♪♪
- Welcome.
[scattered audience laughter]
As the writer slash director,
slash producer slash art designer
slash choreographer slash many other roles
that will go greatly unappreciated...
I wanted to make this piece
something utterly unique,
something that rises above
the expected and tired tropes of theatre.
Hence why you have found yourself
in the cafeteria converted black box.
This piece will challenge you.
But it will do so in a way that all good art should.
[audience laughter]
You can clap for that.
Clap for art that challenges,
and confronts you!
[hesitant clapping]
Now prepare your bodies for the painful birth
of a new theatrical experience!
Prepare yourselves for,
the West Forest Elementary holiday performance of
Santa Finds a Puppy!
[tapping out keys]
We take you now to the North Pole,
where a little boy looks for his lost puppy.
[chair squeaks]
- Rex?
Where are you Rex?
Have you seen my puppy Rex?
April: Aw!
[giggles]
[audience laughter]
[pounds keys ominously]
- I hate to interrupt,
but how dare you people!
You think art is adorable, hm?!
If you're moved to cry,
please, cry.
If you're moved to laugh at the grotesque absurdity
that is life, do so,
but do not patronize my performers again!
[audience laughter]
[tapping out keys]
We take you now to a house down the lane,
where Santa and Mrs. Claus enjoy a warm fireplace.
[chair squeaks]
[Ike sniffs]
Ike: [softly] Ho ho ho, merry Christmas.
Jetta: [quietly] Thank you, Santa.
- Little louder, sweetie!
[pounds keyboard]
- Is there a braying donkey in the audience?!
- Sorry, that's my baby up there,
just wanted to make sure--
- Do not.
Heckle.
My artists.
- What?
No, no, I was--
- Art!
Is what keeps these children alive.
And you, you just pulled the plug
on the hospital bed of art!
Shame on you, ma'am.
April: I'm sorry!
Austin: Shame, shame, shame,
shame, shame!
Your scene is over.
She ruined it, it's done!
[audience laughter]
[tapping out keys]
We take you now,
to back behind the reindeer stable,
where a lost puppy looks for its owner.
[continues playing keys]
[chair squeaks]
Tori: Woof.
Hi daddy!
Hey daddy, hi!
Hi dad!
No, no daddy no,
no picture!
No picture daddy!
[slams keys]
[screaming]
- What is going on?
- Oh, is that annoying?!
Well that's exactly what you're doing
to these artists!
You have imprisoned their souls!
You cruel, cruel man!
- That's my daughter you maniac!
- Oh, I'm the maniac!
Oh!
Oh, oh I didn't realize that I was the one
ruining this performance!
- You are!
- No, you are!
April: Boo!
[all booing]
Austin: Boo!
Boo!
[slamming keys]
I boo you, Philistine hoard!
Dalton: Excuse me!
Please calm down!
Quiet!
April: Everyone, quiet,
a loud man is speaking.
- I'm a theatre critic from the big city.
[audience laughter]
I've seen a thousand plays,
I've drowned in cliché art.
I came here tonight because I was told
I would see something new.
I thought,
"At an elementary school play,
fat chance."
But I'm a stubborn old cuss.
Tonight, I saw performances
that shocked me back into life.
- Finally, yes, a man who appreciates art!
- This!
This is why I watch live theatre!
That was bizarre, unsettling,
provocative!
My review, five stars!
[gasping in disbelief]
But you ma'am, your performance,
wow!
- Oh, me, no no,
I was- I was not a part of the performance.
- Wait, what the-
that was all real?
[audience laughter]
Your insane interruptions?
- Yes.
- I must amend my review.
Cute kids, but lady you stink.
[crowd cheering]
- Noooo!
[keys smashing]
[inaudible muttering]
- Speak up, children.
Tell them to like and share the video.
[inaudible muttering]
Louder, children,
from the diaphragm,
tell the people the artistic value
of subscribing to the channel!
Ha!
Now tell them to download the BYUtv app
for free exclusive content!
[frantic inaudible muttering]
I should've become an accountant.