- One month and 16 days later,
And we're having my first episode about marriage.
- Yay! - Yeah yeah!
- I made it to the club! (laughs)
- You finally joined the cool kids club.
- Hey, look at us.
- [Shawn Evans] Look at us. - Huh?
- [Shawn Evans] Who woulda thought?
- Not me.
- Kwaku is the only unmarried host, officially.
- Whoa.
- And that's not about to change.
- (laughing)
- Does that say more about the club, or Kwaku?
- I dunno.
(laughing)
Could go either way.
- He doesn't watch the episodes, he'll be fine.
(laughing)
- He's never gonna see this. - He's never gonna see this,
- The ones that he's not in, yeah no.
- Yeah, what can we say, he'll never know.
(laughing)
(upbeat music)
The sad story, so like the week of the wedding,
Taylor got my ring, but it was too small.
And it was super custom ordered,
and they don't do returns or whatever,
so we were super bummed
cause we spent all this money on a ring,
but it had come with a silicone ring,
so I just wear this one.
- Oh I love that.
- And I have the ring on my desk,
that I don't actually wear.
- (laughing) A lot of people just use
silicone rings nowadays though.
- Yeah, they're really useful, yeah.
- Yeah, keep your fingers from getting ripped off.
And, it's kind of scary, the fact that my wife
has so much money on her finger.
- Oh my gosh, yes. - You know?
- It's the fact that if she just waves her hand
and it flies off, I'm like,
"Well, we are literally poorer than we were!"
- Oh my gosh, I read a story online
about a woman who dreamed that she was getting mugged
or something, and she took off her ring in her dream,
and swallowed it.
(laughter)
In real life!
In her dream, she did it, but
in real life she swallowed her wedding ring.
- In real life she actually swallowed (laughing)
- Oh my gosh that's horrible!
- And had to go to the doctor and had it fished out.
(laughing)
- That is scary because I feel like that's something
I would do when I'm dreaming, I'll wake up
and do stuff. - In your dreams your crazy.
- Don't let your dreams be dreams.
(laughing) - That is so scary.
- So that's, first year of marriage.
- (laughing) No, that didn't relate.
- No, that does relate, because you made me think of
just getting used to sleeping next to someone else.
There's so many little things
that happen in the first year of marriage,
that I know you think about, but you don't realize
are gonna be as hard.
Not even hard, but just...
- It's just an adjustment.
That's the first time,
not like, the first night,
but it was just weird to go to bed
and realize there's somebody next to me.
And then I'm like, "Do we snuggle?"
And so I put my arm around Taylor and I'm like
"Oh, I'm so hot!"
(laughing)
And so then I take my arms off
and she's sad and she's like (whines)
cause Taylor will make sounds when she's sad like (whines)
that I'm not snuggling her,
but then I feel bad, but I'm so hot,
so then I take off the blanket off of me
and then I wrap it around her and snuggle her,
but then she's like "But then you're not touching me,
"you're just touching a blanket"
and I'm like (groans) and I'm like,
"Who knew this would be so hard?"
- (sighs) Oh, you make it so difficult sometimes.
- I do, I really do.
(laughter)
- This is like, first week of marriage stuff.
- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah.
- And I'm a really restless sleeper,
my legs are always moving and stuff,
so then Taylor's just sitting there,
and I'm just wiggling my legs
and she's like "Are you okay?"
I'm like "Yeah, this is just how I sleep!"
(laughter)
And she's like, "That's weird."
- Oh my gosh. - I don't know.
Things like that are so funny
I hope it's just the first few weeks, cause it's still...
- No, you get so used to it.
And what you were saying about the wedding rings too.
My ring, I don't even remember how much it costed.
- Good. - So don't worry.
A lot of it, I feel, after the first six months even,
you're just used to it. - Yeah, it gets more normal.
- When you get married, your whole first year,
it is just an adjustment, is the biggest thing.
I don't know, it's just so different living your life
so closely with somebody else.
And it doesn't mean it's bad, it's just different,
and it's a whole different way of living your life.
It's like a whole new lifestyle.
- And it might be a Latter Day Saint thing,
because outside the Church, a lot of people
will live together before getting married,
- Yeah, that's true.
- or they just won't get married.
And so for them it's probably
not that much of an adjustment,
but we don't live together
before we get married so then it's just
(snaps) one day to the next, now.
You're not just alone.
- Oh my gosh, yeah. - Yeah.
- This is so funny.
