LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I KNOW YOU'RE EXCITED, YOU'RE EXCITED
BECAUSE WE'RE ONLY TWO DAYS AWAY FROM TRUMP'S INAUGURATION!
YESTERDAY BETSY DEVOS, TRUMP'S APPOINTEE FOR SECRETARY OF
EDUCATION, HAD HER SENATE CONFIRMATION HEARING.
WHEN ASKED WHETHER OR NOT GUNS SHOULD BE ALLOWED IN SCHOOLS,
SHE SAID THAT STATES SHOULD DECIDE, CITING THAT, FOR
EXAMPLE, WYOMING SCHOOLS MAY NEED GUNS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES
FROM -- WAIT FOR IT -- GRIZZLY BEARS.
SHE KNOWS THAT THE RIGHT TO "BEAR" ARMS ISN'T ABOUT ACTUAL
BEARS, RIGHT?
I MEAN -- [ APPLAUSE ]
SHE HAS A POINT.
YOU COULD GIVE SCHOOLS GUNS.
BUT THEN AGAIN, IF YOU WANTED TO PROTECT STUDENTS FROM GRIZZLY
BEARS, MAYBE YOU COULD, OH, I DON'T KNOW--
LOCK THE DOOR.
THIS BRINGS IN TO QUESTION HOW QUALIFIED BETSY DEVOS IS TO BE
IN CHARGE OF OUR TEACHERS.
I'M NOT SAYING SHE'S UNPREPARED, BUT AT ONE POINT DURING THE
HEARING, SHE JUST LEFT THE ROOM AND PUT ON A MOVIE FOR EVERYONE
TO WATCH.
IN OTHER BEAR NEWS, THE OLDEST PANDA BEAR IN CAPTIVITY, BASI
THE PANDA BEAR, TURNED 37 TODAY.
WHICH IS THE EQUIVALENT OF OVER 100 HUMAN YEARS OLD.
YEAH.
THAT MAKES HER THE SECOND OLDEST PANDA.
NEXT TO THAT PANDA EXPRESS ORANGE CHICKEN THAT'S BEEN
SITTING UNDER THOSE HEAT LAMPS FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG.
IN FACT, BASI THE PANDA IS SO OLD, EVERY PICTURE OF HER IS
BLACK AND WHITE.
S THERE WAS ALARMING NEWS YOU MAY HAVE SEEN ABOUT THE
ENVIRONMENT THIS WEEK.
FEDERAL SCIENTISTS ANNOUNCED THAT 2016 WAS THE PLANET'S
HOTTEST YEAR ON RECORD AND THIS WAS PROBABLY DUE TO MAN-MADE
CLIMATE CHANGE.
THE GOOD NEWS IS IN A FEW YEARS, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GET A PRETTY
SWEET TAN.
THE BAD NEWS IS, THE BEACH YOU'LL VISIT TO GET THAT TAN IS
GONNA BE IN IDAHO.
BUT THIS IS A BIG PROBLEM.
TO PUT THIS IN TERMS MILLENNIALS WILL UNDERSTAND, YOU KNOW WHEN
YOU'RE BINGE-WATCHING A SHOW ON NETFLIX AND THEN YOU REALIZE YOU
ONLY HAVE A FEW EPISODES LEFT BEFORE IT'S OVER BECAUSE YOU
DIDN'T PACE YOURSELF?
THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE EARTH.
YEP, IT WAS THE HOTTEST YEAR ON RECORD.
BUT DON'T WORRY, BECAUSE THIS FRIDAY IN WASHINGTON D.C., HELL
IS GOING TO FREEZE OVER.
FINALLY TONIGHT, WE WANT TO BID A FOND FAREWELL TO OUR DEPARTING
44TH PRESIDENT, BARACK OBAMA.
THE OBAMAS ALREADY STARTED MOVING OUT OF THE WHITE HOUSE
THIS WEEK AND INTO AN EIGHT-BEDROOM HOME IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
THE OBAMAS SAID THEY WANTED A PLACE WITH PLENTY OF ROOM INSIDE
FOR THE GIRLS AND PLENTY OF ROOM OUT BACK FOR JOE BIDEN TO RUN
AROUND.
OBAMA IS LEAVING THE WHITE HOUSE WITH A 60% APPROVAL RATING
ACCORDING TO SOME NATIONAL POLLS.
THAT'S THE HIGHEST SINCE HIS FIRST YEAR IN OFFICE.
IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU, WHEN YOU'RE PRESIDENT YOU CAN WORK
HARD, TRY TO KEEP YOUR PROMISES, CUT-DOWN ON UNEMPLOYMENT, BUILD
THE ECONOMY, END A WAR, KILL BIN LADEN, RAISE A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY,
HELP EVERYONE GET HEALTH INSURANCE AND 40% OF THE COUNTRY
WILL STILL HATE YOU.
BUT WHILE OBAMA'S APPROVAL RATING IS AT 60%, HIS "OH MY GOD
PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US HERE WITH THAT MADMAN" RATING IS 100%.