♪ I learned too much about you ♪
♪ Too soon because I couldn't w♪
♪ Yes, I internet stalked you ♪
♪ To the point that we can no longer date ♪
♪ 'Cause I know your mother's name and your father's name ♪
♪ And your sister's name and your cousin's husband's name ♪
♪ I know that your uncle recently passed away ♪
♪ And I'm so sorry about that, ♪
♪ I know every girl that you've ever dated ♪
♪ And the exact day you stopped being happy ♪
- Your posture changed.
♪ I know that you and your friends hike a lot ♪
It's too much, we'll change tha.
♪ I've seen every photo tagged of you on the entire internet ♪
♪ I know your major in college, your Spanish is polished ♪
♪ And you own approximately fiv♪
♪ The police are outside my doo♪
♪ And I'm clutching your hair doll I made on the floor ♪
♪ If they ever tell people how often people look ♪
♪ At their profiles, I will kil♪
(audience laughing)
♪ So goodbye, lover I stalked ♪
(audience applauding)
(piano playing)
♪ The US Mint is not innocent ♪
♪ Much like every other institution in this county ♪
♪ John Sinnock, sneak, lie ♪
♪ He's credited for this portrait on the dime ♪
♪ It's a bust of FDR from the s♪
♪ And it looks exactly like Dr. Selma Burke's design ♪
♪ Did they credit her, no ♪
♪ Did they pay her, no ♪
♪ John Sinnock, the head engraver of the US Mint ♪
♪ After stealing a Black woman'♪
♪ Called it a creative coincide♪
(woman hissing)
♪ They didn't pay her one dime ♪
♪ The dime that she designed ♪
♪ And then the rest of her life♪
♪ I assume she refused to use a♪
♪ Or if she did she'd have to think to herself ♪
♪ Every single time, like I designed that ♪
♪ I designed the dime ♪
♪ Small coffee please, I designed the dime ♪
♪ Did they commission her, no ♪
♪ Do they acknowledge it now ♪
No, but.
♪ Dr. Selma Burke designed the ♪
♪ John Sinnock's estate, Venmo hers tonight ♪
♪ 'Cause Dr. Selma Burke designed the dime ♪
I've been getting stressed, you know, like watching the news
and stuff.
I'm against global warming,
you know, just something about .
And I wrote this little ditty for myself to calm myself down
when I'm getting too anxious.
It goes.
♪ 'Cause everyone hates our gen♪
♪ And we're all going to die ♪
No, I don't hold a lot of beliefs, just sort of in genera.
But, I do believe this.
♪ Everyone should be my exact s♪
♪ No older, no younger ♪
♪ Everyone is perfect in their ♪
♪ But younger people are bad ♪
♪ Yes, even slightly younger people are bad ♪
♪ Everyone should be my exact s♪
♪ No smarter, no dumber ♪
♪ Everyone should be born on the same day ♪
♪ And they should have the same♪
♪ They should all be named Marc♪
♪ And they should look exactly ♪
♪ Everyone should be me, yeah ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ When people don't understand my references ♪
♪ I freak out, I lose control ♪
♪ When you told me you were 22 ♪
♪ I remembered that time forget♪
♪ Woo ♪
♪ Everyone should be my exact s♪
♪ And no more successful ♪
♪ Your success actually does me less for me ♪
♪ And that's just respectful ♪
♪ Everyone just relax ♪
♪ And give your success to me ♪
♪ Everyone just be me ♪
♪ You make me remember that I'm gonna die ♪
♪ And that people will move on faster than I would like ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Come on ♪
♪ All right, everyone ♪
♪ Everyone should be my exact s♪
♪ Look under your chairs ♪
♪ There's a pill that I want yo♪
♪ Everyone should be my exact s♪
♪ Everyone should be ♪
Sorry.
(audience laughing)
My age, yeah.
(audience applauding)
You know.
I'm just like, I'm always so scd
I'm not gonna hit that last note but I always do.
I always do.
(acoustic guitar playing)
I'm still learning guitar,
so if any men wanna give me tips in the comments
that'd be really helpful.
♪ 1967 Boston Marathon ♪
♪ 19-year-old Kathrine Switzer started to run ♪
♪ But one official said no ♪
♪ Her uterus could fall out, it'll turn into a whole thing ♪
♪ Besides, I bet she doesn't ev♪
♪ How to have diarrhea down the side of her shorts properly ♪
♪ That official's name was Jock♪
♪ That's right, his first name was just Jock ♪
♪ Kathrine's boyfriend tackled ♪
♪ Then immediately got scared ♪
♪ It would ruin his Olympic cha♪
♪ And breaks up with Kathrine m♪
♪ But she keeps her pace ♪
♪ They said, let's all chase her until she stops running ♪
♪ If we yell violently, as a woman, I'm sure ♪
♪ Her instinct will be to slow ♪
♪ So, let's all chase her, hold on, she's running faster now ♪
♪ All she wanted was to run 30 ♪
♪ And possibly shit her pants in the streets of Boston ♪
♪ And that's every American's right, man, woman, or child ♪
♪ Kathrine, she finished the ra♪
♪ And now female athletes are all treated great ♪
♪ Shout out to the NCAA ♪
♪ Run, Kathrine, run ♪
♪ A woman should be able to shit herself in Boston ♪
♪ Without about worrying about ♪
This last song is the story about the first American woman
to ever go to space, Sally Ride.
♪ Remember when NASA sent a womn to space for only six days ♪
♪ And they gave her 100 tampons, 100 tampons ♪
(audience laughing)
♪ And they asked, "Will that be♪
♪ 'Cause they didn't know if that was enough ♪
♪ These are our nation's greate♪
♪ They are literally rocket sci♪
♪ They also tied the tampons to♪
♪ By the strings like sausages ♪
♪ 100 tampons ♪
♪ I can picture it now, come wi♪
♪ I'm Sally Ride and I'm going to space for the first time ♪
♪ I'm walking tall, I feel so p♪
♪ Then I see a man running panicked through the crowd ♪
♪ He's holding a large bag ♪
♪ I think, what can this be ♪
♪ And then he hands 100 tampons♪
♪ For one week ♪
♪ They could've asked me ♪
♪ I would've say maybe 33 ♪
♪ 'Cause even if it were my per♪
♪ I probably already brought some with me ♪
But, you know,
thanks I guess.
♪ 100 tampons, how does she use♪
♪ When they tie the strings tog♪
♪ 100 tampons, don't hate me ♪
♪ 525,600 tampons, everybody ♪
♪ 525,000 tampons ♪
♪ In space ♪
NASA, please don't kill.
They're paying me to do this.
I like you.
♪ The same men who wanted to give Sally Ride 100 tampons ♪
♪ Also designed a makeup kit fo♪
♪ Makeup in space ♪
♪ And you can imagine them sitting around like ♪
♪ What's that thing with the brushy thing ♪
♪ And it comes in like the tube♪
♪ In their little goggles and l♪
♪ Tube-y thing in space ♪
♪ How do we get it in space ♪
Contact every woman you know.
Let's get to work.
♪ Eventually, they go to Sally ♪
♪ Hey baby, we've got a present for you, catch ♪
♪ Sally, why are you giving me that look of pity ♪
♪ And confusion ♪
♪ She says, isn't the storage space limited ♪
♪ I was told I can't even have moisturizer ♪
♪ Guys, I appreciate the though♪
♪ But I don't even wear makeup ♪
So.
Okay, so you don't want it?
Okay. No, that's fine.
You don't have to take it.
We did work really hard on it, .
No? Okay.
I'll just take it back.
♪ And the makeup, it never went♪
(upbeat music)