When I walked in for our honeymoon,
This is so embarrassing!
No, it's not gonna be weird.
- "Walked in for your honeymoon," What does that even mean?
- Exactly! - So we walked in,
(laughing)
- No, we went into the hotel room for our honeymoon,
and I walked in and there was only one bed,
and I was like "what the heck?"
I knew.
I knew there would be one bed, but I was like,
"This is so weird," it was just funny.
- You were like, "so where are you sleeping, husband?"
(laughs)
- Maybe that's too embarrassing to keep it,
it was just so funny. - No it's true.
- Cause I was like, "this is so weird."
- Yeah.
- I think the biggest thing for me in the first year was,
there's the marriage aspect,
but there's also the adulting aspect.
- Yeah. - Right.
- Where you, I don't know.
I was in school before I got married,
and then all of a sudden I was thrust into,
now you've got all these different, you're independent.
At least in my case, more than
any other time I had been in my life.
So there's: gas bill, water bill, electricity bill,
internet bill, rent to pay, car insurance.
- Well, the insurance, yeah!
We came home from our wedding and we had debt,
because, we spent more than we should have on the honeymoon
and stuff, and I had credit card debt.
I'm like, "what is this?"
- If you don't have any money, you should not buy anything.
Hmm, sounds interesting.
- Sounds confusing!
- And they charge you so much!
And my dad's like, "What have you done?"
And he's like, "Let me help you!"
And then he's like, "Oh, you have
"to get off my insurance now."
And then I'm like, "Crap!"
And that's one thing, at least what I'm learning, is that
you're stressed out, but very rarely are you stressed out
because of your spouse.
It's almost always life just gets more stressful
as an adult, and as you mature,
but then it's really easy to confuse those feelings with
"Well the only thing that's changed
is that I'm married now."
So, that's something I've kind of dealt with.
My first thought is, "Oh, maybe it's because I'm married,"
maybe that's what's stressing me out,
and then I'll have to talk to Taylor a lot.
- And it's interesting cause a lot of times
we think if life gets more complicated, it gets worse.
But, if you get married, yeah,
life does become more complicated,
because now it's not just you that you're worrying about,
it's two people, but it also becomes better, you know?
- Oh, yes! - Absolutely.
- Super.
I think it's just so much more fulfilling.
Everything is more fun.
I've eaten so much better!
We make a meal almost every night, and we cook together.
- I haven't had Top Ramen in months!
(laughing)
- A year.
- Wow. - Oh my gosh.
- Ever since we started dating.
But it's so fun!
Because my job is to cut the meat
cause Taylor doesn't like touching meat,
cause it's gross.
So I cut the chicken or whatever,
and then she cooks the veggies,
and we mix it all together and we eat really good meals.
- It makes the little things in life so fun.
I used to hate going grocery shopping.
It is the worst.
I always wanna buy everything and I take so long,
and when I need one specific thing,
I never know where to find it.
So anyway, it was just the worst!
But then, when Eric and I got married,
it just makes the little things in life more fun.
We can go to the grocery store and have fun.
We can go drive far away on a long road trip
and have fun together. - Road trips are fun, yeah.
- Even just getting ready for bed,
it just feels fun to have your best friend.
- Brushing your teeth...
- If you're marrying the right person, yeah!
It just makes the little things in life
so much more enjoyable because
you're with your best friend forever.
- Yeah.
What was the hard things for you guys?
That was the hardest or still are the hardest?
- Before you get married you're just like,
♪"Oh my gosh, I'm getting married,"♪
And you're in the Disney Channel.
- What were you like?
♪"Ah, getting married!"♪
(laughing)
But you're two different people,
and that doesn't necessarily change.
That's the whole point of marriage is to take two people
and try and make it work, you know?
- Well you kind of balance,
you work to become the best person.
But that means there's a lot of refining.
- Oh, yeah. Definitely. - Absolutely.
- So I'd say one of the tougher parts
is getting to the point where you accept
that on some things, luckily in my marriage
it's not very many things, but on some things,
you just see things differently, and that's fine,
and you have to be able to
push through that or you're doomed.
- You know? - Yeah.
So you learn to push through it.
And that happens in every marriage.
Expect that, that's normal.
- I think that's why it's important to have,
and I think it's easier if you have
the similar religious views.
Cause that's the only thing I can imagine.
I can only imagine if my wife and I
had different views about God
or what we're going to teach our children.
Then that would be really hard to push through.
But everything else, like politics, I don't care.
