- Hi, this is Seven Minutes in Heaven with Mike O'Brien,
I'm here today with comedian Jim Gaffigan.
- Hi, how are you, thanks for having me here.
- Thanks for coming, Jim.
- This is great to be here.
You've got the skin cancer.
- Yeah.
- So do I.
- Let's get it out of the way.
You do?
- Yeah, yeah.
I mean, well I do, like your dermatologist,
do you go twice a year, you should, right?
- Yeah, oh at least.
- Like I go there and my dermatologist is like,
"Thanks for the summer house."
(chuckling)
'Cause I got there so often, now I've--
- And your whole family?
- And I have these kids, and he's just like, "Yes!"
- You recently got cast in the show, The Jim Gaffigan Show.
- Yes, I did.
- I love it, my uncles back in the south side of Chicago,
a little bit more blue collar,
you know where I'm going with this,
they say, they're always like,
"Oh, they should bury the turn more in Act One."
- Yeah.
- "Um, but, good to see Gaffigan got his voice out
"in such a pure, you know, distilled way."
- Yeah.
- What do you, when like people off the street
are giving you that kind of--
- When they're like, you know, how about
just watching some Better Call Saul,
and just kind of mixing up the story structure a little bit.
- Yeah.
- I deal with that a lot.
Your mom was, she was like, she could predict things.
- Yeah, I was gonna bring her up.
- Yeah.
- In the sense that you are her,
let me say this right.
- Lover?
Is it lover?
(laughing)
- Yeah, you are her lover, that's--
- Lover.
- And so don't do that anymore, please.
- Yes, yes.
I mean I respect your dad, but.
- Do you?
- The heart wants what the heart wants.
- Okay.
(laughing)
- Is it actually true that you and your wife
and five kids, as recently as a year and a half ago
were in a two bedroom apartment?
- Yes, that's true.
We were in--
- That's really true?
- Yeah, that is true.
But it's not as if we weren't allowed to leave.
(laughing)
- What do you say when people say,
"Oh, Jim Gaffigan, he grabbed my butt so hard,
"he's a butt-grabber, he's the Bill Cosby of butt grabbing."
- I, I'd, I, I'm a fan of butts.
I mean, I usually--
- But you shouldn't be able to just do that.
- No, you shouldn't, you shouldn't.
- Well, change, man.
- I think relationships, it's so much chemistry, right?
- Yeah.
- So, like.
- But sometimes there's objectively a mouth shape
that doesn't match with yours.
- Right, right.
- Do you feel?
- 'Cause some of that's, you're kissing animals.
(laughing)
I mean, like.
- Right, 'cause some of the times their mouths go wide.
- Like a wolf. (laughs)
Like a wolf.
- And they're toothy.
Yeah, well, that is a problem.
- You know, like when you're trying to kiss a wolf,
that's not, or an alligator, that's not gonna work out.
- I've never had that observation
with a human woman, you're right, you're right, but.
(laughing)
But you're right, like alligators are like,
"Do I not like her, or is it the..."
- But I'm married, so I'm never gonna kiss
another woman again.
That's it.
(knocking)
- Come in. - [Jim] Who the hell is that?
- This is called, um,
unverifiable high school teacher impersonations.
- Yes, so there's um Mr. Bellwonder,
who retired.
"Gaffigan, huh, hmm, you're awake."
And then there's Mr. Walter who used to talk like this
who had like coffee breath.
- This is called new joke car wash.
- Okay.
- We've never done this.
So we're both gonna spin in place.
- All right.
- Like two car wash brush things.
- Yeah.
- [Both] Um.
- Is it weird that we chose cookies to be the thing
that Girl Scouts are gonna sell us?
- I mean, how do we even know they're made
from those little girls.
(giggling)
- Do you believe in like, a spectrum of sexuality,
like a guy can be married with five kids
and just fully just like french kiss on another guy,
and it's like, it doesn't mean he's not the one thing
or he's not the other.
- Uh...
No, not really, no.
- Well it has been super good having you, man.
- It's been, yeah, it's great.
We should probably get back out there, right?
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, anyway.
- Real quick though.
(laughing)
- The funny thing is--
- You did play football!
I could tell from that push.
- I know, right?
I was the defensive lineman.
- That was a good strong football push.
- Now this is almost funny 'cause it's so inappropriate.
- Uh-huh.
- But this was the teenage boys' approach.
- Right.
- It's amazing.
- To try to get someone in a closet
you needed this construct.
- Right.
- And everything, that, yeah.
It was just like...
(laughing)
- What exit have you got?
- Uh, Jim you can't get out.
You're not going anywhere.
(scat singing)
♫ Seven minutes in heaven
♫ Oh yeah ♫
- Hello, my name is Mike.
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