Listen, if you’re gonna put “mega” in the title, that thing better be awesome.
That’s a rule, you don’t f*ck around with the word “mega.”
Mega Man, Mega Drive, Megadeth, Megalodon, Mega Stuf Oreos.
You put “mega” in the title, that’s the kind of company you keep, better be worthy.
This game is so freaking worthy, it’s…mega worthy.
Like James Worthy, the NBA legend, turned into a robot who destroys factories.
It’s Xenon 2: Megablast, for the original Game Boy.
Mega Worthy will destroy your backboards and your backboard factories.
This game was originally released for the Amiga, and the Atari ST.
Later on, it would come to platforms like the Master System, the Mega Drive…which
is mega fitting.
Oh, not to mention the Acorn Archimedes.
Which…I know it sounds like some kind of chipmunk villain, but I swear to god, that’s
a computer system.
The Acorn Archimedes.
I’m playing Xenon 2 on my Archimedes.
And you wonder why nerds get beat up sometimes.
Anyway, it also came to the Game Boy.
And even though this version is slower, and more simplified, and maybe even a bit dumbed
down…holy crap, this is an awesome Game Boy game.
Listen, if you’re gonna put “mega” in the title, that thing better be Xenon 2.
So it is a sequel.
Something about a galactic conflict, and huge monsters, never heard that one before.
So it’s your job to fly around the galaxy or whatever and blow up these alien monsters
to save the galaxy or whatever.
Oh, ‘cause actually, those animals are…actually bombs.
Makes total sense.
So you hop in this spaceship, you fly through these weird planets, which always have these
weird tunnels, which is weird, you blow up monsters and buy stuff from this guy.
Who is also very…ugly.
He’s an ugly guy.
Actually, the weirdest thing is that this entire system of alien commerce is built around
the concept of copyrights.
You collect a bunch of copyrights, and then you use those copyrights to screw the little
guy, the ugly shopkeeper.
See, this would have to be an alien concept, ‘cause something like that would never happen
on Earth.
Or with videos on the Internet, on Earth.
Well, this is mega awkward.
Hey, can I buy a lawyer?
Hey, speaking of things that are antiquated, game was obviously designed for some pretty
antiquated hardware.
And as you can imagine, a couple sacrifices had to be made to get this kind of game running
on the Game Boy.
So it’s slower, there’s less stuff happening on the screen…you know.
The usual suspects, the kind of stuff you’d expect to happen.
You can still move the screen backwards, though.
Which is very cool.
And I’ll tell you what, it looks pretty good for its platform, too.
The levels retain that alien vibe, and I love the look of some of the bosses, too.
This definitely seems like one of the many video games that were inspired by the Alien
movies…with the walls that are, like, living tissue…with disgusting alien creatures popping
out…plus, even the name.
Xenon.
It’s a great game to play while you’re watching Alien.
Actually, no, you watch Alien when you’re watching Alien…
I repeat, all other priorities rescinded.
So it looks good, it plays great, if a bit slow…the music’s good, too, if a bit repetitive.
Which is another reason to have Alien playing in the background while playing this, shame
that movie is too goddamn good to be in the background of anything.
Even Xenon 2.
But all the same, this game is tremendous.
Highly recommended if you can find it, and a lot of fun.
It’s Xenon 2: Megablast—I’ve already said too much—for the original Game Boy.
Game is mega-awesome.