Gertrude: Oh, darling, look at you!
So, what next, my grown-up boy?
Hamlet: Dunno, maybe travelling...
Laos or something.
Gertrude: But there's a glass-collecting job with your name on it.
These student loans won't pay for themselves.
Hamlet: Can't I just borrow some more money?
Gertrude: Let's see what your father says, shall we?
Hamlet: Mum, dad's dead.
Uncle Claude, mum, we've just had dad's funeral.
Claude: Aren't you a bit old to be moving back home, boy?
Gertrude: Don't be silly.
Claude: Didn't they teach you to wash your own undies at uni?
Gertrude: Happy families, we! Remember?
Ghost of Hamlet's dad: Boy! Put it away!
Hamlet: Dad?
Ghost: Avenge me!
Hamlet: Aren't you dead?
Ghost: I am, you fool! He killed me.
Hamlet: Who?
Ghost: My brother, your uncle, he poisoned me, he stole my wife, and my pup!
Hamlet: This ain't happening.
Ghost: Don't be so ... Waaah!
Gertrude: Sit down, darling. You must be starving.
Claude: Mum tells me you want to travel, see the world.
Go on, then.
Gertrude: I told him he could work here.
Cluade: Why stay here when he can see the world and sow his oats?
Hamlet: Mum, could dad have been ... murdered?
Gertrude: I know this is difficult for you, dear, but dad had a serious problem with the booze.
And Claude .. well, Claude can offer me what your dad couldn't.
Hamlet: Argh!
Ghost: What are you waiting for, you useless lump?
Hamlet: Are you sure?
Ghost: You want proof?
Check his sodding phone ... the pictures. Go on! Yes, yes, see?
Go on, son, kill him! Do it! Do it now!
Hamlet: You killed him.
Claude: No, I know what that looks like. Come on, son, let's talk about this, ey?
Here, have a drink.
Hamlet: Mum, did you know about this?
Claude: Stop!
It's poison.
Hamlet: You tried to poison me!
Claude: Well, you were going to kill me!
Hamlet: I am going to kill you!
Gertrude: Wait!
I used that wine in the lasagne.