Hi guys i'm Eileen. Today i want to talk about the real reasons why some of us are so inclined
to shopping and spending money in quite a mindless way. To a certain extent, a lot of us buy things
including the very expensive pieces not because we need them, and to be honest sometimes we don't
even like them that much, but somehow we just keep wanting to buy more and more. I used to shop a lot
in the past, not because the temptation was bigger than my willpower, it was something a bit deeper.
And i feel like that's often the case for most of us, there's this underlying reason why we find it
so hard to say no to frivolous spending. Firstly, i think some of us shop because of the desire for
validation, at least that was the case for me. I grew up in quite a big family and because i
have two older sisters, i was the kid who always wore hand-me-downs. Looking back, i'm actually
grateful we lived a rather simple life but when i was young, i would think to myself,
if only i could have more nice clothes, new shoes, and everything else, i would be happy.
Unknowingly i started associating having nice things with pride and happiness,
and when i started making a living, i had this urge inside me to prove that i've made. It
it's like i had a void inside me which i was trying to fill with shopping. It's a way of
me projecting i'm no longer the girl who wears hand-me-downs, i can now afford beautiful things.
It also didn't help when i noticed i would be treated differently because of what i put on
myself. For example when i carried a Chanel bag, i was treated more seriously in a Cartier store.
I wasn't entirely aware of this at that point but i did see this nice treatment as a form of
recognition and validation, as shallow as that might sound. Fortunately at this point of my life,
i no longer feel the need to prove myself or my worth with shiny objects, if anything
i prefer to look more low-key. And when i'm not buying anything to seek anyone else's approval,
it straight away cuts down so much on my spending. The next common reason we turn to shopping has to
do with stress. I used to see shopping as a way to escape from the stressful daily grinds. I mean
when you go shopping, everything is tactically arranged to make you feel good and pampered.
The stores are always clean and clutter free, the spotlight makes everything look nicer, the sale
associates are always attentive and patient, and you get to go home with a nicely packaged item.
When i looked at the Chanel handbag i bought completely on impulse, i would say to myself
having this nice Chanel bag makes everything worth it. All the stress, sleep deprivation,
and pushing myself to the limit all don't look so bad now because i can have this lovely Chanel
bag. In a strange way, the purchase also justified why i should go back and work even harder, it kind
of amplified the whole vicious cycle. If you've bought anything because you're having a bad day,
you know the happiness and excitement are often fleeting. You might think you've treated yourself
to something nice, but the reality is, by the time the credit card bill arrives, this
item might have become just another thing in your house. Now stress of course is a very real thing,
so it is healthy to have an outlet to relieve your stress, but it just doesn't always have to involve
shopping. Many times the simpler and cheaper self-care options are also the more nourishing
ones for your body and your soul, such as taking a walk, spending time in nature, and reading a good
book. Another common reason we tend to shop a lot is because shopping just feels like another thing
we are supposed to do. It's like when you grow up, you're supposed to get a job, buy a car, a house,
and maybe get married and have children. That is supposedly the blueprint of a good stable life
which we never really questioned, even though a good life can actually come in many versions.
Anyway for many of us, shopping is just part of that good life template. When you have disposable
income, you buy yourself nice things. Now wanting something nice for yourself is absolutely okay,
especially if you like the item or if the item makes your life easier and better,
but the problem comes when we just go through the motion. For example, buying the next iphone
just because it's the latest edition, or buying the biggest house because everyone else has one,
or buying a Chanel bag just because it's a limited edition. With social media especially,
we are now being programmed to think shopping and spending are just by default part of living
a wonderful life. Sadly the desire to live up to that image of living a good life has put a lot
of people in debt. Now we all have to spend money somehow but you just don't want to wake up one day
and wonder why you're surrounded by so many things you wish you didn't buy and you wish you had
prioritized your financial security a bit more. Another reason you're shopping on a regular basis
might have something to do with boredom. I'll be the first person to admit
i was guilty of doing a lot of boredom shopping. On the weekends i would go to the shopping centers
even when i had nothing to buy, i just really wanted to kill time. Many times i would also
make myself buy something because i didn't like the feeling of going home empty-handed,
i wanted to make the day more worthwhile and exciting. Bear in mind this happened
about 9 to 10 years ago and i want to say boredom shopping is happening on a much
bigger scale nowadays. For example when you're waiting in line and you're feeling a bit bored,
if you're like most of us, you might get out your phone and do a bit of online browsing.
And seeing online shopping is so easy to do and friction free, you could literally order something
quite expensive at the click of your finger and the whole thing is done in less than a minute.
We now live in a world full of distractions, so if you're not careful, boredom can really
cost you a fortune. Something that has worked really well for me to tackle boredom shopping
is to explore other activities, because you really don't want shopping to be your one leisure choice.
To be honest, at first i was like, wait a minute i'm not really passionate about anything, so what
do i do with myself? The key however is to allow yourself to be exposed to new ideas. On that note,
i want to thank Skillshare for sponsoring this video. Skillshare is an online learning
community where you can learn about everything whether it is minimalism, building a business,
interior design, cooking, baking, and you name it. Since last month i've been really interested in
interior design which is why i took the class called interior design basics by Lauren Cox.
This class is like the perfect introduction to interior design. Lauren really covers all the
fundamentals for creating a cozy space. We've been thinking about doing a home extension
and i thought i might as well take the opportunity to learn about how to decorate the space myself.
This class has given me so many wonderful ideas and i can't recommend it enough. If you want to
try out Skillshare, i have a link down below for you guys and the first thousand people to click
on the link will get a free trial of their premium membership for one month, so make sure you take
the opportunity to explore new ideas. I'm not sure if the next one is something you'll agree
but i used to shop a lot more because i didn't see what else my money could do for me.
I mainly understood money as a tool to buy things and therefore happiness. It was really a case of,
i needed to reward myself for working so hard and the only way to do it was
to buy expensive trinkets. Whereas now, i see money as a stairway to
freedom and flexibility. And let me explain that a bit more, so if you are financially secure,
it basically means you have more leverage at work, and so if you are not being treated fairly,
you have the option to walk away and look somewhere else. You can also reduce your
hours or look for a lower paying job. Some people might also have a gap year to travel the world.
For most of us, these options are only possible if we are careful with our money,
and i want to say it applies to high earners as well because even if you're making a very
good living, if you spend everything you make, you are basically still living paycheck to paycheck.
And when i started looking at money that way, it changes everything. I feel like i now respect the
value of money so much more and instead of wanting to buy more and more constantly, i now pay more
attention to how i can put my money to work for me and how i can use my money to make my life better
easier and more fulfilling. Essentially you could see it as a trade-off because you can either have
a huge collection of Chanel handbags or you can give yourself more options and security.
So those are some of the real reasons why some of us find it so hard to cut down on shopping.
If you've been struggling with shopping addiction and you really want to do something about it, try
to look deeper and see if there's an underlying reason for it. I think that's much more effective
than solely relying on your willpower to not shop. On that note please let me know if you could
relate to any of the reasons i mentioned above. So that's it for me, thank you so much for watching
and don't forget to share like and subscribe. I will see you in my next one, have a nice day.
you