PATRICK LAWSON: Depression really kicks you in the guts, you know, it makes you feel so alone.
"I need help" was three of the hardest words I have ever said.
PATRICK LAWSON: There is definitely four days in my life that I will never forget. You know,
both of my kids being born are two days, the day I got married one of them and then
the day of my suicide attempt is definitely up there.
COMM: At 30 years old, Patrick attempted to take his own life after years of suffering from depression.
PATRICK LAWSON: One of the things that I sort of look back at now is how much of my life
I was wearing a mask. There was no medical support or medication when I was growing up.
I never brought anything up because there was nothing to bring up. It is that feeling of
being a burden on my parents.
VICKI LAWSON: No, I never considered a 10-year-old or 15-year-old to have a mental issue because…
what do they have to be, what do they have to be depressed about?
JOHN LAWSON: But then what signs are you looking for? We were ignorant, we were ignorant.
VICKI LAWSON: Yeah, we wouldn’t have thought Patrick had depression. He was always the
life of the party. You know, if you are at a wedding, he is the one out in the middle
of the dance floor dancing. You know, it was always, ‘Look at me, Look at me.’
CATHERINE LAWSON: You know, just when he told us, we were just dumbfounded.
CARA LAWSON: When we started dating, Pat was very happy-go-lucky. Pat has never been someone
who has shown any symptoms of being unhappy.
COMM: Patrick started dating Cara when he was 21. They got married and had two children
together. All the while, Patrick never let on how he was feeling to his friends and family.
PATRICK LAWSON: Male depression is very much taboo. I had thought about taking my life
previously, was one of them things that I just thought was a natural human emotion.
I had this constant fighting with my head saying that I wasn’t good enough; the wife and
the kids would be better off without me. That I also you know, it was a suicidal thought,
it wasn’t a suicidal plan. So you know, I never plan on going through with these thoughts
until that one day back in February 2015.
PATRICK LAWSON: And that’s when I made that decision that it is time to go. It is time
to rid the world of this burden that is me. The day of my attempt was a sort of a moment
of clarity for me, in a way. You know, I had been given two days off work because
I was “sick”. I said my goodbyes to my wife and kids. I look back on it now, I would
kiss them that one extra time you know, I’ll give them that cuddle for that little bit
longer. Think that you know, deep down I knew that was my final goodbye to my wife and my
kids. I attempted to hang myself. I sort of look back at it, I get this spine-tingling
moment when everytime I talk about it. I was standing on a stepladder, I have got a rope
around my neck. I am ready to take the next step forward. I couldn't do it.
PATRICK LAWSON: It was sort of like I got this beautiful light in my eyes and I just
had this moment like, it was one of the most beautiful moments and you know, everything
just sort of kicked in and I sort of looked up and went, “What the fuck I am doing?”
I cried so much. You know, I just didn’t stop and it was ugly cry you know, there was
snot and tears and the ugly pulled faces. But I am so grateful for having that ugly
cry because if I hadn’t have had that amount of tears, Cara wouldn’t have known that
there was something wrong. Cara wouldn’t have asked me if I was okay.
CARA LAWSON: I was pretty angry the day that, well the moment Patrick told me what he had
tried to do and that what was going through his mind. Instant reaction, which might be
right or wrong. I am sorry.
CARA LAWSON: Was it anger? Because I couldn’t believe that he was thinking about not being there for us.
CARA LAWSON: And.. well, I couldn’t help but be angry at him for not wanting to be
around us. So it was a real shock. More than anything I was shocked when he told me what
was going through his mind and what he tried to do that day when we went home.
PATRICK LAWSON: One of the hardest things I have ever done is tell my wife that I tried
to take my own life. It was hard. It was really hard.
CARA LAWSON: I know I don’t have to worry anymore.
CARA LAWSON: The day that Pat spoke to me about everything was basically the first moment
that I knew anything was wrong. It’s still hard to talk about it. Even though it’s
been a while, it’s still hard to try and think about everything that happened and remember
it all without getting upset. Also I don’t know what I would do without you here.
PATRICK LAWSON: My kids, for a long time I didn’t tell them what was going on and then
I thought, ‘You know what? They got to learn.’ And I told them. I didn’t go into detail
about what had happened to lead up to it but you know, I told them that, ‘Daddy has a mental illness.’
CHARLOTTE LAWSON: When Dad is not well, we try and take care of him. And we, and we want
to get him, and we want to make him better.
THOMAS LAWSON: If he doesn’t feel very good, we give him a drink of milk.
CHARLOTTE LAWSON: Or water.
PATRICK LAWSON: It wasn’t until I had an anxiety attack, which led me to be taken to
hospital that I finally decided to open up and tell people.
PATRICK LAWSON: The feeling I got from opening up and talking was mind-blowing.
COMM: It was then that Patrick decided to start an online network to support men that
are struggling with their own mental health.
PATRICK LAWSON: I am the founder of 3Words, Mental Health Awareness. It’s an online
help basically for people that battle mental illness. They can come and they can have a
chat and do their thing.
PATRICK LAWSON: ‘I need help’ was three of the hardest words I have ever said.
That fear of you know, being put in that radar or the wuss and stuff like that.
CARA LAWSON: And I guess what I probably don't say to you enough is how proud I am of what
you have accomplished out of all this.
PATRICK LAWSON: Thank you!
CARA LAWSON: And how positive it is that we have all learnt so much out of a really negative experience.
CARA LAWSON: You have got my 100% support in everything that you do. And I love you very much.
PATRICK LAWSON: I love you too.
PATRICK LAWSON: Speaking up, may or may not help that person. But I know it has definitely
helped me and I hope it can help anybody out there that is in need of help.
PATRICK LAWSON: Ready! 3,2,1.
PATRICK LAWSON: Perception of being a man really needs to be changed. It’s you know,
we get told to man-up. We get told to toughen-up. Don’t man-up. Don’t toughen-up.
If you want to be tough, express your emotions.