OK, this is the championship game, now go out there and win!
But if you don't win that's OK too, I'll be proud of you either way.
Thanks for always believing in us Coach Clampett.
Hey, my pleasure bud!
OK, now I've invited a very special guest to come here and give a pep talk.
Now he was the coach here at Domont Junior high school 20 years ago,
and his coaching style's a little different.
Say hi to Coach Kreeton!
[screaming]
[cheering]
What evil degenerate had Coach Kreeton return to this chamber?
A miserable... memory!
[screaming]
[yelling]
Why am I even here?
Y'all gotta be missing the Housewoman of Beverly Hills television program!
I was hoping you could share some nuggets of wisdom with the team.
OK, I could share some nuggets.
For your little tiny foul-thinking brains.
Win... at all cost.
But if the other team wins,
we still get the joy of coming in second place right?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
You're full of wrong!
See, second place is first loser!
Coach Green, we don't like to use the word loser here.
We prefer non winner.
Well that's too bad, because look here,
they don't give prizes to little pitiful losers.
That's the trophy we won for coming in fourth place!
Fourth place?
What kind of backwards science fiction world is coach Green living in?
[screaming]
Ah, it hit my walking foot!
All my happiness is a memory.
Coach Kreeton, I'm terrible at basketball.
He's never made one basket!
- Do you have any tips? - Yeah, I got a tip.
Throw me a ball!
Oh, wait-- not like that!
What?
I didn't say everyone throw a ball at me, you misguided demons!
Hey, hey, this is no time to be going into your locker hole, you rude hippie!
I'm just getting my extreme hydrating sports energy drink.
You can get your sports hydrating energy drink
when Coach Kreeton is done speech talking, alright?
Now close the locker shut, and keep it shut!
Sorry.
[screaming]
Open it! Open it up!
But you said to keep it closed until you were done--
[screaming]
Open the door!
Ow! Oh, my finger hand.
Oh, the pain is extreme.
Here, this rock hard bag of ice will help.
Rock hard wha--
[laughing]
Get me up, get me up right, oh!
[coughing]
Ah, my head's cold.
Oh, I feel the pain in ways I can't understand.
OK, guys, it's almost game time.
So let's remember the most important thing is to...
- Have fun! - Have fun!
What? No, no, the most important thing is to destroy the other team.
But be thoughtful and kind.
Be aggressive and ruthless.
But remember, they are human beings with feelings and emotions too.
You know what, that's it, kill 'em!
- Kill 'em all. - We just want to play fair.
- And make friends. - It's just a game.
You know what, y'all are saying things my ears can't understand, OK?
That's what's going on right now, that's what's going on.
You know what, Coach Kreeton never got no prize for having fun times,
or handing out with friends.
You know what, I'm taking all these prizes because y'all don't deserve it,
you know what, I'm going up and I'm getting them.
I said I'm going up there, I said I'm going up there...
[screaming]
[buzzer]
Oh, game time guys!
Now let's go out there and win... or not! Whatever!
Either way, we're all getting trophies, right?
You know it!
[screaming]
Oh, you're crazy, kids! Oh, what did you eat?
Oh, the life I live is sad.