This is a big moment on the podcast, because as we know,
Sona is about to give birth to twins,
which means that things are gonna change around here
and there's a bit of a transition in process.
Conan, Sona, we also are welcoming
someone very special here today, David Hopping.
David, welcome.
Thank you.
David Hopping, let me explain,
is going to be filling in for Sona.
David's been with the show,
how many years have you been on the show, David?
Like around four. Four years.
Okay, four years.
Yeah. Almost five, 2016.
Okay. You know, Good for you.
One thing we do on this podcast
is we keep the answers kind of terse.
Oh. About five.
So no one cares if it's four or five.
Someone might.
Uh, no.
One person. My mom cares.
(David and Matt laughing)
Even your mom is like, "Whatever, David. Move on."
She's so happy I moved.
[Conan] She's at home...
She's so glad I'm not in Illinois.
he's at home saying, "That's so David.
Four, no five, no wait, four. No, four and a half."
David, you've been on the podcast before,
remember in the first quarantine episode?
So listeners might know David. Yes.
Yeah.
David. You have taken on a very sacred role.
Sona, many people say, is the beating heart
of the podcast, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
I am the mind, Sona is the heart, and Matt Gourley is...
There's an organ behind the spleen.
Oh.
(David laughing)
We don't know what it does.
Some people think it's just a piece of cartilage.
(Sona laughing)
People are saying I'm the libido of the podcast.
Hey, there you go.
Yeah, I suppose. I suppose.
Sexual energy.
You're the sexual energy that...
I mean, just look at me, I'm in a plaid shirt.
(Sona laughing)
In a plaid shirt. Yep, you are raw sex appeal.
But this is an important time for us,
because while you're here, Sona,
you need to help David understand
what his role on the podcast is going to be.
Now, he has worked at the show, as he said, for five years.
Yeah.
But he may not know what his job is here
and it would probably make sense for you
to try and walk him through it.
So, wait, David's taking over for me
on the podcast as well?
I just thought as your assistant.
I thought we were just, yeah.
Oh. This is breaking news.
What are you doing?
Well I assumed that if you're leaving,
we need another person here.
It's, you know, there's gotta be three of us.
Okay. All right, no, that's cool.
I think David probably wanted to know that as well.
And now I do. (laughs)
That would have been nice information for David to know.
Welcome, David.
Yeah, I'm just assuming we need a third voice.
There is no, the strongest shape is the triangle.
Yeah. [Sona] Huh. Okay.
I think. I don't even think that's true.
I just said that.
I'm with you, though.
Just so long as it doesn't have to be you and me
awkwardly trying to get through an intro.
It'd be nice to have David there.
(David laughing)
Well, the first thing, David, is communication is lacking
on this entire thing.
Oh, you weren't aware that David's gonna be
filling in your role in the podcast?
[Sona] David wasn't aware!
I don't think anyone was aware until right now.
David had no idea!
Hey, wait a minute, maybe I'm wrong.
I just assumed that was a good idea.
Adam, what's happening here? Am I right?
Uh, yeah, I mean I think that's a good idea,
but the conversation was going to be
about David kind of filling in for Sona as your assistant
and getting up to speed on what that is like, but sure.
Oh, I thought we were permanently replacing,
I thought we were permanently replacing Sona.
Permanently?
Well, yeah, you're a mom now.
You can't be doing this shit.
What are you talking about?
I assumed that we were getting rid of Sona,
she's out the door, and that we're bringing David in.
Oh my God. David, run away as fast as you possibly can.
Oh yeah, you don't wanna make a lot of money
just gabbing on the radio occasionally
with a comedic legend.
Who needs that?
Come on, I'm not a comedic legend, I'm just a producer.
You are. You are considered a comedic legend.
Weren't you a voice at Disneyland?
Yeah.
(laughs) I was a trashcan.
There you go.
And you know what? To me, you'll always be a trashcan.
Aw, that's sweet.
[Matt] Thanks, buddy. Thank you.
No, no, I just think, he's here today
and I'm gonna be honest with you,
I think if hits it out of the park today, who knows?
This could be it. This could be your farewell episode, Sona.
Oh God.
So just, you've got to be on your toes today, Sona.
What the hell is this? What is this?
I like to pit people against each other.
That's what Lauren did at Saturday Night Live.
Oh, come on.
And it made that show hum, you know?
"Did you see that your rival got a sketch on?
Are you feeling nervous, Conan?
Oh, look, rival. Now Conan's doing well."
You know, that's the kind of thing
that makes that show so superlative
and that's what I wanna do here.
