'Colonel report your present situation in detail.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
‘I expected that you would call me’
Originally intended as a TV pilot then bulked up to feature length,
1953’s Project Moon Base was written by sci-fi novelist Robert Heinlein, who hated the result.
‘Very interesting indeed’
In distant 1970 the United States has put a space station in orbit.
But it is a target for foreign agents.
‘That we must not fail in destroying this perpetually menacing eye in the sky.’
Who leave no stone unturned in plotting its destruction.
‘I have 300 operatives who are typed to resemble all leading scientists in the field.’
That ought to cover the bases,
and the opportunity to use one of these lookalikes arises when a Dr Werner is to be sent on a round the moon mission.
‘Do I look like him?’
Damn well better.
We now meet the mission pilot.
‘Colonel Briteis reporting as ordered, Sir.’
In 1953, a woman doing that job is a big deal.
‘Bright Eyes is a good pilot.’
You’re probably not aware of it but it sounds like you’re saying Bright Eyes rather than Briteis.
‘Listen to me Bright eyes’
‘Briteis, if you please’
‘Shut up and listen to me’
Ah, you are aware of it, just being condescending.
There is a basic dichotomy in that the film is progressive in having a woman, a Colonel no less,
pilot the rocket, while simultaneously implying that she didn’t deserve her promotion,
‘If he’d weighed 90 pounds instead of 180 he’d be a colonel and public hero and you'd still be a captain.’
and it’s all politics.
‘I’m so glad a girl is going to do it’
Also, maybe I’m being oversensitive,
but I did notice a slight difference between how the Colonel deals with good old Major Bill Moore.
‘They can’t do this Sir’
‘Sit down Bill and take it easy.’
Versus little old Colonel Briteis.
‘Any more guff out of you and I’ll turn you over my knee and spank you.’
Just can’t picture him saying that to Moore.
‘And I’m not in the least bit apologetic for my attitude’
You really should be.
Moore has a history with Briteis.
‘Capt Briteis was a nice kid but Colonel Briteis is a little hard to swallow’
She was attractive until she outranked me.
‘Ever since then you’ve been too big for your britches.’
But now they’ve been put on this mission together,
and there is at least equality in the ridiculousness of their uniforms.
'Bill, what can we do.'
'First let's find out where we are.'
Still unaware of the imposter aboard,
they dock at the space station.
'Hope you enjoyed the trip Colonel'
'Happy landings Bill.'
'Thank you, captain.'
Seems pointless, but it does enable them to make the best use of limited office space.
'Please be seated.'
'Nice to see you again Major.'
Setting off to the moon the fake Dr Werner makes his first error.
‘You haven’t set the automatic trip yet.’
‘How stupid of me.’
If you have 300 doubles to train in detailed scientific theory then something will fall through the briefing notes.
‘I thought you used to teach in Brooklyn’
Although where they lived really shouldn’t.
‘He’s supposed to be from Brookyn and he hasn’t even hear of the Dodgers’
The sort of thing only a man would notice.
A fight erupts and the ship is knocked into high speed, sending the fight into slow motion.
They’re off course, so...
‘We’ve got to land, it’s all we can do.’
And so a woman lands the first spaceship on the moon.
‘Bill, I muffed it’
Women drivers.
‘Sorry to have gone female on you Major.’
Now they’re stranded on the moon, just the two of them,
with only their skills and their training standing between them and death.
‘I think you’d better powder your nose.’
You probably think I’m overstating this but the fact is,
the sabotage plotline has taken a backseat to this point
and now gets out of the car altogether as the imposter helps Bill establish a radio link.
‘I’m with you. I wouldn’t have done this if I hadn’t been forced into it.’
and conveniently dies.
Taking the plotline with him.
Moore and Briteis radio for help.
‘I’ve been trying for 5 hours and nothing’s happening.’
Oh no.
‘Screen monitor switch isn’t on’
‘Should it be.’
'Yes.'
I was doing my nails during that part of the training.
They make contact with earth.
‘Now you two are on the moon, stay there’
Thanks, we were planning a day trip to Brighton.
The General then orders Briteis out so he can talk to Moore man to man.
‘You’re going to be shut up I that tin can with a pretty young woman for weeks, even months.
Public opinion being what it is, it would be a lot better for everyone if you two were married.’
Obviously you’re gonna do her so let’s try to keep it Christian.
‘I can’t give you an order on this but think it over’
Then tell her what you’ve decided.
Briteis agrees to marriage but on one condition.
‘You are today promoted to Brigadier General, United States Police Force’
She insists that Moore is promoted above her.
‘Could you explain that a little more?’
Now of course, this is of its time and some of it probably did look pretty progressive, check out the President.
‘The president of the United States wants to speak to you’
'Major Moore, can you hear me?'
But it’s a stark reminder about how things in the 50s looked for women that this looked like a bright future.
‘You’re not a superwoman, you’re a spoilt brat.’
She’s a Colonel.
But, like I said; of its time, this is what you get from 50s sci-fi and it’s better than many.
What can’t be blamed on the era is the plot.
‘You must destroy the space station.’
Having established these stakes, we’re then asked to forget about them.
At the end there are still 299 doubles out there and the FBI has no leads cos the fake Dr Werner is dead.
‘May I strap you in, Colonel?’
If you want to make a movie about sexual politics – which is what this is –
then yes you want a framing story through which you can make your point,
but dammit you’ve still got to tell that story!
'Now remember your job is to destroy that space station.'
Thanks for watching. To see more sci-fi movie reviews click here.
As I said this was scripted by Robert Heinlein, who are your favourite authors turned screenwriters.
Let us know in the comments below.
'You like your wedding present?'
'And I didn't get you anything.'