There aren't many things I take more seriously than the Ninja Turtles.
Maybe jet skis.
Point is, I'm a Master Splinter guy; I believe...in the Turtles; take your katanas, say your nunchucks...
Wrestling.
I also take wrestling seriously.
That's why...I want to smash this game with a steel chair.
So it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2.
Not to be confused with the NES game, that one's spectacular.
This one's Battle Nexus.
Anyway, it's a tie-in for the Turtles animated series, the one that debuted on Fox in 2003.
In fact, the game's plot is taken directly from the show.
It's basically an interactive version of a storyline from the second season.
Not only that, the cutscenes are actual clips from the cartoon.
So, at the very least, the presentation's kind of awesome.
And that's, like, the only thing that's awesome.
Anyway, about that 2 in the title...in case you missed it, Konami actually did a couple
games based on that Turtles series, this being the second one.
And you know, I remember buying the first one and being, just...dangerously excited.
Like, emotions were just exploding out of me, that day.
I mean, not only were the Turtles back, but now there was a new game.
And from Konami!
The same people who gave us The Arcade Game, and The Manhattan Project, and Turtles In
Time...it's, like, things were finally back to the way they should be.
Only they weren't.
The new show wasn't that great, and the new game totally sucked.
And unfortunately, this one's no better.
In fact, it might be even worse.
Battle Nexus is another generic, lifeless 3D beat 'em up, same as the first game...only
this time, Konami threw in some platforming elements.
Because when you have a game that plays and controls this poorly, the best thing to do
is add platforming elements.
You control all four Turtles as you button mash, struggle to platform and watch as your
childhood gets dipped in mutagen.
What gets pulled out is Battle Nexus.
A hideous, mutated excuse for a Turtles game.
So, uh...to at least start with what the game gets right, the fact that you can play as
all four Turtles is a plus.
You can just switch between them on the fly, which is great.
And again, the story, and the cutscenes from the show...it does an awesome job of tying
the game to the series.
Also, there's also four-player coop, which was missing from the first game.
Plus, you can unlock a full version of the original Turtles arcade game, and it supports
four players.
It's an unlockable bonus...that's immeasurably better than the actual game it's in.
So where do the Turtles go wrong?
Well, the main thing is just the gameplay itself.
It's never even remotely fun to play Battle Nexus.
Everything's just way too slow.
From the combat, to the movement, to even the pacing...I mean, these are short levels,
but they seem to take forever to get through.
And the level design doesn't help.
I mean, it's another one of these games where everything's, just...empty.
There's so much empty, open space to walk through.
And that doesn't exactly make things seem faster, or more exciting.
And you know, as dull and repetitive as the combat is...same story with the graphics.
I mean, the Turtles look good.
They have this cel-shaded style that works really well, given their comic book origins.
But the music sucks, the characters repeat the same lines over and over...and everything
else, just...all, looks, the same.
Every level, from the sewers to the streets to the alien worlds...all, look, the same.
The colors are drab, the level design is always just, "Hey!
Let's make a big empty room, and fill it with bad guys."
I mean, it's boring to play because what you're doing and where you're doing it...never really
change that much.
It just seems like very little thought went into this game at all.
Like, there was stuff added for no other reason than to add it, whether it works or not.
So the Turtles have different abilities, but it's as shallow as, "Oh, Raph can push stuff."
So you switch for a second, and then just go back to Mikey.
Since, for some reason, he's completely overpowered.
So not only is the design generic, but I mean, it's also...kind of terrible.
Look, I'm a Turtles mega-fan.
No one wanted to love these games more than me.
But I'm also honest with myself.
Like, the original movie?
Was the only good movie.
And it was really, really good.
And the Fox series?
I mean, it was okay...nothing compared to the Nickelodeon series, which is almost flawless.
Actually, the Fox series did have better action figures.
L\ook at these action figures.
It got better toys than video games.
It's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Battle Nexus.