So many Democrats are struggling to get noticed,
right, but one candidate has no problem at all,
and that's former vice president
and professional tickle monster Joe Biden.
(laughter)
Yesterday, he kicked off his campaign
with a rally outside Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
WOMAN: Joe Biden at the first rally of his 2020 campaign,
surrounded by labor union supporters
in battleground Pennsylvania.
The major moral obligation of our time is to restore,
rebuild and respect the backbone of America, the middle class.
The stock market is roaring, but you don't feel it!
I make no apologies.
-I am a union man, period. -(cheers and applause)
"I am a union man."
That's a good campaign line and a terrible Marvel superhero.
-"How are we gonna stop Thanos?" -"I don't know,
but I got Marvel to give us free dental coverage."
(laughter)
And although Biden may be zeroing in
on one voting bloc in particular,
he's not forgetting the rest of the country.
Choose hope over fear,
unity over division...
We always do better when we act as one America.
Donald Trump is only president...
is the only president who's decided
not to represent the whole country.
-MAN: Yeah! -The president has his base.
We need a president who works for all Americans.
Yes. That's where America has gotten to.
Candidates now have to promise, if they get the job
they'll be the president of the whole country.
-(laughter) -It's crazy, because,
thanks to Trump, that's not a foregone conclusion anymore.
You realize that? 'Cause he got into the White House,
and he was like, "California, suck a fat dick.
"New York, same to you.
"All the people who voted for Hillary, suck my balls.
"Wisconsin, see you Friday. Florida, every Friday, baby.
-(whooping, laughter) -Yeah!"
So Biden's first speech
seemed like it was hitting all the right notes,
it was connecting with all the people,
but there was one thing that keen observers noticed.
The former vice president was a little out of practice
when it came to saying words.
I think we've got to rethink how we define
what constitutes a susse... a successful economy.
They see workers as just a means to an end.
Not the end in if themselv... uh, uh, in themselves.
The same is happening in big hosi... in big hospital systems.
For the... for the un-included commercial workers in Boston.
...medical research to confirg...
to conquer devastating diseases like cancer and...
The UAW took extredible... cuts in their... future.
The country wasn't built by Wall Street bankers,
CEOs and hudge... and hedge fund managers.
It was built by you.
The "hudge fund" managers?
Aw, man. Joe Biden.
It's one thing to mess up in the middle of a sentence;
it's another thing to stumble when you're trying
to rally the tramps-- I mean the troops!
-(laughter, groaning) -Like, it loses all energy.
Can you imagine if King Leonidas slipped up like that?
It would have changed 300 forever.
"This is Splenda...
"I mean Sparta!
"I meant Sparta. Guys, I totally said Sparta.
"I said... I sa... Why are you opening the gate?
"You can't surrender.
"What-what do we... what do we do now?
We're gonna train dragons? What are we doing now?"
That's why Trump has a huge advantage
over every other candidate.
Have you noticed when he makes a mistake,
he doesn't let it trip him up, he just creates a new reality
and he plows right through.
Yeah. 'Cause if he did that, he'd be like, "This country
"wasn't built by hedge fund managers
"and hudge fund managers, which is also a thing, hudge funds.
"People forget about hudge, but not me.
"I know all about hudge.
Vanessa Hudgens, Jabba the Hudge,
"Sonic the Hudgehog.
So much hudges."
And look, obviously, all politicians
misspeak sometimes, right?
But because Trump has started a narrative that Biden is old
and losing his wits, Biden can't afford any slip-ups.
Literally, every day...
on Twitter, Trump is calling Biden "Sleepy Joe."
That's his nickname for him.
Which is... weird, you have to admit.
No, I mean, it's-it's, like, a strange slam.
Sleeping is just a basic human function.
He's like, "Aw, look at him, he sleeps."
-What? -(laughter)
I will say this, though.
If Joe Biden goes up against Trump,
I can't wait to see those attack ads.
WOMAN: Joe Biden says he wants to be your president,
but is he too sleepy for the job?
I'm so sick and tired... sick and tired...
(fading): tired... tired... tired...
WOMAN: President Trump is never tired.
At 3:00 a.m., when Joe Biden and other babies
are in bed snoozing, Donald Trump is tweeting
about CNN's low ratings.
So in 2020, ask yourself, do we want a commander in chief
who goes to bed at night,
or do we want a real man?
(like Trump): I'm Donald Trump. I haven't slept in nine days,
and I approve this message.