Welcome back. This week in my Dark Corner of this sick world.
'Manos will be served.'
Oh yes.
‘Why don’t we sing a song to pass the time?’
Alongside Plan 9 from Outer Space Manos: The Hands of Fate is the most oft-quoted ‘worst film ever’
But is it?
‘It’s a terrible mistake’
On the face of it; yes.
Whether it’s out of synch car door slams,
the worst slapping in movie history,
or the fact that the little Debbie’s post-production dubbing makes it sound like she’s possessed by Satan.
‘I’m getting cold mother and hungry’
The production values on Manos are laughable.
And I could go on, there’s the neverending cat fight,
this brilliantly thorough search.
Then there’s the Master’s assistant,
‘I am Torgo I take care of the place while the Master is away’
Initially Torgo was to be a hunchback but director Harold Warren thought that was a bit cliché,
and I agree I’m just not sure big knees was the logical next step.
'But Manos would not approve'
Torgo is played by John Reynolds who was apparently on LSD throughout,
not that you’d know it to look at him.
Manos could well be the worst made film ever.
‘What foolishness is this?’
But worst made doesn’t mean worst,
Manos’s budget was $19,000 it was always going to look awful.
It’s easy make fun, but in my Dark Corner of this sick world we believe story is more important.
Budget doesn’t limit imagination.
There’s enough tediously derivative blockbusters out there to tell you that!
‘You’re responsible for this nonsense’
So how does Manos measure up on the level playing field of storytelling?
‘I don't know and I couldn't find anything wrong with it either’
Really quite badly.
Who the master is...
'God of primal darkness as thou have decreed, so have I done. The hands of fate have doomed this man.’
and why he wants another wife when all his current ones do is nag via a badly looped dub, is never established.
‘I don’t know about it, I just don’t know’
That’s not a deal-breaker; horror is a genre that should pose questions.
Far more perplexing is the behaviour of the family trapped at the centre of this,
‘No way out? ’
I say trapped, but there’s actually nothing to stop them leaving.
‘10 Miles?!’
I guess it’s a bit of a walk.
‘It might as well be 10,000 miles’
Really? And even then, if your dog is killed. You’re harrassed by the caretaker, and you discover this in the back yard...
'Mike it's horrible.'
personally I would leave.
‘I don’t wanna stay here’
Then why do you?
‘We’ve got to leave now’
Then why don’t you? And when they do finally make break for it,
‘Let’s go back’
Oh for frigg’s sake!'
They’ll never think of looking for us back at the house.’
Probably not but they will return at some point, it’s where they bloody live!
‘You know you might have a point there’
If you’re looking for some crumb of redemption in Manos don’t look at the plot!
In fact don’t look! There’s nothing! It’s awful!
‘It won’t help to get mad’
I don’t know if Manos is the worst film ever any more than Citizen Kane is the best but it has to be a contender!
‘I don’t like this’
If you've got a film you'd like us to review leave a comment below and don't forget to subscribe
#Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily life is but a dream.#