also like how this is like the only horizontal photo
in this whole like gallery.
They said she deserves her own ratio.
Honestly, go off.
The 20s are her decade.
2020 is gonna be the decade of Taylor Swift.
I already feel it.
You've already been experiencing it
for just the past couple years.
It's giving me...
It's givin' me, um...
You know what it's givin' me?
It's giving me one of those like angel personas
in "Persona 5."
That's a compliment.
That is a compliment, okay?
Like she looks like she's gonna give me
the strongest light beam attack in my whole deck,
you know what I mean?
Like an insta-kill curse.
You know, a powerful persona, a powerful persona!
Taylor Swift is a powerful persona, pass on the rumor.
Olivia Rodrigo.
Okay. (laughing)
I like how she's just been givin' us
like clean proper prom queen on the homecoming court
type of looks, you know?
And for some reason, it always catches me off guard,
I don't know why.
I think it's because when I think of her music,
I think of like Avril Lavigne, Paramore.
And then I started thinking of the way they dressed
in the early days of their careers,
that very like punk rocker kind of aesthetic.
And a lotta people her age
are very reminiscent of the early 2000's style right now.
But for some reason, she seems to stay
in that like Hollywood starlet / prom queen type of fashion.
And it's very interesting to me.
It's just very interesting compared to her music.
Miley Cyrus.
Ooh.
Okay, ethereal goddess.
What the fuck?
I love her, okay?
I love her.
This outfit is kinda crazy, but I love her.
She was really just havin' her moment all night, okay?
She was so excited.
She's just so cool to me.
Miley Cyrus is so cool to me.
Probably 'cause I was just raised on her, (laughing)
but I just also just like her just like journey, you know?
People made fun of her,
dragged her name through the mud for a good couple years,
and she persevered.
And now look at her, she's gettin' her fuckin' flowers.
But this outfit is insane.
What is happening?
This is like an outfit you'd see
in like an early 2000s movie that takes place in Egypt,
you know what I mean?
Like some girl in the sex house in "Game of Thrones."
But I'm kind of into it, for some reason.
She also like hasn't done a red carpet in a long time.
Yes, I've been following the life of Miley Cyrus.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, she's my diva.
She is my diva.
Summer Walker.
Whoa.
Girl, my allergies are messin' up.
What's happenin' here?
Looking at this makes me wanna sneeze for some reason,
I do not know.
She's like the visual representation
of a sneeze attack right now, but like in a fashionable way.
Like every microfiber just floating in the air
is gonna stick right onto that dress, girl,
and I already know it.
I know a Swiffer feather duster when I see it, okay?
The hat is giving betting on horses.
The body is giving $12.99 pack at Ralph's, okay?
Speakin' of which, I do need to get more dusters.
I need to dust the hell out this house.
I was supposed to do so like two weeks ago,
according to my doctor's orders.
But girl, I don't listen to authority, the fuck?
Chloe Bailey.
Ooh.
It's givin'...
♪ Move like a snake ♪
♪ Move like snake ♪
♪ Like a snake, like a snake ♪
You know?
Lenny Kravitz.
The way I would let this grandpa fuck me
in the back alley of an Eagle is insane, okay?
Let's talk about it.
Let's talk about it 'cause it needs to be talked about,
okay?
Like what, who?
Zoe Kravitz is his child,
and that girl is like a full-ass grown-ass woman.
So God knows how old this man is now, 'cause I don't.
But he always looks younger than my dad,
which I know is not true.
And you know what that is?
That's that Hollywood money right there.
Have I ever heard a song from this man?
Not consciously.
But will I let this man open up my second hole?
Consciously.
Ellie Goulding.
Whoa!
I feel like we've seen this before.
I feel like we've experienced this dress before,
and that hurts my feelings, okay?
I've done too many of these red carpet reviews.
So a lotta these dress silhouettes and dress ideas
seem to mesh together in my head.
And I feel like we've seen the transparent skirt
leading to a big bundle bottom situation,
with the fluffy feathers pokin' out, ostrich shit,
many times.
So it's cute, but it's not like wow to me, right?
And also, I don't think it helped
that the backdrop for this award show was black.
So when someone comes in a black dress,
they're just like disappearing. (laughing)
Paris Hilton.
Girl, why are you there girl?
Girl, why are you there?
Oh yeah, she's a DJ, right?
Wasn't she like the highest paid DJ in Europe at one point?
Like girl,
doesn't your family own like a shit ton of hotels?
How much money do y'all need?
For someone probably worth billions,
the dress is sadly givin' thousands, I'm sorry.
Like honestly, whatever this dress is made of
probably costs more than half of this neighborhood.
But still, it ain't really doin' that much for me.
