- I kind of become light-headed at the sight of blood.
And as you know when it comes to periods,
there will be blood.
(awkward music)
- Off to a great start.
This one is called, "An Itchy Situation."
Sounds like a yeast infection.
- "I was maybe 13 years old and I decided to
go for a run in the fields behind my childhood home."
- "Wearing white shorts I might add." Why?
"Mid-run I realized that something didn't seem right.
Sure enough, my period had started."
- "I knew there was a porta-potty in the field
as soccer teams would use the field to play games.
I entered the porta-potty with the intensions of
cleaning myself and my white shorts."
- "But there was no toilet paper, of course."
- " I proceeded to grab a leaf from a plant
nearby to attempt to fix the situation
before running home in bloody white shorts."
- "Boy, did I pick the wrong leaf.
Oh my gosh I knew this as soon as she said, "leaf."
- "Poison Ivy on my vajay-jay." (gasps)
"This situation made for one hell
of an interesting doctor's appointment.
- Damn, I've heard of these horror stories
where people are like, they're just trying to
take a (bleep) in the woods and then
they grab the wrong leaf and then it's the same situation.
They gotta get like steroid injections on their butt.
- Listen, don't grab any leaves.
If you don't have toilet paper
you have to take the "L" I'm sorry.
- Oh "Slip and Slide."
- Two words you never wanna hear
on your period, "slip" or "slide."
- "I got my period fairly young."
- (gasps) "Fairly young" they got it
at ten years old which is awful.
- "And at the time, was very
uncomfortable with using tampons."
That makes sense.
- I feel you I didn't use tampons until
I was an adult, so I get it.
- "This worked out for me pretty well until
I went on a camp field trip to a water park at age 12.
And became aware of the problem my
lack of a tampon use posed."
- "My delusional youthful solution was to
wear a pad with my swimsuit with shorts to hid it."
- "It was all fin and games until
I went on a particularly intense water slide."
- "When I got to the bottom,
I realized something was missing."
- "I turned around and like something out of a
horror movie, saw my pad coming down the slide after me.
Needless to say, I became aware of two things that day.
One, swimming and pads don't mix,
and two, water parks are gross."
- That's the one thing that sucks about periods.
It's just like, since people don't really
spread the information you have to
learn from your own mistakes.
And unfortunately, this is a huge (bleep) up. (laughter)
- Could it get worse?
Could it get worse than that?
- "What Friends are for."
I feel like this is gonna be a good one.
- "I was dating my current boyfriend for only
a month, we've now been together for five years."
Wow, I mean this can't be that bad.
You guys have been together for five years.
This is gonna be a great story.
You put in one good one in here I bet.
- "When we went to a friend's house for a
night of drinking and fun, I also
happened to be menstruating on this particular night."
- What an adult way to say it cuz' I never say that.
I'm always like, "Yo, I'm bleeding a lot right now."
- "At one point, my tipsy boyfriend and I
started to get a bit flirtatious."
- "And after he had fallen on the floor
he pulled me on top of him." Hot.
- "We stayed there for a few minutes.
Him laying on the floor and me sitting on his stomach."
- "When we both stood up, I noticed a
very red circular mark on his light gray shirt."
- Okay, so "Superbad" the original is here.
- " My heart sank and he hadn't noticed the stain.
So, in a panic, I immediately grab my girl friend
and dragged her to the kitchen to tell her what happened."
- "She then grabbed a glass, filled it with
red wine, and in a drunken mishap..."
- "Spilled the wine on his shirt
right where the stain was." (claps)
That's great what a good friend.
Hopefully that lasts.
- Who is this girl so we can give her
the Purple Hart because this is amazing.
- "Playing the Game."
- "I was a high school basketball player
and had a particularly heavy flow
one afternoon during a game."
- " I remember high in the air on defense
hitting the court hard."
- "And the referee sending everyone to
their benches moments later.
While they called in a person wearing a HazMat suit."
- "Because my tampon had fallen out on the
court in the middle of the game."
(gasps) Oh holy bananas!
- I need to get transferred or
I need to be homeschooled, this is not okay.
- No, you listen here girl don't you be embarrassed.
You were playing hard defense, you know what?
I bet you scared the other team and you ended up wining.
- "The Lady and the Tamp" (laughter)
- "When I first got my dog I had a
regular trash can in the bathroom."
- "That changed very quickly after one of our walks.
When I realized she was taking an
unusually long time to poop."
- "Because she was pooping out one of my used tampons."
Oh my God no, no, no.
I can't, I can't read on. (laughter)
- "The string was too thing for her to
push out so I had to pull my used tampon
out of my dog's butt."
Wow okay, I thought I knew where
it was going and it went (zooming noise).
- Nope, no thank you, I'm a cat person.
- " The Hot Doctor."
- "My aunt's friend once forgot she already had
a tampon in and inserted another one."
I've done that.
- "The doctor she booked to remove it
happened to be a handsome man, making her feel
even more embarrassed about the whole situation."
- "He removed both tampons and said she was good to go.
But the embarrassment didn't stop there."
- How did it not stop there?
- "She had a blind date the following evening."
- "When she arrived at the restaurant,
she realized her date was the frickin'
handsome Gyno who had removed the
two tampons she had gotten stuck in her vagina."
- Oh my God no.
- This is like a Hallmark original movie.
Coming to Netflix this summer we've got
one girl, one hot doctor, and one too many tampons.
What will they do?
- Honestly, that is cute and I hope
the date went really well. (laughter)
And I hope he looked in your (bleep) again.
- I feel like as a woman these are so normal.
- Everybody always has a like, really weird period story.
So, don't feel like you're the only person who has
had this kind of horrible experience cuz' we all have.
- So like you shouldn't feel that embarrassed about it.
Just be confident and be like,
"Yeah, this is a normal human function that I go through."
It's just blood y'all.
(awkward music)