Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink. Today, we will learn about ten toxic behaviors that
are considered normal. Now, let’s begin.
What does it mean to be a toxic person? What behaviors separate toxic people from
everyone else? The word “toxic” is often overused and misunderstood. Literally,
“toxic” describes a substance that contains some kind of poison, but in a social and psychological
context, a toxic person is someone who brings harm to the people around them.
Most people think of needy friends, manipulative partners, and lazy coworkers as common examples of
toxic people. However, labeling someone “toxic” can be tricky and misleading. In some contexts,
this person may be genuinely toxic. They may bring harm to the people around them. In other contexts,
they might be helpful, altruistic, and kind-hearted. So, which one are they?
For this reason, it’s often more useful to talk, not about toxic people, but about toxic
behaviors — the little things we do every day that create trouble for the people in our lives.
We pretend that only the worst, most manipulative people are guilty of toxicity,
but many toxic behaviors are far more common than people would like to admit. In fact,
a significant percentage of social norms do more harm than good. As a society, we villainize
toxic people without recognizing the social and emotional toxicity we spread day in and day out.
So, why are some toxic behaviors considered normal? Why aren’t more people raising concerns
and making efforts to change? Well, most people do not realize that they are part of the problem.
We are psychologically predisposed to think of ourselves as immune to the
problems and temptations that other people face. Instead of considering our own toxic habits,
we scrutinize and blame other people, even if most of us are guilty of the same mistakes.
Of course, that doesn’t mean the world is full of bad people, or that society
as a whole is programming us to be toxic. The underlying problem is this. You’re just doing
what everyone else is doing. You assume your choices and habits are normal and good, but
if you look closely, you may discover these ten toxic behaviors are more harmful than you realize.
1. Social Masks Do you wear a mask
around other people? It’s normal nowadays to change our personalities in different social
situations. You may act like a different person at work, around your friends, or with your partner.
You may feel like you’re constantly switching your interests and your temperament wherever you go.
If you’re accustomed to “acting” around other people, you are not alone. It’s something most
of us do every day, but that doesn’t mean it’s positive or healthy. In fact, it makes many
people feel insecure about their actual selves. It may feel like putting on a mask is necessary
to be liked or respected, but most of the time you’re covering up the best parts of yourself.
2. Playing the Caretaker Do you take care of everybody’s
needs before your own? Let’s say you’re hosting a gathering of friends and family. You may spend the
entire evening checking on your guests, preparing food, and refilling empty drinks. Before you know
it, the party is over, and you didn’t get a chance to relax or enjoy a single minute of it.
We sometimes call this “being a good host,” but what you’re really doing is catering unnecessarily
to the people around you. When you get in the habit of catering to others, you unconsciously
neglect your own wants and needs. You forget to enjoy the fruits of your labor because you’re so
worried about other people. 3. Chasing the Spotlight
More than ever, people want to be the center of attention. So many individuals,
especially younger people, base their entire lives around standing in the spotlight, but it isn’t
always good to be the center of attention. In simple terms, chasing the spotlight
often damages your self-esteem and self-worth. When you depend on other
people for praise and validation, you lose the ability to praise and validate yourself.
For a few minutes, it may feel wonderful standing in the spotlight, being the center of attention,
but this kind of external validation can be more toxic than you realize.
4. False Entitlement It’s become normal within
our society to expect a certain amount of fairness, comfort, and leeway in our
lives. When we do something wrong, we believe we deserve a second chance. When we enter a lottery,
we think that we deserve to win. We expect to beat the odds, even when they are heavily out of our
favor. This behavior is not only unrealistic… it’s actually toxic and self-destructive.
If you expect to beat the odds, what happens when you come up short? You, like anyone,
may get angry. You may feel like you’ve been cheated. You may blame someone else as if they
are the reason you failed. But the truth is… you never deserved to succeed in the first place.
