♪ ♪ ♪
THERE YOU GO!
I FEEL THE SAME WAY. LOUIS.
>> Louis: STEPHEN. >> Stephen: MY FRIEND.
LOUIS, I THINK THAT'S LOUIS. I CAN'T TELL BEHIND THOSE FOSTER
GRANTS. IS THAT YOU, ACTUALLY?
>> Louis: WE CAN ACTUALLY-- WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO.
YOU KEEP IT AS COOL AND AS CHILL AS YOU WANT.
I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I WAS TALKING TO LOUIS CATO BEHIND
YOUR DISGUISE. WE'VE GOT SOME AMAZING GUESTS ON
TONIGHT. WE HAVE THE MUSICIAN, ALEX G.
THE YOUNG PEOPLE ARE VERY EXCITED.
AND I DON'T WANT TO BRAG, NOT EVERYBODY GETS THIS GUY--
MR. GEORGE CLOONEY IS HERE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).
MR. GEORGE CLOONEY RIGHT THERE. RIGHT THERE!
I'M TELLING YOU. I SAID HI.
I SAID HI TO GEORGE BACK STAGE. AND THERE'S JUST SUCH A--
THERE'S JUST SUCH A RADIANCE OF CHARM THAT COMES OFF THE MAN.
>> Louis: WOW, REALLY. >> Stephen: EVERYBODY IN THE
FRONT ROW SHOULD HAVE SUNGLASS OR THE RETINAS WILL BURN OUT.
HOW HANDSOME COULD GEORGE CLOONEY BE, MORE HANDSOME THAN
EVERY. >> Louis: EVERY TIME.
>> Stephen: HE IS A LUMP OF SEXY PLUTONIUM.
ANYWAY, HE'S GOING TO BE RIGHT THERE IN JUST A FEW MINUTES.
SMELLS GOOD, TOO DISPLU HE SMELLS GOOD?
DOES HE SMELL LIKE HIS TEQUILA? >> Stephen: YEAH, IT'S LIKE IF
YOU TOOK TEQUILA AND RUBBED IT INTO A BASEBALL GLOVE.
A MASCULINE, LEATHERY SMELL, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YEAH. I WONDER HOW GEORGE FEELS ABOUT
THIS DESCRIPTION OF HIM. GOOD, I HOPE.
>> Louis: WE'LL FIND OUT. >> Stephen: IT'S MEANT TO BE
VERY POSITIVE. FOLKS-- WHERE AM I, RIGHT HERE.
I WANTED TO CONGRATULATE OUR FRIENDS AT "CBS MORNINGS."
THEY WON A NEWS EMMY LAST NIGHT. OUTSTANDING LIVE NEWS PROGRAM.
>> Louis: COME ON! >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
>> Louis: COME ON! >> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS,
TO GAYLE, TONY, AND NATE. EVERYBODY OVER THERE AT CBS
NEWS. AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY BEAT
JOHN OLIVER.
THANK YOU. FOLKS, I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME
RIGHT OVER THERE, SHUCKING OYSTERS FRESHLY FLOWN IN FROM
THE DAMARISCOTTA RIVER IN MAINE, SERVING THEM WITH FRESH-SLICED
FEMMINELLO LEMONS AND A MIGNONETTE OF NAPA VALLEY RED
VINEGAR AND FINELY DICED SHALLOTS FOR THE
MICHELIN-STARRED RAW BAR PLATTER THAT IS MY NIGHTLY MONOLOGUE.
BUT SOMETIMES, JUST SOMETMES, FOLKS, I WAKE UP IN A RUSTY
DINGHY IN THE MEADOWLANDS, FEVERISHLY PAW THROUGH THE
SLUDGE FOR ANY MUD-CAKED CREATURE THAT'S TOO FULL OF
HEAVY METALS TO WIGGLE OUT OF MY GRASP, AND SERVE IT WITH A
DIPPING SAUCE OF TWO PARTS HARD LEMONADE AND ONE-PART CRUSHED
ATIVAN FOR THE BARGAIN-BIN SUSHI OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:
>> MEANWHILE!
THEY KNOW IT! THEY LOVE IT!
ASK FOR IT BY NAME! IT'S "MEANWHILE."
MEANWHILE, THERE'S BEEN A BIG DEVELOPMENT IN THE WORLD OF HOT
BEVERAGES: A NEW STUDY SAYS DRINKING SEVERAL CUPS OF COFFEE
EVERY DAY CAN HELP YOU LIVE LONGER.
AND IT WAS PUBLISHED IN THE EUROPEAN JOURNAL OF "PREVENTIVE
CARDIOLOGY." OH, YOU GOTTA LOVE THOSE
CONTINENTAL SCIENTISTS.
TAKING A NEW LOVER-- ALL VERY GOOD FOR ZE HEART.
AS WE SAY IN FRANCE, 'A THREESOME A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR
AWAY. UNLESS, UNLESS, OF COURSE, THE
DOCTOR IS IN THE THREESOME. I'M WRITING YOU A PRESCRIPTION
FOR VITAMIN SEX. TAKE ORALLY."
( LAUGHTER )
RECENT STUDY, PEOPLE EXPERIENCED SOME KEY PERSONALITY CHANGES
DURING THE PANDEMIC. WHADDYA MEAN?
SHUT UP! I'M FINE.
( LAUGHTER )
EXTRAVERSION, OPENNESS, AND AGREEABLENESS, PARTICULARLY IN
YOUNG ADULTS.
AT THE START OF 2020, HE WAS A SWEET 10-YEAR-OLD
THREE YEARS LATER, HE'S A SWEATY, MOODY TEENAGER!
THE PANDEMIC GAVE MY BOY B.O.!" THAT'S NOT ALL.
PARENTS OF TEENAGERS OUT THERE. RESEARCHERS DISCOVERED THAT,
ACROSS THE BOARD, NEUROTICISM ALSO INCREASED.
I THINK THEY MEAN YOU. EVERYONE'S SO DISAPPOINTED.
YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ( BLEEP ) TOGETHER.
TO CONDUCT THIS STUDY, RESEARCHERS SURVEYED MORE THAN
7,000 PEOPLE AGES 18 TO 109. COME ON!
INTERVIEWING A 109-YEAR-OLD "WHAT DO I DO WITH MY TIME?
WELL, MOSTLY I SPEND A LOT OF TIME INDOORS, WATCHING TV,
ISOLATED FROM OTHER PEOPLE. WHAT'S THIS ABOUT A PANDEMIC?
ARE THE SPANIARDS SPREADING THEIR FLU AGAIN?
REMEMBER THE MAINE!"
YESTERDAY, THE F.D.A. ANNOUNCED A NEW DEFINITION OF WHAT'S
HEALTHY. PEAR-SHAPED HIPS AND TRANSLUCENT
SKIN. PEAR-SHAPED HIPS AND TRANSLUCENT
SKIN. COME ON.
TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR CONSUMERS TO TELL WHAT'S HEALTHY AND
WHAT'S NOT,s WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH GEORGE CLOONEY.