♪♪
Announcer: IT'S THE FIRST DAY OF SHARK WEEK,
AND THIS IS "THE DAILY BITE."
ON TODAY'S EPISODE, BEAR TAKES ON SHARK.
BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
PLUS, WE GET CHEESY WITH SOME QUESADILLAS.
AND THE CAPTAIN IS ANSWERING SOME MORE MAIL
FROM LOVELORN SHARKS.
IT'S SHARK WEEK, AND THIS IS "THE DAILY BITE."
IT IS DAY ONE -- I'M SORRY -- DAY FUN OF SHARK WEEK.
WE MADE IT.
WHAT A JOURNEY IT HAS BEEN FOR US AS A PEOPLE.
IN FACT, I'M SO EXCITED, LAST NIGHT,
I DIDN'T EVEN SLEEP AT ALL.
[ GASPS ] OH! GEEZ!
♪ SHE BE TALKING MONEY, LOOKIN' BOUGIE, DOWN TO RIDE ♪
♪ ON A BOAT ♪ Woman: SPLASH.
I GOT TO PUT THIS PHONE DOWN. I GOT TO WATCH TV.
OH. "BEAR VS. SHARK."
LET ME SEE THIS.
I DON'T WHY THE HELL THEY WOULD PUT A BEAR AND A SHARK TOGETHER.
OH, IT'S BEAR GRYLLS.
WHAT IN THE HELL HE DOING WITH THESE SHARKS?
♪♪
OH, THEM SHARKS GONNA GET HIS ASS.
WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU JUMP INTO A PIT OF SHARKS?!
Grylls: FISH GUTS.
FISH BLOOD.
GET A SMELL OF THAT.
[ SNIFFS ] [ LAUGHS ]
IF THIS ISN'T GOING TO ATTRACT THE SHARKS, NOTHING WILL.
♪♪
[ BLOWS ]
YOU TRYING TO ATTRACT SHARKS THAT BAD...
GO ON TINDER.
DON'T MISS "BEAR VS. SHARK."
ONLY ON SHARK WEEK.
♪♪
NOW LET'S CHECK OUT WHAT OUR FRIENDS FROM THE FOOD NETWORK
ARE UP TO.
YOU KNOW WHAT I COULD GO FOR RIGHT NOW?
MM. A MOUND OF CONGEALED CHEESE.
SO MANY LITTLE BABY CHEESES.
WAIT A MINUTE.
IS SOMEONE MAKING QUESADILLA?
OH, LET'S DO THIS!
[ BREATHES DEEPLY ] GET THEM IN MY MOUTH.
MMM!
HI. I'M JAMES BRISCIONE FROM FOOD NETWORK.
AND TODAY, ON "THE DAILY BITE," SHARK QUESADILLAS.
WE'RE GONNA GET THINGS STARTED RIGHT HERE
WITH A FLOUR TORTILLA.
♪♪
YOU'RE GONNA GRAB YOUR SCISSORS TO MAKE YOUR LITTLE SHARK MOUTH.
♪♪
AND RIGHT AS THAT BUTTER MELTS, I'M GONNA DROP THESE GUYS IN.
♪♪
ALL RIGHT, SO, LET'S GET OUR SHARK QUESADILLAS
OUT OF THE PAN HERE AND FINISH THEM OFF.
FROM WATCHING YEARS OF SHARK WEEK,
I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THOSE EYES ARE
WHEN THEY GO IN FOR THAT FINAL BITE.
♪♪
JUST A PLATE WITH A LITTLE BIT OF SALSA
IS A GREAT WAY TO HAVE YOUR QUESADILLA.
BUT LOOK AT THIS.
WE'VE GOT A CLASSIC SEVEN-LAYER DIP HERE,
TOPPED IT OFF WITH AVOCADO AND THEN A LITTLE SOUR CREAM
TO MAKE OUR OCEAN.
SO, THERE YOU HAVE IT, GUYS.
SEVEN-LAYER DIP AND CHEESE QUESADILLAS.
THAT'S GONNA GET ANY PARTY STARTED.
♪♪
OKAY, GUYS, I'M GONNA TEST YOUR SHARK I.Q.
ARE YOU READY? SURE.
HOW LONG DOES TARGET PREY HAVE
TO EVADE A NURSE SHARK ATTACK?
IS IT 7 SECONDS, 1.2 SECONDS, OR 32 MILLISECONDS?
I'M TORN BETWEEN "B" AND "C." "B" AND "C."
1.2 SECONDS.
I'LL SAY THE MIDDLE -- 1.2 SECONDS.
1.2 SECONDS.
32 MILLISECONDS?
THAT'S CORRECT.
32 MILLISECONDS. WHAT?
CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? NO, I CAN'T.
AND NOW IT'S TIME TO HEAR FROM A SHARK WEEK ICON.
I WONDER WHO IT'S GONNA BE.
IT'S OPRAH! IT'S NOT OPRAH.
IT'S NOT OPRAH.
♪♪
"DEAR CAPTAIN...
OH, CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN.
I'VE BEEN SWIMMING AROUND THIS DUDE FOR MONTHS.
HOW DO I GET HIS ATTENTION?
I KEEP SWIMMING UP CLOSE, EXPOSING MY FIN.
IT MAKES HIM SCREAM, AND THEN HE JUST SWIMS AWAY
AND RUNS OUT OF THE WATER."
WELL, IT SOUNDS TO ME LIKE YOU GOT A CASE
OF THAT CALIFORNIA-SURFER LOVE.
IT'S OKAY. A LOT OF CALIFORNIA GIRLS FALL FOR THIS.
YOU'RE JUST LOOKING FOR THE WRONG SPECIES...
CHASING METAPHORICAL WATERFALLS, IF YOU WILL.
WHAT YOU NEED TO BE DOING
IS LOOKING FOR MORE OF YOUR OWN KIND...
SOMEONE WHO'S GONNA APPRECIATE YOU FOR THAT BIG SMILE OF YOURS
AND YOUR FEROCIOUS ATTITUDE.
♪♪
WE'VE REACHED THE END OF THE SHOW.
MM, MM, MM.
BUT THINGS ARE JUST GETTING STARTED OVER AT SHARK WEEK,
'CAUSE, TONIGHT, THE GREATEST FEMALE FIGHTER OF ALL TIME,
RONDA ROUSEY, WILL SWIM FREELY WITH SHARKS.
WHY? BECAUSE SHE'S AWESOME.
THAT'S WHY.
TONIGHT, ONLY ON SHARK WEEK.
GET IN THE OCTAGON.
Saunders: YOU GONNA BACKFLIP INTO DEATH?
♪♪