Transcriber: Estrela Blanco Reviewer: Anna Sobota
We’re going to start with a meditation.
Let’s all find a comfortable seat.
Lengthen your spine.
Relax your shoulders.
Let’s all close our eyes.
Yes, everyone, trust me on this.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath in through the nose.
And exhale, soften.
Begin to think back to a time
when you were having the best orgasm of your life.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Stay with me.
Eyes closed.
Feel your skin.
Your breath.
The waves of pleasure through the body.
Now, keep your eyes closed.
And slowly bring your awareness back to this moment
and gently blink your eyes open.
Now I’ve got your attention.
Wouldn’t you love to have orgasms like that?
Or even better, every time?
I’m a Mindful Intimacy Coach.
And here are some things I see around sex and intimacy.
Women who don’t really enjoy sex
and are mainly doing it for their partners.
Men who think they know what women want.
And couples who aren’t listening to each other.
Most of us have been there.
Maybe you’re there right now.
These issues go beyond the bedroom and we need to talk about it.
I am here to tell you how Mindful Intimacy
can improve your relationships.
Mindful Intimacy is a practice of being fully present
in your mind and body with no judgement.
It’s about getting to know someone deeply and be completely free in their presence.
An that person can also be yourself.
But most days we are too tired and disconnected
to even think about intimacy.
At least half the time we’re awake,
we’re not actually paying attention to what we’re doing.
The most powerful sex organs
that nobody talks about
are the brain
and the ears.
Because orgasm starts in your mind.
The biggest issue I've noticed is we don't listen mindfully.
We’re not listening to our bodies, our thoughts or to each other.
My clients tell me they want better pleasure
and communication from their partners.
Others are like, “Oh, I’m not with anyone, so I don’t need your trainings.”
But here’s the thing,
intimacy starts with yourself.
So, what do we do?
Start by being aware of the sensations of your body.
I thought I knew my body so well until I went to a workshop
and learned about the seven different types of female orgasms.
Yeah, exactly.
My reaction was the same.
So everyone, take notes.
There’s a clitoral, cervical,
U-spot, A-spot, G-spot, anal and even nipple orgasms.
Yeah.
It takes women at least 20 to 40 minutes just to warm up to climax,
whereas it takes men only two to seven minutes
on average.
Did anyone learn this in sex ed class?
Because I didn’t.
It might also explain why many women ignore pain during intimacy,
thinking we're taking too long and rush through it.
It also doesn't help that we've been conditioned to be ashamed of our genitals.
Female genitals are rarely described in an empowering way.
Ever heard of the word “Yoni”?
In ancient Sanskrit texts,
Yoni means a divine symbol of female sexual pleasure and power.
Yet many of us focus more on how the yoni looks
rather than how it makes us feel.
Let's instead stop worrying about judgment
and pay attention to what gives us pleasure.
Then we can better express what we like.
It also helps to listen to our thoughts.
Because all of us have this constant inner dialogue
that prevents us from staying fully present.
So many times these sex organs,
brain and ears, don’t connect.
In close relationships, and you guys have probably experienced this,
we interpret the meaning of what our partner is saying
based on what we believe is true.
It’s called Closeness Communication Bias.
It's a real thing, guys.
The problem is we don’t listen to understand.
We listen to react.
I’ve been there.
I’ve been in relationships where
the physical intimacy was great!
But I wasn’t happy.
Because we weren’t listening to each other or truly connecting.
When we just listen, we don’t need to agree.
Understand that the other person can have a completely different perception
of the same reality.
What keeps relationships thriving
is the effort we put into cultivating self-awareness
beyond the bedroom.
That's what's really sexy.
I get it.
Everyone wants to know about the orgasms.
This one time, I organized an intimacy workshop called
“Discover Your Feminine Potential” and nobody signed up.
So I was like, what’s going on?
Then I changed the title to
“How to have better sex”.
Boom! Sold out.
Nothing else changed.
Just the title.
But guess what?
Nobody's getting to the orgasm if your mind isn't even here.
Mindful intimacy isn’t just about sex.
Use your brain.
Explore what feels good to you.
Pay attention to your thoughts.
Use your ears if you have a partner.
Really, listen to what they’re telling you.
Bring your relationships to a whole new level
and then, you can explore those seven different types of orgasms.
Thank you.