Pac-Man is, like, the Duran Duran of video games. Really big deal in the eighties, did
some great things…but now, the only time you hear about ‘em are on countdown shows
on VH1.
And when you see ‘em, it’s like…wow, that is not how I remember them.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, Pac-Man is one of gaming’s most iconic figures. But let’s
be honest, that distinction is based on the work he did about 35 years ago. And frankly,
if we factored in the stuff he’s done since then…stuff like Pac-Man World, for the GBA…
Well, we might have to reconsider that status.
You can’t do this kind of crap. Not if you want to be an icon.
So I can only imagine the meeting went something like this. “Well, it’s Pac-Man’s 20th
anniversary, how do we celebrate? You, in the corner, how do we celebrate?” Only the
guy in the corner? Yeah, that was actually the cable guy, he was there to fix the cable.
So he stands up, he’s got himself a little chubbie. And he thinks about it and says,
“Well, my kid played a bunch of that Super Mario 64 game, back before my wife left me.”
“Oh, thinking outside the box, huh? Let’s do it.”
That was the meeting, that was it. And what came of that terrible idea…was this terrible
idea. So guys, this is Metal Mario Pac-Man. Metal Mario Pac-Man, this is the guys.
Actually, he can’t hear us, he’s underwater. You know, where Pac-Man would be.
Now, Pac-Man World was originally released on the PlayStation, back in 1999. This version
came five years later. And it’s actually pretty close to the original version, but
that’s part of the problem. The original version, which was supposed to be a 20-year
celebration of Pac-Man, somehow ended up feeling more dated and time specific than the original
game.
I mean, there was nothing like the original Pac-Man.
But this Pac-Man? There’s almost nothing this Pac-Man isn’t like.
So what is Pac-Man World? Well, it’s an isometric platformer. On a handheld. So if
you’re into things like, oh, seeing where you’re jumping and judging angles…well,
I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news. Not easy to do in Pac-Man World, which makes platforming
problematic. But then again, that’s the least of the game’s problems. What’s much
more offensive to me is the flagrancy with which this game steals from other games.
Hey, Mario! Thanks for the metal cap, uh, mind if I take the butt-stomp, too? Oh, and
Sonic. Listen, bro, I was just gonna borrow the spin dash, if that’s okay.
Oh, and I might need a scarf later, if it gets cold.
I mean, the game design here is just…it’s totally pointless. And it’s a shame, because
this is supposed to be the 20th anniversary Pac-Man game. Man, if I were Pac-Man, I would’ve
been shopping my resume way before this. It doesn’t play well, it’s shamefully derivative…and
even worse, what Pac-Man ideas it does have, are more out of place than the stolen ones.
There are spots where you get to eat pellets and avoid ghosts, like a Pac-Man maze. Hey,
but if you’re gonna do a Pac-Man maze? You kind of need a maze, Pac-Man.
Without a maze, it’s just dots.
Dots that are now flash grenades. Like, why?
The presentation is about as generic as you’d expect, too. Crappy music, and artistically,
it’s just…well, we’re doing pirate ships, outer space, lava…hey, someone play go Mario
or Donkey Kong or something. See what other levels should we do, ‘cause I don’t know.
I mean, what are we supposed to do, mazes? Don’t be crazy, think of stuff you’ve
seen in other games.
We have pellets and fruit, that’s enough from Pac-Man.
Wow, this game got under my skin, didn’t it? This is a real surprise.
Obviously, this game irritated me. And it’s not because I don’t like Pac-Man. It’s
the opposite, actually. I love Pac-Man. And I want Pac-Man games to be as great as they
should be. But this whole thing where, oh, we’re making Pac-Man platformers? Ugh. Get
out of here, with these Pac-Man platformers. Not only is it generic design, it’s lazy
design.
And for Pac-Man! I mean, how is Pac-Man…this?
Well, that’s easy, ‘cause this isn’t Pac-Man. Pac-Man’s an icon.
This is a cash in. Of…suck.
This game sucks.
It’s Pac-Man World for the Game Boy Advance. Thanks to Alex from Wildwood, Maryland, for
sending it in, too. This game at least made me feel something. And even it was uncontrollable
rage…at least that’s something. Especially for a game that’s nothing.