But at the same time,
Paris was never known as like the fashion girly.
She was too busy bein' the reality TV star
that led to the Kardashians becoming reality TV stars,
let's be honest.
If Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie
did not go off doing what they did in the early 2000s,
there would not be the reality TV we have today.
Let's be honest, we gotta thank these girls,
and Tiffany Pollard.
Coi Leray. (smacking tongue)
(blowing raspberry) Don't care!
Victoria!
Proud of you, girl, go off.
And honestly, go off with this dress too.
It's givin' caramel.
It's givin' bronze like a penny, bitch,
bronze like a penny, you know?
One of the real bronze pennies, you know,
they don't make those anymore.
They don't really make pennies anymore, do they?
Didn't we like stop makin' pennies?
We should stop makin' pennies.
Honestly, why are we makin' pennies?
But I like it, I like it.
It's beautiful and it's shiny,
and that's all you need to impress me.
I'm a simple girl.
Just don't wear a plain-ass suit, okay?
That's all I ask.
Speakin' of which, Billie Eilish.
Honestly, go off, okay?
She's in her band era,
she's in her, "I got a recital after school" era.
And honestly, go ahead.
The amount of awards you have,
if all you wanna do is wear a jacket
with the movie you're nominated for,
then wear the fuckin' jacket
with your movie you're nominated for, okay?
It makes you comfortable.
It's givin' like that formal ceremony
the sports people have to go to after their sports season,
and she was on the water polo team.
That's what that's givin', okay?
21 Savage. (sighing)
Okay.
Will.i.am.
Not okay. (laughing)
Kylie Minogue!
"Padam Padam!"
You look like you're blending into the carpet.
Like you look like you just like rose from the carpet
and then posed right there, like you didn't move a muscle.
But I'm into it, okay?
You know, like go off Red Riding Hood,
riding a man from the hood, you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
"Padam Padam."
Okay, girl.
Ooh okay, wait.
The more I zoom in and the details I now see...
You know, we love a Nike shoe, okay?
We love a Nike shoe.
"Padam Padam," girl, you know, it's a physical activity
and you gotta lace up, okay?
Fantasia.
Oh.
Uh?
Okay, I thought she was holding a gun.
I was about to be like, "Okay, accessory." (laughing)
Part of me likes it, another part of me is like confused,
you know?
Like the top half looks really cute,
but then the skirt part just feels off.
I think I said the same exact critique at the Golden Globes,
girl.
I don't know, whoever's stylin' for you
doesn't really know their skirts that well,
and that's what's bothering me.
But I like the little...
I don't know what it's called.
It could be something cultural,
and that's why I didn't want to say it out loud. (laughing)
Boy Genius.
Boy, is this genius?
We love three best friends goin' to prom together,
or, or, or a throuple getting married, you know?
Okay, I moved to a different website
'cause Vogue was tryin' it, okay?
Dua Lipa.
Whoo.
Girl, it looks like it's pinching you,
what's happening here?
For some reason, it's givin' me "House of Dragon."
I don't know why, I don't know how to describe that.
Like a dragon melted this dress onto you
and now you're stuck in it.
But it's okay, you are a Targaryen, you don't give a shit.
You know what I mean?
It also looks like if I were to try to hug you,
I would cut myself several times.
Honestly, work, you know?
Don't touch me, stay away from me, you know?
That's my vibe.
If I was ever like an A-lister, like don't touch me.
Niecy Nash.
Ooh, girl!
Okay, Tin Man.
What's goin' on?
I'm into it though, I'm into it.
I like it, it's very shiny.
You know, it's givin' 3024.
You're so 3008, we're so 2000-and-late, I get it.
Coco Jones.
Who... Selected this photo?
I am pissed off. (laughing)
She was not ready.
And you had the audacity to upload this? (laughing)
What the fuck, The Cut.
Okay, bitch.
She looks very uncomfortable,
and like she's trying not to let her boob slip out.
It looks like she's really focused
on trying to make sure that doesn't pop out,
and she doesn't wanna move a muscle
'cause it's like two seconds
from actually like showin' the goods, you know?
We've all been there. (laughing)
Kelly Clarkson.
Wow.
Okay, we love a bridesmaid.
I like how clean it is.
Like it's very hypnotizing
how like pitch white this dress is.
Like, that's kind of amazing.
Good for you.
And whoever the hell steamed the shit outta of that
because there's not a single wrinkle on this dress,
not a single misplaced scrunch.
That's amazing.
Honestly, that's craftsmanship.
Brandi Carlile.
Wow. (laughing)
Why does she always dress like she is getting married?
Always like the butch lesbian at a wedding,
like that's her vibe.
And honestly go off, queen, go off.
