hello Rupert I'm Celine hi um I have a question about the happiness from our Essence and the
happiness provided by objects or relationships or Sensations it's they're the same so the other same
The Experience there's only one kind of Happiness that's just happiness okay so my question is
how to there's nothing to remain aware of when we feel happy
in a relationship or with an object or something right because it's already happiness
you can you can be happy and still be aware of objective experience
but your happiness is not caused by the objective experience
you may be expressing it in experience with a friend or but it's not happiness is not caused
by The Experience so there is nothing to go back to or is there do we need if I feel happiness in
a situation if you don't need to ask myself no no no no if you if you feel happiness you
are where you want to be do you live in France no I live in Cambridge Okay you Okay well what
I was going to say was once you've taken the Eurostar from Paris to to King's cross
um okay well a little bit safer well once you've taken the journey from Cambridge
to Buckland Hall you don't investigate how to get to Buckland Hall you're already here yeah
so when you're when you're happy that there's don't start investigating you're
already where you want to be yeah but then when that is taken away I suffer
well in that if it if you feel that your happiness is taken away when the
object is taken away then your happiness was dependent or seemed to be dependent on the
okay but when is there an age or um I get confused I think at some point
because the situation provides me with happiness I forget that no no
this is not the situation that makes me the situation doesn't provide you
with happiness the situation brings your desire to an end and when desire comes
to an end or the seeking mind comes to an end your true nature of Happiness shines
to the situation the person the object the substance has temporarily brought
your search for happiness to an end and when the search comes to an end the activity of
your mind comes to an end it the Mind temporarily dissolves and that your true nature of happiness
shines if you feel that your happiness is derived from and dependent upon the object or
the relationship with them when the object or the relationship the object disappears or the
relationship comes to an end then the happiness will also seem to come to an end yes that's the
experience I make but I I wonder where at which point did I get lost between what is the source
of Happiness just just by believing that an object or a relationship can make you happy
that that was the mistake allowing your happiness
become dependent on an object or a relationship that is a recipe for misery
I'm not even suggesting that one should not desire objects or activities or relationships it's fine
to design them but not on account of the happiness that you believe will be derived from them
so is there a point of being in a relationship then to share your happiness
to celebrate your happiness communicate you saw your love yes
okay but if you if you're in a relationship in order to find happiness
you will demand that your partner behaves in a certain way in order to produce happiness for you
now as long as he or she or behaving in that way you will be happy but the moment they stop
behaving in that way and they do something that conflicts with your idea of how they should be
you will start experiencing unhappiness in the conflicts we'll begin anybody recognize anything
but in this situation it means that relationship should end or
I mean whole relationships are for crisis right all relationships have
crisis was especially relationships that are engaged in where one or both of the partners
demands that the other produce happiness for them then sure there are real crises in relationships
it is also possible for two people to be together who have not come together for that reason to to
seek happiness to find happiness in another person but they may have come together to to share their
innate happiness this doesn't necessarily mean that they will spend the rest of their lives
together all live happily ever after they you may also decide to park company at some stage
okay
but if there is conflict in a relationship the conflict can almost always be traced back to
the fact that the other person is not behaving in the way that we want them to behave in order
to produce happiness for us in other words the other person is not behaving in a way
that is consistent with our expectation of the narrow or our projection on them
and that we Trace back that feeling it always comes from the sense of Separation in ourself
the feeling that I am incomplete and I want the other person to complete me or fulfil me
no nobody can fulfil us that's something we should all learn very early on in life when
we're just embarking on intimate relationships don't expect your partner to fulfil you they
won't and they can't and if we expect them to where that there will be a crack in the
relationship right at the very beginning which sooner or later that crack will
however well we managed to paste it over sooner or later it will open up and develop into conflict