Miguel and Todd are literally so annoying.
Okay, let's see if we can crack this together.
"Attach the bottom step to the side rail using
a flat head screwdriver."
Here we go.
That's a Phillips head screwdriver.
This is a flat head.
There's more than one type of screwdriver?
Okay, cool. I got this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Honey, that's a screw, not a nail.
Well, how was I supposed to know that?
Okay, don't get frustrated.
Why don't we just forget about the screws
and just try wood glue instead. Okay?
Great. Here, open this and put on a nice,
fine bead of glue along the seam.
Ah! See, I told you I'm no good at this.
[sighing] Okay. Lincoln, I'll tell you what.
Why don't I build it and you can just watch
how I do it?
Oh, that sounds great. Let's do that.
Guys, this looks so good.
We should literally be interior designers.
- Hey, guys. [shrieking]
Why are you painting the bathroom
my least favorite color?
Uh, duh. We all voted on it at a sibling meeting, remember?
So based on the leftover paint in the garage,
our options are pink or black.
All in favor of pink.
[all] I!
Great. We all agree. Pink it is.
Sigh. Well, I wasn't there.
But of course, as usual, no one noticed.
Oh, come on. Exaggerate much?
Whoops. Sorry, I didn't notice you.
Oh, you guys watching ARGGH? [chuckles]
Fun. But how can you even hear it?
[music playing loudly]
Mother! That's too loud! It's aggravating my tinnitus!
[music playing loudly]
[music playing]
[banging]
[rumbling]
- Hey, Dad. - Ah!
Are you okay?
Oh, yeah. Just a little stiff in the joints. [chuckles]
Not getting any younger.
Oh, you just need an adjustment. Come here.
No, no, no, no, no. No, no. I can, uh, I can walk it off.
[grunting]
[sighing]
[rumbling]
[clanking]
[sighing, clanking]
[clanking]
Dad, it sounds like you're getting worse.
You got to let me help you.
No, no, no, no. I'm just dehydrated.
See? Much better.
[clanking]
[snoring]
Hey, Loons! Let's jam a lama ding dong!
[dinging]
Pops, I'm trying to catch some Z's.
I got school tomorrow.
Come on. Which is more important,
school or rock and roll?
Well, when you put it that way.
Have you guys lost your minds?!
[music playing loudly]
[clanking]
[laughing]
Here's your dinner, Lincoln!
Thanks, Mom.
Hey, will you help me with my science project?
I have to build a volcano.
Sure, honey. Just give me five minutes.
Leni and I are going to practice putting on makeup.
Hey, Dad, can you help me with my volcano?
Sure, son. Just give me five minutes
while I give Lynn some baseball pointers.
And there's your first pointer, Lynn,
never play ball in the house.
Well, you're doing much better, Leni,
but you're still venturing into clown territory.
Mom, can we work on my volcano now?
Oh, five minutes, honey.
I promised Lori I'd take a magazine quiz with her.
But I could really use some help. Dad, can you-
Five more minutes, pal. I promised Luna
I'd help her lay down some funky grooves.
[toilet flushing] Hey, Dad!
I clogged the toilet so you could teach me
how to fix it!
Five minutes, Lincoln. I mean, Lana.
[music playing]
Ow.
In a family as big as mine,
getting attention from your parents is
no easy thing. [thudding, sighing]
How am I ever going to finish this?
Wow, it's finished? Your volcano is awesome, Clyde.
Fear not, eldest sibling.
I can help you with your waitressing woes.
Frankly, I could use the challenge.
It only took me seconds to solve the puzzle
on the young humans menu. BRB.
[drilling, hammering]
Lisa Marie, where are you going with my good zester?!
Santa's watching!
Please secure these to your back.
- Ah! - Behold, robotic waitress arms.
They balance plates, feature a built in pepper mill
and condiment dispenser.
And the best part is they're voice activated,
much like your smartphone.
Wow, Lisa. Thank you so much.
I hope they serve you well.
In the meantime, may I request a booster seat?
Coming right up.
Can we get our bill?
Peppermill coming up.
Wait. Pepper makes me- [sneezing]
Robot arms, stop! Stop!
Two chopped salads? You got it.
No, it's not what I meant!
Condiments coming right up.
Lisa, help!
Open the back panel and-!
[screaming]
[thudding]
[grunting]
[screaming]
Or, that works.
Hey, Leni. What are you doing?
Going back to making Lori's bed.
Nice craftsmanship,
but you can't give up on driving.
It was my fault you didn't pass the test.
Maybe I'm just not meant to be behind the spinny thingy,
you know?
No. See, my video game approach was all wrong.
Let me try a different method.
Okay, lesson one: Preparing to drive.
Oh, you're teaching Leni to drive?
Score. Can I help? I'm sick of sanding Lori's calluses.
- Barf. - Thanks, Lynn.
- Me, too. - Ah!
I can't write another poem for Bobby.
I've run out of words that rhyme with babe.
Thanks, Lucy.
Oh, oh, oh!
- I'll help! I'll help! - Me, me, me!
I want to be of assistance.
All right, guys, we need to set it up like a real car.
[clamoring]
[cheering]
Thanks, guys.
Luna's bass drum is the break,
and Luan's whoopee cushion is the accelerator.
Accelerator? Don't you mean gas?
[laughing] Get it?
This golf club's the gearshift.
The wreath is the steering wheel.
Car horn, turn signal,
and, oh, these keys are well, the keys. Got all that?
Sure.
Great!
Okay, first fasten your seat belt.
That was easy.
Next, check your mirrors.
Why, do I look bad?
No, no, no, no. I meant-
Stop the car. I can't drive in this hideous condition.