It's giving renting a tux from downtown,
and honestly I'm into it, okay?
Jack Antonoff.
No thank you.
Calvin Harris.
First of all, that's what you look like? (laughing)
Have I ever seen this man's face before?
I don't think so.
Maybe I have, I just never connected the dots.
But, okay.
And second of all, I'ma pass.
I'm a pass on this one.
Laverne Cox.
Whoa!
I'm confused. (laughing)
Like part of me is like, "Yes, work,"
but another part of me is like, "Girl, what we workin'?"
I'm just very happy that the hip protruding thing
is in the right place.
'Cause I've seen many a dresses
where they do that little hip bump thing,
but it's like too low.
And you're sitting there like,
"Girl, why are your thighs like that?" (laughing)
So I stan that, but um...
Other than that,
this dress does not look comfortable one bit.
I'm sorry, like it looks like it hurts right here.
It looks like it's like pulling you down right there.
Honestly work, you know, fashion is pain, right?
John Batiste.
Oh.
You know, he tried.
Okay, you know what, he tried,
and I'll give him points on that.
A point.
1/2 a point?
1/4 of a point, okay?
Let's be honest.
Ed Sheeran.
Just in case you guys didn't know,
he's a straight man, okay?
He's tellin' you right now.
Nothing says more straight than camo and pockets.
Christina Aguilera.
Okay, queen, queenie.
She has a Vegas residence right now,
so that physique is snatched to the maximum.
This is now givin'...
♪ I'm a genie in a bottle, baby ♪
But like, the "Aladdin" genie.
♪ If you wanna be with me ♪
Madison Beer has collarbones,
and she really wanted you to know that tonight, okay?
She said, "Do you see 'em, do you see 'em?
They're right there, do you see 'em?
They're right there.
Right here, do you see it?
Y'all see it, right?"
Whoa!
Dawn Richard.
Girl, I did not recognize you for a second.
(laughing) What, what, what is going on?
(Mac laughing)
Girl, what Edgar Allen Poe book did you just leap out of?
(laughing) What is happening?
Honestly, me.
Honestly me, if I was invited to an award show.
I would just dress up like a tree,
and just like hauntedly be in the background
of a bunch of people's photos.
Purposely following the camera of the award ceremony,
standing in the background of every celebrity
they position themselves in front of.
Just like standing there casually, just being...
Like, "Girl, I'm the set, okay?"
It's giving, "Come see 'Into the Woods,'
at the Greek Theater, tonight at 9:00.
Ticket raffle's on Sunset, girl." (laughing)
Skrillex.
What, since when?
When he start lookin' like this?
Wait a minute, hold on.
No, it's not.
That... That... No, it's not.
What happened to like the green hair?
Now that I think about it because of that green hair,
I've never looked at this man's face before, okay?
Is this what he looks like?
'Cause honestly, I would.
Like, I would.
I also feel like I already have, okay?
He looks very familiar to me. (laughing)
Flavor Flav.
Showed up.
Jacob Collier.
Oh.
Honestly, work.
Honestly, this is fun, okay?
He's havin' a fun, good old jolly time, okay?
And he might be a little dizzy, I don't know.
Okay, I should probably end it soon,
so I'm only gonna do a few more people.
CeeLo Green.
Okay, thank you guys so much for watching. (laughing)
What did we learn today, kids?
We learned that CeeLo Green is really into "Goldfinger,"
you know?
I don't know, you know, I just have a feeling.
Wait a minute, where was SZA?
Oh, she didn't do the red carpet.
Girly said, "Mm-mmm, mm-mmm, mm-mmm.
Mm-mmm, mm-mmm, mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm, mm-mmm."
Like, why do a red carpet
when you have your own photographer and Instagram photos?
Okay, girly.
Look at her.
Look at her!
It's giving.
Okay, it's giving.
What the hell is happening on the top though?
But it's giving, you know?
I feel like if I get too close,
it's gonna reach out and stab me in the neck,
you know what I mean?
Then, pick me up
and throw me down a shoot with the exes that she killed.
(Mac singing indistinctly)
Okay, I'm gonna stop tryin' to be funny.
Comment down below,
who was your favorite, who was your least favorite?
My favorite was probably Kelly Clarkson
because of how clean it fuckin' looked.
And honestly, Dawn Richard, because camp, girl.
That was insane.
And my least favorite has to be Will.i.am
and Coi Leray 'cause I don't even have to say much, okay?
I don't even have to say much.
But anyways, I'ma go.
It's like midnight now.
I was takin' so many breaks, girl,
it was raining like crazy.
Now, I gotta go deal with some leaks on my roof.
So thank you guys so much for watching.
(extended distorted yelling)