- Coachella!
Dude, Radiohead live, so menta
I've always wanted to see them.
I might start crying.
I think I was like an elf robot in a past life.
- You know who I wanna see?
R-R-Rick Ross.
- Oh yeah, that's what's up, dude.
- We gotta pop some bottles during that set.
- I mean, champagne?
Rick, you can't afford to pop corn.
- Oh sweet, Negative Nancy's driving us to the concert.
Didn't know she was coming.
- I'm not being negative,
I'm being realistic, you know what I mean?
Your buddy that hooked up the passes,
I had to pay double,
it's a fucking hook down on it.
(blows raspberry)
- Free stuff is whack.
Paying for shit is cool.
- No one's ever said that before, so congrats.
- Whatever, I say we get this party started right now.
- Put that down, dude, let's wait 'til we get to the show.
- Oh great, now Donny Dorko's here, awesome.
- I'm not being a dork!
The first time I take mushrooms
I don't wanna be behind the wheel of a car.
You shouldn't want that, what the fuck?
That's insane.
- I just want you to relax, buddy.
You've been grinding so hard and getting stressed out.
This is supposed to be a fun getaway, but you know what?
Fine, let's just get hydrated.
- It'll be fun, yeah, I'm down to get hydrated, not high.
- I've got you, buddy.
- Behind the wheel of a car?
I mean, remember the first time you got high?
It's like, it's scary, like, I don't know what to expect,
I've never done mushrooms, it's scary.
- Oh well, now I'm not a little bitch, here.
To your first music festival.
- Yeah, cheers, dog.
Gah!
Dude, what flavor is this?
- Mushroom.
- Mushroom, like mushroom mushroom, mushroom?
- Got you, elf idiot.
- What the fuck?
♪ Stereo 54
♪ Bright lights
♪ Big city
♪ Stereo 54
♪ Bright lights
♪ Big city looking pretty
(girls cheer)
- Coachella, motherfuckers.
- Hey, he just took mushrooms
for the first time and shit himself.
- First time?
- Yeah.
- You're fucked bro, you are fucked.
Wipe that poop outta your pussy, fellas.
Fuck you guys.
- Why did you tell him that I shit myself?
- It's funny.
- It's funny to you but I have
a poison root that made me defecate.
- Don't worry, you're gonna be feeling extra crispy
in a few minutes.
- Dude, I gotta shower, I smell bad.
- Yeah, you do. - Bad bad, man.
- Well, I still can't seem to find the names
that you gave me, Handlebar Jesuspants III,
nor can I locate Bismark Racecar Faceshit.
I did, however, find Scalzo.
Gary, is that you?
- That's my name!
Ha, ha, that's my name!
Gary, Scalzo.
Okay, says here you're with us for the weekend?
- Yeah.
- Guessing that you gentlemen
are headed to the festival?
- That is correct.
Question, will it be snowing the entire weekend?
I forgot my giraffe.
- Are you on drugs?
- Nah.
- You just seem crazy and smell like shit.
- Yeah.
- Well, good, because you do know that
drugs are bad for you.
(creepy music)
(laughs uncomfortably)
- Yeah, man.
- Well, okay guys.
Go fuck each other.
(hisses)
- Fuck you.
(quirky music)
That guy was weird, right?
It's not just me.
That guy was weird.
Right, am I wrong on that?
Rick, this is really intense, more than I thought.
You're good, just clean yourself up, buddy.
- Okay, here's the key.
- Just ride it out, brother.
(quirky music)
- Yo, Gary, let's go!
We're gonna miss Rick Ross.
You haven't even turned the shower on?
(electronic music)
Yo!
(electronic music)
Oh, what the fuck?
- Hey, man, when we were driving, somebody shit my pants.
- Jesus, dude, you are on another level.
Fuck, I wish my tolerance was that low again.
Jealous.
Okay, maybe you shouldn't be in public.
You just went super fucking haywire for a second.
- I should be a movie star!
- Oh, Jesus, just lay down, okay?
I'll get some food and water.
All right, stay put, I'll be right back.
- I need the fuck out of here, man!
(scary music)
What the fuck happened to my feet?
- Now, you're like me!
(laughs)
- Give me back my feet, now!
Fuck!
(laughs)
Yeah? Say that shit to my face, motherfucker!
(laughs)
Yeah, fuck you!
- Why'd you hurt me, Gary?
I'm your father!
- Go back under your bridge!
- Fuck you, Gary.
- Dude!
What the fuck are you doing?
- I suppose you're going to
take the goblin's side on this, huh?
Real coo-coo!
- Gary, there is no goblin.
- Yeah, there is, bitch!
(laughs)
(birds chirp)
- Yo!
Yo, let's hit the road, dude, we gotta see Radiohead.
- Oh, morning, sunshine.
Spoiler alert, we missed it.
I spent the whole weekend
making sure you didn't cannonball into traffic.
- Wait, what?
What day is it?
Monday.
My bad, I never should have let you have any of this tea.
From now on, no hard drugs for you.
Just stick to coke, molly and weed.
Let's go back home, I'm driving.
(quirky music)