[groaning[
That's better.
Here are the plans for the dresser.
And here are all your materials.
If you need anything, just holler.
[door thudding]
Yeah. No.
Clyde, come in. Clyde?
Hey, Lincoln. What's up?
I have a code forest green. I'm at Mrs. Johnson's house,
and I have to build a dresser ASAP.
You know, Lincoln, I hate to be that guy,
but maybe you should've built
the step stool in the first place.
Then Mrs. Johnson could've seen that you're no expert,
and she would have never asked you to build a dresser.
Oh, my gosh, Clyde, you're right.
Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Oh, gee, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make you feel bad.
No, Clyde, the store.
We can just go there right now and buy a dresser.
Ah.
This is going to cost me my last few months
of allowance, but it's got to be done.
[shattering]
Uh-oh.
Oh! Go, go, go!
[screaming]
I really got to remember to bring his birdhouse home
from school.
[grunting]
[screaming]
[grunting]
Oh, we're here.
Somebody let me out!
Bobby's coming over to study,
and I only have three hours to get ready!
[shrieking]
[thudding, growling]
This house is literally falling apart!
Lori's right. With 11 kids, four pets
and two parents who insist on fixing everything themselves,
our house is a bit of a; how do I put this nicely?
Disaster. You've got the faulty water pressure.
Huh? I'll go borrow some water from Charles's bowl.
Try to have a little dignity!
[Lincoln] And the creaky floorboards.
[creaking]
[Lynn Sr] Lori! Leni! Luan!
[Lincoln] Don't forget about the rotting wood.
[thudding]
[Lynn Sr] Luna!
[Lincoln] Then there's the clunky furnace.
Well, Captain, after 13 weeks of careful construction,
your ship is finally ready.
[rumbling]
[Lincoln] And the crummy TV signal.
It's fuzzy again!
[clamoring]
No, no. Whoa! Oh, something's got me!
Wait. Wait. That's perfect!
[cheering]
[Lynn Sr screaming]
[groaning]
[Lincoln] And the doorknob situation.
- Dang it. - Dang it.
Dang it.
And I feel like there's something I'm leaving out.
Yah! Right, the mailbox.
According to 16 1/2 magazine, this pimple patch should vanish
your zit in five seconds or less.
Hit me.
Three, two, one. Rip it!
Did it work?
Of course it didn't work.
We in the scientific community refer to these ludicrous claims
as malarkey.
Ugh.
But don't fret, I've got your back.
[shrieking]
[gasping] Is this safe?
In the hands of a skilled professional like me,
you have nothing to worry about.
[shrieking]
Dang it.
Oopsy daisy.
This skilled professional owes you a scrunchy.
And some lumber for a new mug.
[panting]
[whistle blowing, panting]
Faster. You want to sweat that nasty pimple out or what?
Are you sure this is going to work?
Margo's older cousin said it does, so it has to be true.
[shrieking]
Wait. Margo's cousin also said the Jaguars were going to win
the title this year and they beefed it again.
Yeah, sorry.
Spirits of skincare take this cookie,
I mean, human heart,
in exchange for the removal of Luan's pimple.
Oh.
Sorry, Luan. The spirits seem to be busy.
Yeah, it must be zit season.
RIP Hardcore says that frozen meat reduces
swelling for bug bites,
so maybe it works for pimples, too.
No, Charles, that's not for you!
[barking, screaming]
How's the water pressure, honey?
Great. I'm loving waterfall mode.
Whoops. Forgot about my kid trap.
[beeping]
Uh, hun, do you remember the door code?
Uh, uh-uh. You said it was one of the kids birthdays.
I know, but, but which kid?
[beeping]
"Too many password attempts. Access blocked."
Rita, I need your help. I locked us in.
What? Hold on.
Um, Lynn.
Wow. You weren't kidding about that water pressure.
Maybe I can pry the door open with this toothbrush.
[grunting]
Thanks for nothing, Von Stein.
Honey, wait. Don't forget, we wired the vents.
[groaning, splashing]
Dang it. Forgot about that security measure.
What are we going to do?!
- Lori! - Help!
Lisa! Help!
What's going on?
Help!
Mom? Pops?
Help! We're locked in!
What are you doing in your closet?
Probably just hanging. [laughing]
Uh, why the preponderance of security devices?
[Lynn] Never mind that! Just get us out!
Break the door down if you have to!
Now you're talking.
Gang way for honor!
[screaming, thudding]
[screaming]
Why is there water in your closet?
Why is there a bathroom in your closet?
Uh, you- You didn't know about it?
- No. -Why would we? - This is weird.
Uh, care to explain?
We didn't want to wait in line anymore,
so we built our own bathroom,
and we kept it a secret from you guys, which was wrong.
Yeah. We're always telling you kids to be patient
and wait your turn, and here we cheated the system
and put ourselves first.
[sighing] We're really sorry.
To make it up to you,
you guys can use the new bathroom anytime.
Too bad there isn't much of a bathroom to use anymore.
Nah, you can fix it.
You just need a new subfloor and new tiling.
[thudding]
And a total repipe.
[bell ringing]
Miss Johnson, I just wanted you to know
that I made a step stool.
I don't expect you to change my grade.
I only did it to prove to myself that I could.
Actually, I haven't done the grading yet.
I'm proud of you for giving it a try.
I can tell how hard you worked. There's blood all over this.
Actually, that's ketchup. Maybe barbecue sauce.
Well, I think I'm going to give you a pass.
[clamoring]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold it. Five minutes, girls.
We're helping Lincoln now.
It's finished. Ahem. Drum roll, please.
Three, two, one.
[splatting]