- Yeah, most of it's not a big deal.
- Like what we eat for dinner,
if they are so set on one thing,
it's really easy to be like, "Okay, yeah."
But that's why it's nice to have the same views at the end.
- But it is also really easy
to let little things get to you,
as you become more comfortable with people.
Somebody wrote on here, where is it?
Your spouse is not one of your siblings,
they do not have to accept (trails off)
I thought that was interesting cause when they're family
sometimes you do start to treat them
like your siblings when you were a kid.
- Hitting yourself! - Ow!
Stop hitting yourself! - Ow!
Stop hitting yourself! (laughing)
- Which is a terrible thing to do.
Don't do that with your spouse.
You can't do that.
- That's true, I didn't even note that.
Interesting.
- I think that's weird. - No I feel that I do
Sometimes I tease Taylor
but it's definitely in this very sibling-esque way.
- And sometimes that's fine, but it's interesting to see.
Okay, there are a few things
that you're going to disagree on,
but there are also a lot of things where you're just like
"Wow, we are the same person," at the same time.
- Yeah, that's fun.
- My wife and I we hate spending money,
so if she'll wanna go buy clothes she'll be like,
"Hey, let's go to Ross."
And I'm like "Okay, yeah, totally."
Our favorite clothing stores are Ross, and the DI,
and we're just like "Yes!"
(laughing)
We are the best!
- It's so funny!
You don't even have to have a lot in common with your spouse
going into things, but as you're married,
you find things like that, that you just have in common,
and they become your go-to things.
I always liked going out and going to parties
and doing social stuff and Eric would rather do stuff in,
and going into marriage, and even when we started dating,
I was like, "Well, I'm not going to
"go out to all these parties anymore,"
cause that's weird if you're dating someone,
cause he wouldn't wanna go.
But anyway, being in a marriage,
I would kind of worry about that,
but now we've kind of just found our groove,
and we'll go to stuff every once in a while
and he'll compromise, and sometimes we'll stay in
and I'll compromise.
But you get into your groove of what you're used to doing,
and it's stuff like that where you're so on the same page
of like, "Yes, let's stay home and watch "Avengers!"
And it's so fun, it's just so fun.
- Yeah, I mean, I don't have a lot of advice to give,
but I think the best thing is to be so flexible.
I think you get in trouble when you have these expectations
in your mind and if you're firm on those expectations,
first of all, they're going to be,
not necessarily disappointed, but just changed; different.
Things aren't going to turn out exactly how you plan.
And if you can't budge on that,
you're just going to be really unhappy.
And that's something Taylor and I have been
talking about a lot; expectations that we had.
And you don't even realize you have expectations
about how the kitchen is going to look;
Where the silverware is gonna be.
And I just realize, personally, it's just so easy
if you just let it go and are just so flexible.
It's like, "Yeah! Let's put this stuff here,
"let's put this stuff here."
And if there's something that is important to you,
make sure you communicate that.
Cause if you don't say, and they're doing it,
like if Taylor puts the blankets in the wrong spot
and that bugs me and I'm not saying it,
that's how you get irritated and it's not their fault.
- Absolutely.
Communication is the biggest part of it.
If you grew up one way,
where if one spouse cooks dinner,
the other one's supposed to clean up dinner,
and you cook dinner,
so you're expecting your spouse to do it,
but you literally never asked them to,
they're not gonna do it,
and you're just gonna sit there and be bugged.
For me, I think we talked about this
in a previous marriage episode,
cause I feel like it's familiar,
but for me, that was a big thing.
Is cause I would never wanna ask Eric to do stuff cause
I never wanted to sound bossy
or like I'm just asking him to do stuff,
when really I could just be like,
"Oh, Eric, I would so appreciate it
if you put away the dishes because I made dinner tonight,
and he'd be totally fine with it.
When there would be little disagreements,
it'd be when I'd be expecting him to do it,
and he wouldn't offer, but he can't read my mind,
you know what I mean?
So communication's so key.
- And you do get to a point where you kinda read minds
(laughter)
and you know by the way their eyes are
or the sounds they make, you're just like
"Oh my goodness, she's angry at me!"
and then you're like, "Taylor, are you mad?"
"No."
"You are, I knew it!"
(laughter) Oh, that never happens.
- We all know that "It's fine," doesn't mean "It's fine."
(laughter)
That is a common thing amongst all, yeah.
- I can confirm.
- It's so funny because we say that and we know that
and it still happens every day.
