Amanda is living at my dad's house.
I think it's a very unhappy, toxic place.
I don't think it's a toxic environment at all.
Her father's house is one step below a homeless encampment
it looks that bad.
This room I don't think is that bad.
I don't think the bathroom's bad.
How many years has his house looked like that now?
Since I left in 1999.
The house gets cluttered but I don't think
it's a disaster zone, as some people might have said.
My dad is very delusional
when it comes to my sister drinking.
Dave has just gotten so fed up with Amanda,
and has the attitude that if she's gonna drink,
she's gonna drink and there's nothing he can do to stop her.
If I found out that my dad was giving my sister alcohol
I would be absolutely livid.
There was a time to help her with her withdrawals
that I did give her some watered-down alcohol
thinking that was a strategy that might help her.
It didn't help her.
Another strategy was just to give her enough alcohol
so that she would not go into withdrawals.
However, I discovered that didn't work as well.
As long as Amanda stays in that house with him,
I don't think the cycle of drinking will end.
We've had discussions about her drinking,
and I've told her, why do you drink so much,
why don't you just drink a little bit to feel good?
It would be in my sister's best interest
to no longer live at my dad's house.
(dramatic musical flourish)
Steve, thank you for being here.
Thank you for having me.
Do you think you're part of the problem
or part of the solution?
I'm the one that found her in a seizure state,
called 911, no one else was there doing that.
I feel that I am definitely part of the solution.
Giving her alcohol is the solution?
Yes, I gave her watered down vodka.
Because her cardiologist said either drink or don't drink,
stop going through withdrawals
because it's going to kill you.
I think you're part of the problem.
I think you're also part of the solution.
Nobody's all one way or the other.
Here's what I know for sure.
I believe this to be true, you have the best intentions.
I'm a dad.
Yeah.
We have two boys.
They're close in age to your daughter.
These are my two boys
and if one of them was in this situation,
it's a lot easier for me to say do it than for you to do it
because you're close to your daughter.
Which is why it's good to talk to somebody that's objective.
We all hear the term enable,
do you ever really stop and think what that means?
Take a look, I've written it down.
It's to make something possible, practical,
or easy, for someone to do or be,
and often perpetuates the problem.
It's not that you're assisting, it's not like,
here, let me pour you a drink,
but it's that you make it possible, or practical, or easy.
It's also creating a safe environment
where if she left home, she's in other people's houses,
she's completely drunk,
they have opportunity to take advantage of her--
How's that working for you?
She's not dead, in that respect, it's--
Currently.
She's died twice under your care.
And you say that you've been delaying this for three years,
she's been drinking for seven. Delaying.
Let's back up
and talk about-- Don't interrupt me.
Don't sit here and make it sound like it's just been you
taking care of her this whole entire time.
Pretty much it's just been me.
You giving her alcohol and living in a pigsty?
That small amount of time That's safe.
out of the three years--
Living in that environment is safe.
This is so not a foot race about who did best,
or who did worse, or whatever.
You guys can work that out on your own.
I'm asking you if you can acknowledge
that what you're doing is not working.
Because if you're sure to defend what you're doing,
we're gonna have a very different conversation
than if you're here to change what you're doing.
I'm here to change what I'm doing.
If you show me a better way,
I'm willing to listen and do it.