- Being a successful actor and comedian
naturally I like money.
So when BuzzFeed asked me to come in for one week
to do a video about the 1%,
I said, "What if I can do a video
"about becoming the 1%?"
First I discovered
you need over $450,000 a year
to be in the 1% in the state of California.
Then I discovered,
there are 52 weeks in a year
making it $9,000 a week
necessary to be in the 1%.
I decided I needed some help.
So I searched the internet for the only financial advisor
I could find who had TV credits.
Then I invited him to my office,
but BuzzFeed wouldn't allow me to have an office.
So, I needed to create one.
When he arrived, I cut to the chase.
What percentage of the population would you say
is one percenters?
- The good news is it's probably right around 1%.
- I want enough money
to be in the 1%.
- Okay.
- In one week.
- Is this where this whole thing is going with...
You're trying to start a business
and make $9,000 this week?
- Yeah.
Do you want in?
- No.
(laughing)
I'm not the "get rich quick" type of guy.
I'm the actually make money type of guy
long term so you actually build wealth.
- He wasn't useful to me at all.
Then I had an idea.
What if I went on Craigslist
and typed in "make money."
I found a lot of opportunities that went nowhere,
but then I found something incredible.
200 designer sunglasses
for $250.
Hey, yeah this is Barry.
I'm totally interested in doing this sunglasses deal.
Where are you located?
In the L.A. area?
Okay, yeah we're on the way there now.
I met this guy at his place of business.
Turned out, it was a very unusual looking video store
in a terrible area.
I was about to become the only member of the 1%
who got there with a trash bag full of sunglasses.
I tried selling first to major retailers in bulk,
but that's apparently "not how it works."
Although, there was a great moment
where a Sunglass Hut employee
told me how professional I was,
which was lost because an intern forgot to record audio.
Then I figured,
I should sell to the people who have
the most disposable income and fashion sense,
employees of BuzzFeed.
(sighs)
It's sunny.
Do you feel like it's really bright in here or no?
Are your eyes okay?
You want to try on a pair of sunglasses?
You look great in those glasses.
You listen to rap?
I sold these to Tone-Loc.
Fish.
Fish brand.
You want me to just leave that there,
you take a look at it?
You sure?
It's designer.
All right.
$10?
Give me $10, you got it.
Ten bucks.
Well, where's the nearest ATM?
I'll do barter, man, how much is that mouse?
I could take this mouse, ten bucks?
Okay fine.
Ha ha ha, you're so funny.
Seemed like I was missing something.
I couldn't make a cent,
and I was in the hole for $250.
I needed a quick way to make my money back.
(piano music)
I took a tour of a sperm back
before I got right to the jerking.
- So each one of these large tanks
can hold up to 20,000 vials of sperm.
Each vial would be for one insemination.
So it hits the air and just instantly turning to...
It won't hurt ya, it's vapor.
- Is that sperm?
- That's not sperm.
- Oh.
- That's just liquid nitrogen vapors.
So it's not like the movies where you walk in the door
and go into the room and you get a check out the door.
We're gonna look at your educational background,
three generations of family medical history,
STD testing.
- Well, I don't have that stuff anywhere.
No.
- [Scott] Okay, there you go.
- Totally clean.
So if I wanted to do this right now
and fill out the application right now and do it,
am I unable to do it now if I have
done the deed in the last 48 hours.
- Yeah, we would ask you to
abstain from ejaculating for 48 hours
'cause we want to get a full specimen.
We want to really know what you got.
You don't want to sell yourself short.
- Yeah, you know.
I don't know.
But apparently my man juice just wasn't good enough.
This was starting to become hopeless.
But then I remembered,
I'm an artist.
Art is my passion.
I need to exploit that.
So I decided to make an art piece
that I could sell for $9,000.
I used what I had available to me
and what I could find laying around in the BuzzFeed office.
PVC pipe, tape, chicken wire,
and of course, 200 pairs of sunglasses.
My vision was set,
so I employed a bunch of BuzzFeed interns
to do the rest for me,
and then voila, I had it.
My masterpiece,
"Throwing Shade."
(clapping)
All I needed now was an official artist
to give it the seal of approval.
Well, thank you.
So you're gonna certify it?
Can you just look into the camera?
- I don't think I have that power.
- Just say, "I'm Sara Rubin."
- I'm Sara Rubin.
- "Professional artist."
- Professional artist.
- "And I certify"
- I certify
- "That this piece entitled "Throwing Shade," "
- That this piece entitled "Throwing Shade"
- "Is art"
- Is art.
- "And worth $9,000."
- And worth $9,000.
- If you could do it without your hand.
- Okay.
Yeah, it's worth $9,000.
- [Barry] But as the end of the week approached,
sales were low.
I started to think, "Maybe I'm wrong.
"Maybe I'm not a chosen one.
"Maybe the 1% is an exclusive club of geniuses
"that I'll never be allowed into."
Then a BuzzFeed employee whose name
I don't remember approached me,
and told me that the world is so insanely poor
that just being an American
who makes $48,000 a year
puts me in the 1% worldwide.
I did it.
In only one week, I became the 1%
because I figured out that the world was so poor.
Thank you America.
And thank you BuzzFeed.
(light funky music)