What do you know about the relationship between men and women in Islam?
Are you married?
No, I'm not married.
I'm not surprised.
I'm actually engaged.
Well, I feel sorry for her.
I feel sorry for you.
Khadijah. We're friends, right?
Right.
And you know that whatever I tell you is out of my love for you.
Right?
Right.
Khadijah, are you happy about your engagement?
Of course.
It's just that I’ve seen some red flags in Bilal.
Like what?
Like him liking pictures of girls online.
Do you know about that?
I mean, yeah.
And you're fine with that?
No.
Okay, look, Khadijah,
I don't want to be the one to tell you this,
but he's also been sending me messages as well.
Look at this.
*Exhales*
Are you okay?
I think I need to call Bilal.
Can you stay with me for support?
Yeah, whatever you need.
Hey Khadijha,
Hello, Salam Bilal.
I called because I have an urgent matter to discuss with you.
Yeah. What's up?
I just want to be transparent with you.
I'm not happy with your inappropriate behavior.
Like what?
What are you talking about?
Like you liking inappropriate photos
of girls on socials
and sending them DMs and flirting with random girls.
What's the problem with that?
Yeah, so what? I can do whatever I want.
Excuse me.
You can't tell me what to do and what not to do.
Okay. That's all there is to it.
That's it.
She can’t tell me what to do.
I tell her what to do.
*Dialtone*
Wait.
Did he just hang up on you?
Look, I have an idea.
How about you come to my house and speak to my mum?
You know her, and she knows you
and tell her about what's going on
and see what she says.
And that's what happened.
I see.
I don't know why he would do such a thing.
I thought he was someone else.
I don't know who he is anymore.
Mm hmm.
How long have you been in this relationship?
It's been five months.
The wedding is planned for the end of this year.
Is Bilal the man that you want to marry?
I thought I did.
I just. Now. I just don't know.
Mm hmm. Okay.
Is Bilal the right person for you?
You think?
Yeah. I can think of reasons why he is.
He's like.
Like he's funny and he's well-educated, and he's.
He's well-off.
You know.
Khadija, the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ
told us to look for two things in a man, his religion and his character.
What do you know about his religion?
He's a good Muslim.
He's studying Islamic studies as a part of his degree.
Does he pray?
I assume he prays.
Sorry, but he doesn't even know where the prayer rooms are on campus.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't even pray.
Let's not make assumptions, Aisha.
But, you know, prayers is very important, Khadija.
So it is very crucial to make sure that your future husband preserves his Salaat.
He goes to the Masjid, and you need to investigate that.
How about his character?
He's mostly fine. He's not perfect.
Sometimes he doesn't take criticism
well, you know, sometimes it's hard with the give and take.
How does he treat his mother?
His sisters?
Women around him?
To be honest, I haven't seen many interactions
with his mother or women in his life.
From what I know, he has some pretty strong views about women.
And do I need to remind you that he was messaging girls inappropriately?
What if I tell his parents?
Do you think he even cares?
I mean, he hung up on your face.
Okay, so the man that he doesn't know how to treat his mother,
his sisters, women in the class,
how he will treat you after marriage.
So I just want to remind you of something, Khadija,
that now he's showing you the best of him, the best of his character.
After marriage, he will be worse.
But what if I'm being too demanding, or my expectations are just too high?
I don't think, Khadija, that you are demanding alot.
These are the bare minimum of the expectations.
You have certain values and you need to protect these values.
And this has to be so clear in your mind
if one of your values is faith,
then the boundaries will appear to protect this value.
If your value is your honour, your reputation.
Boundaries are to protect these values.
Look, I understand, but it's just a little bit hard to make a decision
when we've already set the date and the whole day's planned
and I've even got the ring, so I'm not sure what to do.
Khadija, I'm just reminding you that the purpose of marriage
is not the wedding, not the white dress, not the diamond ring.
The purpose of marriage is to find that peace,
Allah (swt) mentioned in the Quran, He said, “So you find peace”.
لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا (Quran 30:21)
So the purpose of marriage is to find this peace
and also to have children, to have grandchildren.
Allah mentioned that in the Quran.
وَجَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَزْوَاجِكُم بَنِينَ وَحَفَدَةً (Quran 16:72)
So he created from you and your spouses, children and grandchildren.
If you look at that big picture,
marriage definitely is not about one night.
It's a whole journey on planet Earth.
It's okay Khadijah.
I'm not taking a decision on your behalf and everything will be fine.
Allah (swt) has destined this to happen?
So you need just to rely on Him,
pray Istikharah (prayer of guidance)
and do Tawakkul (Trust on Allah)
It’s okay. Don't worry about it.