KAT [IC]: [sighs]
We shall never forget the impact he had on all of our lives.
[KAT continues her prayer] WILL: Why do we have to keep doing this?
We never used to before.
BRITTANY [IC]: We never had a cleric before.
WILL: Yeah, but isn't Astra a priest too, or . . . ?
SHANE [IC]: A warrior priest, yes, but my goddess is not big on ceremony.
KAT [IC]: Your wisdom and compassion is infinite.
May you guide him to a deserving afterlife.
SHANE [IC]: Nordin prefers cremation. Swift cremation.
WILL: She would.
KAT [IC]: We know no sorrow, as death transforms the soul to new challenges in a new life.
Thus we commit our comrade to Janna Sol.
Would anyone like to say a few words?
WILL: Wait, which . . . which character died this time?
What was his name?
KAT [IC]: This was Melland.
WILL: Uh, and Melland was the . . . druid, right?
SHANE: No, that was Vanya. He died last week.
BRITTANY: And Nel'Zuul died two sessions ago.
WILL: Ah, yes. Nel'Zuul the Dumbass.
ARTHUR: They all gave their lives to the cause.
WILL: [snaps fingers] RIP in peace, jerks!
Theme: "Days Into Night" by Sweet Mother Logic
EVAN: [sigh] Three deaths in three sessions.
Either he's addicted to making new characters or he's developed a death wish.
MIA: Or you're being too hard on him.
EVAN: You know I don't play favourites, Mia.
Besides, he's doing it to himself. I don't want to kill a character in their first session.
MIA: Really? I would.
EVAN: You do what you want in your own LARP, Mia. You want to be cruel, go right ahead.
MIA: It's not about cruelty. It's about raising the stakes.
If you kill a character in their first session, no one ever feels completely safe.
C'mon. Evan, that's GMing 101.
EVAN: Check.
Except I'm not trying to kill him.
MIA: What? Is he committing suicide?
ARTHUR [IC]: Do it! Coward!
SHANE [IC]: The right potion grants passage. The wrong one leads to a grisly death.
KAT [IC]: So which one is which?
ARTHUR [IC]: There is only one way to find out.
KAT AND SHANE: No no no no no!
ARTHUR [IC]: [satisfied exhalation]
EVAN: You're dead.
ARTHUR [IC]: [death groan]
EVAN [IC]: For safe passage, Lotharmantis demands elven blood as sacrifice.
ARTHUR: No, no. Wait. I got it. I got it, guys.
ARTHUR [IC]: Au revoir.
[death groan]
[continued death groans]
BRITTANY: What.
WILL: Well, you know, I mean, take some blood for now and save some for later.
MIA: Daaaaamn. That sucks.
EVAN: Yeah. It does. Checkmate.
MIA: Well played, Evan.
Well, gotta meet my husband downtown.
Don't worry about Arthur, Boogie. You'll figure it out.
EVAN: Yeah. Yeah, I should just talk to him.
MIA: If it were my LARP, I would handle it through story instead of metagaming it.
EVAN: How would you do that?
MIA: Clearly Arthur doesn't care about the life of his character.
So if you can't change that, make every other player care about it.
Still, I don't get why you're complaining.
Killing PCs is one of a Game Master's joys.
EVAN: Nah. I just want to find the best stories.
MIA: Suit yourself. It'll be okay, dude.
Every LARP has its problem players.
EVAN: Oh, right. How IS Claudia?
MIA: She's an absolute terror.
I wish I could kill her character off but she's got every other player in that game
wrapped around her little finger.
EVAN: See you next week, Mia.
ARTHUR: There's no way you haven't played this game before.
WILL: I haven't.
[video game music and sound effects]
ARTHUR: [frustrated groan]
WILL: Owned.
You ARE on a losing streak.
ARTHUR: It's not a streak. It's two games, okay? That is, that is beginner's luck.
Twice.
WILL: Yeah, but, like, you've lost a bunch of characters, too.
Don't think we haven't noticed that shit.
ARTHUR: I just haven't found the right one yet.
Come on. Dude, what're you -- that's button mashing! You can't do this--
WILL: No, no! That's not button mashing. That's WINNING. That's what that is.
That's winning right there.
ARTHUR: Come on! [frustrated grunt]
WILL: Pwned.
ARTHUR: Seriously?
WILL: Mm-hmm.
ARTHUR: Who says that?
WILL: You know, winners.
So, like, not you.
ARTHUR: I win sometimes, y'know.
WILL: Not lately.
ARTHUR: Soon. [short laugh] I got a feeling things are gonna turn around.
Dude--
WILL: But not yet. They're not gonna turn around yet. For sure. That's for sure.
