My God, you're Mr. Burt Reynolds.
I hope so, otherwise I got the wrong underwear on.
- These the roommates you told me about? - Yeah!
Which one's the slut?
- I am! - I am!
I had this crazy idea that I had a special connection
to a very special person.
And that's why on all your programs it says that the guest celebrity
- for tonight's show is... - Presto!
Bob Hope!
[cheering]
Hey, I know this show is for charity,
but that's the smallest dressing room I've ever had in my life.
Oh my God, you're really Mr. Bob Hope.
Oh, being this close to you is the biggest thrill of my life.
If you were any closer, they're wouldn't be room for my car keys.
And now, the host of Jeopardy Alex Trebeck!
Thank you, thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
Hi everyone and welcome to another
special programs coming to you from Florida.
You have just met our three contestants, they are all very eager to get underway.
The categories are Cows, Babes,
Chickens, More Babes,
Chicken Babes, and finally, Baby Chickens.
Rose, you're the returning champion and that means
you make the first selection. Off you go.
Well Alex, as you know, I was raised in a rural community.
Uh, I'm proud to take Cows for 300.
This is my associate, Bobby Hopkins.
Detective Mullens, I'm Blanche Deveraux and these are my roommates,
Dorothy and Rose. They're innocent, I'm not.
No Bobby, you don't have to write that last part, that was just a come-on.
Look, sorry to take up your time with this, ladies,
but I'd like to ask you a few questions.
Well, of course. I'm single, I'm free on Saturday night.
And I can arch my back until my head touches my ears.
If you don't mind, I'd like to write that one down.
Hi everybody, what's going on?
Oh Mario, you spoiled our surprise!
Sorry, I'll come in again, totally unsuspecting.
Here I come, expecting nothing.
- Surprise! - Oh, this is great!
What a surprise!
At two in the morning, waiting for George to come home,
I called a radio talk show.
I gave them the solution to the crisis in the Middle East.
Giving the Palestinians Greenland?
You heard it?
I didn't know that was you! You were great!
Giving the Palestinians Greenland?
It's a big place, nobody uses it.
Why don't I fix us some drinks, huh?
Actually, I don't drink.
Oh, then I know what'll loosen us up. We can play a game with my naughty cards
from Denmark.
Aces are high and I'm wild.
Oh, well I really don't gamble either, Blanche.
Oh believe me, it's no gamble.
But you know what I do like? I like music.
Music? Well wonderful, we can dance!
Oh yeah, we can do one of those hot sweaty South American dances
they do in the street, 'cause they don't have television sets.
Well, you got me again, Blanche. I don't dance.
You don't drink, you don't gamble, you don't dance?
My God, what are you, a priest?
Yes.
[door knocking]
- Julio? - Hello, Sophia.
- Why didn't you use the front door? - Well, I didn't want to be seen.
Well, what's the point of going out with Julio Iglesias
if no one's gonna see us?
[cheering]
Once we hit Poofy's Deli,
I would appreciate it if you could serenade me with Begin The Beguine.
- We sing together. - Oh, come on.
Let's try it together.
♪ When they begin the beguine ♪
Blanche?
I sure could use a hug!
Okie-dokie.
Hi-ho, everybody. It's me, Sunny.
- Is Dorothy around? - She's out on the lanai.
I'm sure you're wondering why a man like Sunny Bono--
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, on the lanai.
My husband who abandoned me nine years ago,
and shows up now just to tell me he couldn't stand being married to me.
- Blanche... - Excuse me.
I've had some experience in marital discord myself.
Sunny Bono, get off my lanai.