- I know, I know.
It's true, I do it.
- It's good, you work through it.
- In your first year, you have to learn how to be humble.
That's really important.
Because the fact is that you're not perfect,
and your spouse isn't perfect,
and if you can't learn to admit when you're wrong
or to say sorry,
- that's gonna cause - Like really say sorry.
some serious frustration.
Yeah. - Yeah, for sure.
- And be sincerely sorry, that causes problems.
So look forward to that your first year,
but that's a good thing,
cause humility is one of the attributes of Christ.
And that's one of those things where marriage
is kind of part of the refining process
to help you each become more like Christ.
- I don't think you can truly become
like Heavenly Father without marriage.
I just don't think there's any process;
Like just how in the mission you grow so much
because it puts you through so much
that's good and hard; I think marriage,
that's why it's so important.
Is because it forces you to go out of your comfort zone
so that you can become who Heavenly Father wants you to be.
And that's not to say if you're single
you can't become Christlike,
that's not what we're trying to say.
- And there's opportunities in every relationship to grow.
I think in the end, it's not necessarily marriage,
but the idea of commitment with a person.
I think that's why it's easy single,
it's easy to escape growing opportunities
because you're like "Ah, well, they don't really matter,
"and I can just not talk about this."
I did that with roommates all of my life.
Oh they did something I didn't care,
but I'm gonna leave in a year, so, no big deal.
- Totally, yeah, it's so different
than a roommate situation.
- Right, and so any relationship
that you know is gonna last,
be around for a long time, those are worth holding onto
and worth working for,
and those help you become who you need to be.
I think one thing that's been cool that I've seen is
that Taylor has her dreams, and I have my dreams,
and how we've`supported each other,
and I think that that has been the coolest thing
that Taylor's told me is that she's been wanting
to get a PHD and be a professor for so long,
but she just didn't feel like that was okay.
That she had to be a mom, only have kids, stay at home,
and not really pursue something
that's been important to her.
And the fact that I'm like "Do it, that's awesome!"
I'll even stay home and take care of the kids.
Cause I just like editing videos,
and I have the job that I like, I have my dream job.
I'm cool.
So I'm more than willing to put in the time to help her,
and that's what's been so interesting
is that she didn't realize that was possible.
And I think that's so important
in the first year of marriage, or even when you're dating,
is to find out what the person's dreams are, and help them,
because, now she's applying for this internship,
we're going to go to England, we're gonna do all this stuff,
and she's progressing so much,
and I just get to sit and watch.
And, I'm gonna cry.
(choking up) It's so cool because she's my wife,
and she's so happy, and she's progressing!
She's becoming this amazing person
and I just get to sit there and be a part of it.
- Oh my gosh, I'm gonna start crying!
- I know!
And that's why I think marriage is so beautiful,
because, you have no idea what love is,
you really don't, until you are married
and are with a person and give your heart to them,
and they give you theirs.
- And I'd be willing to bet
that if we brought someone in here who has been married
for 50 years, they would tell us
"You guys have no idea what love is."
- Exactly - Totally
- And then Heavenly Father comes in and he's like,
"You have no idea!"
(laughter)
Yeah.
- Oh my gosh that was beautiful.
- Yeah.
- Every time you start crying I always start crying.
- Every time you start crying I'm always like:
- I never cry.
- You never cry.
- I know, David have you ever cried?
- Where do the tears go, do you even have tear ducts?
- Hey, we need to have pictures of our spouses
pop up to grace.
You're welcome, YouTube audience;
here are our wonderful spouses.
(laughing)
- Spices,
- Spices - Spousen.
- Oh, and we have to plug the other episode that we did!
Your husband and you, and my wife and me,
- Oh yeah!
we did that episode about marriage advice.
- So please, if you have any questions about marriage,
don't ask us, honestly, because,
- Don't ask Justin!
- We've been married only a month,
I don't really know anything.
- We can talk authoritatively about the first year or two,
- Fair enough, fair enough.
First month, you got me. - But beyond that...
- It's so funny, now in my new ward it's all
Eric and I who just moved in with like 10 other couples
who all got married this summer,
and so they all look at us we're like the veterans.
It's so weird.
It's almost been two years.
- That's crazy. - It's so funny.
If you have any questions, comments, please subscribe,
like the video, and please share it if you have friends
that are married or wanna be married or something.
- "Are getting married soon" would be a good audience.
- I didn't know, where to go with that, I just trailed off.