It has now been four or possibly 12 days
since Joe Biden was declared president-elect
and Kamala Harris's sassy white friend.
And since then, he has been busy
trying to prepare his team for office.
But it's not going smoothly,
because Donald Trump,
one-term president and tenant from hell,
is still going through all the stages of grief:
denial, rage tweeting,
undermining democracy and back to denial.
The president's latest moves
indicate that he is not ready to concede anytime soon
and that he may not leave all that gracefully.
Several sources throughout government agencies
indicate that President Trump
has put out the word through his staff
that he does not want any federal agency
cooperating with the Biden transition team
and, further, that he doesn't want any government agency
doing anything that would imply
that Biden won the election.
We're also learning that the White House
has started to press these agencies
to come out with a budget for next year
as if there will be no change at the White House.
NEWSMAN: One administration official
telling The Washington Post,
"They're pretending nothing happened.
"We're all supposed to pretend this is normal
"and do all this work while we know
we're just going to have to throw it away."
The Trump administration is reportedly also continuing
to vet new political appointees
for jobs in a second Trump term.
NEWSMAN 2: President-elect Joe Biden, Tuesday,
criticized President Trump's refusal
to concede the election.
I just think it's an embarrassment,
um, quite frankly.
Uh, the only thing that, uh...
How can I say this, uh, tactfully?
I-I think it will not help
the president's legacy.
Shame, guys. Joe Biden is right.
Does Donald Trump really want
denying the election results to be his legacy?
Because I'd like to remember him
as the president who kidnapped kids
and helped kill 240,000 Americans, not for this.
And please, can somebody tell me,
how is Trump still vetting candidates for new jobs?
What's that job interview like?
"So, tell me, where do you see yourself
in five years?"
"No, bitch, where do you see yourself in five weeks?"
Trump is the kind of captain
who would have been taking job applications
on the Titanic.
"So, Daniel, do you have any experience
working on a sinking ship?"
"Um, should we leave?
Uh, a lot of people are jumping overboard."
"Don't worry about them. They're just being dramatic.
Let me show you where you're gonna be sleeping."
(chuckles): I mean, guys, it must be so uncomfortable
working in the White House right now,
because everyone around Trump knows he lost,
but they've got to all go along with the lie.
That's got to be exhausting,
especially when you're already running a fever from COVID.
But, look, I'm sorry, Donald.
This just isn't gonna work.
You can't pretend that everything's fine
when the whole entire world saw you get fired.
My nigga, if people in Bosnia know you don't have a job,
you do not have a job.
Honestly, people, I don't think Donald Trump
has ever looked more pathetic than this.
And, yes, I'm including the time
he played tennis in his sport diapers.
Because the only way that he can overturn the election
is to prove that there has been nationwide voter fraud,
and the truth is that's just not panning out.
Election officials in states across the country
report to The New York Times
no evidence of widespread voter fraud.
The Times reached out to top election officials
in every state to ask whether they suspected
or had evidence of illegal voting.
None reported any major voting issues.
As for Pennsylvania, the president claims,
and I quote, "Pennsylvania prevented us
from watching much of the ballot count."
The Trump campaign went to federal court about this.
Judge Paul Diamond, a George W. Bush appointee,
heard the arguments, and by the end of the hearing,
under questioning from the judge,
the Trump campaign lawyer admitted,
contrary to his initial complaint,
that, yeah, there were, in fact, observers present.
Similarly, the state judge in Michigan
dismissed a lawsuit over access to ballot counting.
She cited a lack of admissible evidence
and whether the campaign had even sued the right party.
In Georgia, the campaign sued
over late mail-in ballots allegedly being counted.
A judge dismissed it, again for a lack of evidence.
Yep. Trump's claims are being thrown out
in the courts all over the country:
Michigan courts, Georgia courts, federal courts.
Even food courts are like, "Man, get your bullshit
out of this Panda Express, Donald."
He's getting thrown out of courts so fast,
the bailiffs don't even say, "All rise."
They're just like, "Nah, y'all can keep sitting, man.
We won't be here long. Yeah, y'all just stay where you is."
And here's the thing, guys. Everyone knows Trump lost.
Even Donald Trump knows that he lost.
You know how you know this?
You realize you haven't seen his face
since they called the race?
He hasn't shown it.
You think that if Donald Trump really thought he won,
he'd be hiding? No. We know this guy.
The guy would be holding a victory rally every single day.
He'd be flying around the country
on top of Air Force One
doing that weird jerk-off dance that he does.
♪ Are you listening to me? ♪
♪ I said, young man ♪
♪ What do you want to... ♪
And just so we're on the same page,
reporters haven't found widespread voter fraud,
election officials haven't found it,
and even the courts haven't found it.
So, now Republicans are putting out a mass call
for voter fraud investigation volunteers.
NEWSWOMAN: Republicans continue to search
for widespread issues.
In Texas, Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick
is offering up to a million dollars
to incentivize, encourage and reward people
for reports of voter fraud
even though there has been no evidence of any there.
Right now, we're in an evidence-gathering phase.
That's why we have a hotline, uh, and we're asking people
to-to let us know
if they have any of these irregularities that they saw.
We'll pursue them, and then we will pursue legal action.
The Trump campaign has set up this voter fraud hotline.
Basically where it could field calls
about these allegations of voter fraud.
I'm told, actually, a lot of those calls
have been prank calls that have been coming in.
(laughs)
Oh, man, these poor Trump lawyers.
They're gonna be getting into court like,
"Your Honor, I have a sworn affidavit
"proving voter fraud from a Mr. Seymore Butts
"and his good friend Ben Dover,
"and-and they're both very concerned.
Wait a minute."
But what did they expect? What did they expect?
You're gonna ask people to call in? What do you expect?
The only calls anyone makes anymore are prank calls.
Any other reason, you just text.
Even when your granny calls you now, she's like,
"Hello, sweetie.
"Is your refrigerator running?
Well, then, maybe you should catch it, you loser!"
(laughs)
I also love how that one guy is offering a million dollars
for evidence of voter fraud.
One million dollars! (chuckles)
That's how you know there's no voter fraud, man.
You never offer a million dollars
for shit you think might actually happen.
It's always like, "Oh, yeah? I'll give you a million dollars
if Cheryl goes to the prom with you."
If you ask me, the real surprise here
isn't that the campaign was so desperate
that they set up a fraud hotline.
It's that they're not charging $3.99 a minute for it.
You guys have only got, like, 70 more days
to profit off this presidency.
Come on, Donald. There's no time to waste.