ARTHUR: Just let me -- how do you even get me from across the map?
How do you even do that? That's not actually a move!
WILL: That's how I roll.
WILL: Hyah! Hyah! [pained moan]
KAT [IC]: Cure!
Dammit!
SHANE [IC]: [grunts of exertion]
BRITTANY [IC]: Porrik! Enchant him with your music!
ARTHUR: Right. Um . . . [clears throat] Uh . . .
[hurdy-gurdy plays]
ARTHUR [IC, singing]: Dark Wizard, please--
EVAN [IC]: Sleep.
ARTHUR [IC, singing] Dark-- Dark Wizard, please don't take my friends,
Don't take my friends from me--
EVAN [IC]: Petrify.
ARTHUR [IC, singing]: Don't burn them or crush them or . . . I don't know . . .
BRITTANY [IC]: Porrik, we can't hold out much longer!
[cry of pain]
ARTHUR [IC, panicked singing]: Friends, friends . . . where are my friends?
EVAN [IC]: Release.
KAT [IC]: [groan of pain]
ARTHUR: [disgusted grunt] Enchant my ass!
ARTHUR [IC]: Stacatto Stab!
[cries of pain and fear]
EVAN [IC]: How dare you break into my home?!
ARTHUR [IC]: We were looking for the Eleventh Eye!
EVAN [IC]: Do you see it here?! I have no need for such trinkets! You've wasted your time!
ARTHUR [IC]: It wouldn't really be a waste of time to rid the world of you!
WILL: Hey, uh . . . whatever your name is now--
SHANE: Porrik.
WILL: Okay. Whatever. Shut up, or he'll kill you!
ARTHUR [IC]: I'd like to see him try!
[grunts]
EVAN [IC]: Kill you? I think not.
I should teach the lot of you about responsibility.
I grant you Tranarr's Brand of the Underworld.
When your heart ceases to beat, so shall your friends'.
ARTHUR: Wait, what?
KAT [IC]: Wait. So if he dies, we ALL die?
EVAN [IC]: Exactly. May you watch over this whelp better than your precious Eleventh Eye!
ARTHUR: You mean I'm stuck . . . as a bard?!
BRITTANY [IC]: Let us depart from here. See what we can do about this curse.
ARTHUR [IC]: First I'm gonna knife that wizard so hard!
A bard.
EVAN: You picked the character!
KAT: Sorry, guys! I blew it again.
BRITTANY: Hey! You didn't blow it!
KAT: I could really use some help, though. It's all so new.
BRITTANY: I know what'll help! C'mon!
KAT: You guys were right. This does help.
SHANE: Gotta love the drinks after a game.
BRITTANY: Definitely.
KAT: Sure, this part of LARPing is easy.
As for the rest, I just feel like I'm never going to quite get there.
BRITTANY: Why?
KAT: I didn't do any of this stuff growing up.
Haven't I missed way too much?
It's like I'm never going to have enough "geek cred" to fit in.
SHANE: There's no "geek quiz" or anything!
BRITTANY: Yeah! We're just glad you're playing.
And anyone who complains that you're new to a hobby doesn't deserve to hang out with you!
KAT: Thanks, guys.
BRITTANY: I'm gonna open another bottle.
SHANE: Excellent.
BRITTANY: Yeah.
And we're excited to have you with us, Kat. You have nothing to worry about.
SHANE: She's right, you know.
Arthur's happy to have a healer on the team
and Will's just glad that someone's laughing at his jokes again.
KAT: What about Evan?
SHANE: You really do worry too much.
KAT: Yeah.
They're great people, Shane.
When are you going to tell them about your articles?
SHANE: When the time's right.
KAT: It's only gonna get harder the longer you wait.
SHANE: I know! But, truth be told, I am having way too much fun.
BRITTANY: Let me know when you ladies want a refill.
KAT: Thank you.
ALL: Cheers!
[video game music and sound effects]
WILL: Oh! Can I get you some topical cream FOR THE BURN?
WILL: Yes! GG! GG NO RE! Okay, RE. RE, RE.
WILL: Yesss! Get WRECKED!
WILL: Got a noob here. Got a noob here! NOOB!
WILL: Oh! Oh! Ohhhhh! Pow pow pow pow POW! [blows smoke away from finger guns]
WILL: Magic fingers.
WILL [singing]: Olé, olé olé olé . . . olé-- [laughter, grunts of pain]
WILL [muffled]: Yeaaah! I'm like a ninja!
[spits out chips] I'm like a ninja.
ARTHUR: Are you even, like, conscious right now?
What is this?
WILL: Are you?
ARTHUR: That's a deep line of questioning, man. Like, that's intense.
Will?