This false sense of entitlement sets you up for failure and disappointment in every
aspect of your life. It creates unrealistic expectations, encouraging you to expect the
extraordinary and deny the ordinary. If you think you deserve more than other people, it’s
time to change your perspective. Because false entitlement is much more toxic than you realize.
5. Unwanted Opinions Have you ever received advice from someone
without asking for it? Many people like to give their opinions on other people’s styles, careers,
and lifestyle choices. These people assume the whole world needs to hear what they have to say,
even if no one asked for their advice. If you’ve ever been on the receiving end
of this toxic habit, you know just how frustrating it can be. An unwanted opinion can ruin your day
or reopen old wounds, all because someone else needed to force their ideas onto you.
Whenever you get unwanted advice, remember this: these people don’t understand your
situation. They think they do, and they assume they know better than you. But they really
don’t. By giving uninformed advice, they’re making quick and inaccurate judgment calls,
which can be hurtful, destructive, and ignorant. If you’re guilty of this toxic habit,
here’s a good rule of thumb. If someone wants your advice, like a friend or family member,
they’ll ask for it. Otherwise, keep your opinions to yourself. You may think someone needs to hear
what you have to say, but 95% of the time, you’re giving advice about things you don’t understand.
6. Emotional Therapy
Have you ever felt like a therapist for someone in your life? Whether you’re struggling with
a major problem or just searching for answers, you may find it helpful to meet with a trained
professional, someone who gets paid to talk through difficult experiences and emotional
conflicts. Unfortunately, many people are resistant to seeking out professional help.
Instead, they dump their problems onto their friends, family, and sometimes even strangers.
This can be toxic for everyone involved. For the people struggling, you may never get any closure
or end up repeating the same toxic patterns. For the people listening, you may feel like you have
no voice in your relationship or gradually become exhausted by your friend’s negativity. Either way,
this very common mistake can create serious problems for you and your relationships.
7. Vengeful Satisfaction
Many people take pleasure in acts of revenge. When someone does something wrong, we encourage
each other to get back at them in clever and manipulative ways, and we gain satisfaction
from witnessing their comeuppance. But is taking revenge really the right thing to do?
No matter how satisfying it sounds, making someone else suffer is always going to be a
poor decision in the long run. Your satisfaction will be short-lived, and you won’t undo the damage
done. All you’re doing is creating more hardship. It may not feel as good in the heat of the moment,
but the best thing you can do, in almost any situation, is to forgive and move forward.
8. Constant Complaining Do you know someone who’s constantly
complaining? For some reason, it is normal in our society to see the worst in every situation.
People look for problems everywhere they go. They’re hyper-critical of everything and everyone,
and they complain more often about what they don’t have than they appreciate what they do have.
Not only is this toxic behavior frustrating and disheartening, but it can also be toxic
to you and the people around you. The more you focus on problems and shortcomings, the harder
it is to find happiness and satisfaction in your life. Even though everyone complains,
be the one positive person you know, because your happiness depends on it.
9. Avoiding Responsibility Nobody is responsible for your
decisions but you. When you make a mistake, it’s because you came up short. If you miss a deadline,
it’s because you fell behind. Yet many people try to blame anyone but themselves.
The explanation behind this toxic behavior is simple.
When you pass the blame, you don’t have to bear the consequences. For example, if you fail a job
interview, you might blame the interviewer instead of reflecting on your behavior.
If you’re unable to take responsibility for your mistakes, you’ll never learn from them. If you
never learn them, you’ll keep repeating those mistakes again and again. As often as you can,
accept responsibility and identify your mistakes because there is always room for improvement.
10. Critical Judgment It’s easy to judge other people,
but that doesn’t mean you should. Most of the time, when we criticize people,
we do it to validate our own choices and opinions. It makes us feel better to put
them down because we feel better by comparison. Unfortunately, that superiority is both imaginary
and short-lived. There’s nothing valuable or uplifting about criticizing another person.
All you’re doing is hurting their self-esteem and putting a band-aid over your own.
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