I want to pit you and, is it David?
Mm hm.
[Conan] Okay. Yeah.
I wanna pit you and David against each other
and see, you know.
You can't.
And that is gonna make both of you fantastic.
You can't, you know why?
Because we've already established,
David and I are on a team, we're allies,
and you are the enemy.
Yeah.
So this is how we approach this entire thing.
You stand to gain. You stand to gain here, David.
This could really change your life.
Oh, wow.
[Conan] David, how old are you?
Twenty-nine.
You're 29 years old. [David] Yeah.
I don't know what your income is, but...
You're his boss.
Do you wanna give me more while we're here?
Look, I don't, does the pharaoh know
every detail of the pyramids' construction?
No, he visits the pyramid every couple of months
and eats a fig and take a look at it and says,
"Looks okay to me."
And then tens of thousands of people,
with very short life expectancies, move the stones around.
[Sona] Oh, God.
That's sort of my role. I'm the pharaoh.
Got it. Got it.
So I don't know exactly what you make,
but I imagine if you became a regular part of the podcast,
you would, you know, bump up quite a bit in your life.
So, can I get this straight? I'm sorry, real quick.
Are you firing me because I'm having babies?
I can't. I looked into this.
[Sona] Okay. All right.
You know what? I looked into this, Sona.
And trust me, I looked into it.
I got, oh my, I got so many lawyers involved.
(laughs) Okay.
No. I am not firing you because you're having babies,
because I'm told that plan that I had is not legal
and is morally wrong.
Okay, good.
So that's not happening.
Okay, you had to be told that is morally wrong, okay.
Either way, I think we've come
to a good conclusion for you,
which is that you will be welcomed back with open arms
as soon as you're ready to return here.
Oh, okay.
At a reduced salary.
[Matt] Oh! [Sona] What the hell?
Hey, there it is.
[Sona] There it is.
Well, I'm sorry, but I don't think
there's a law against that.
There is.
Oh, right. They did tell me that.
Yeah, there is, there absolutely is.
You know what? I keep forgetting what the lawyers told me.
Yes, that's right.
Yes, yes.
Same salary or probably even higher.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm sorry, I have my plots and schemes
and then it's very good,
they always bring lawyers in to explain to me
that I can't do that, that that hasn't been...
Most of what I wanna do to the staff
hasn't been legal since 1840.
(all laughing)
1840 in England and 1978 in America.
A lot of this seems like common sense, though,
but it does sound...
You would think, but it really isn't, as I'm proof.
But let's start with, then,
let's say that he's not replacing you on the podcast.
I was trying to pull a fast one.
Okay.
And seeing if I could, maybe you'd just go,
"Oh, good for you."
And then I would have audio record of you resigning.
That didn't happen.
What? Oh, you were trying to bait me into quitting?
I just thought maybe it would happen
and we would have, what my lawyer said was proof.
(Sona laughing)
I also think there would be an uproar
if Sona permanently left the podcast.
[Conan] Yeah. Oh, yes.
If Sona goes, I go, for sure.
Oh, oh yeah.
Oh, Matt, that's nice. That's a Rudy moment.
Oh, you're gonna go to one of your other hit podcasts,
Me and Mr. Quibbles?
Hey.
Ships in a Bottle Talk?
Matt, you should just go on maternity leave with me.
Matt, of course I'm being funny.
I have to point that out,
because that's really funny people do. (laughs)
But my point is this,
Matt Gourley is a very successful podcaster,
long before I stumbled onto this scene.
I make these jokes, but they're absurd and they're wrong.
I denigrate you for no reason, Matt,
and I should be honoring you instead.
Sona, of course, you're always welcome here.
You are the heart, as I said, of the podcast.
Aw, that's nice.
And had you voluntarily been tricked into resigning,
I might have taken you up on it, but you didn't,
and so you will be returning soon, I hope.
I wasted a lot of time on this segment,
trying to trick Sona into resigning.
It didn't work.
[Sona] Yeah.
But now we get to the meat of the issue, which is,
Sona is going to explain her duties
and this is gonna be hilarious,
'cause I think she has no idea
what a professional assistant does.
[Sona] This is true.
So tune in to that wonderful piece
of chicanery and tomfoolery on the next episode
of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.
Wow, this is exciting.
This is our first-ever segment cliff-hanger.
Yeah, what a cliff-hanger.
(Sona and David laughing)
Instead of who shot JR or what does Rosebud mean,
our version of that on this show
is Sona explains what an assistant does
to a relative stranger.
It gives me time to figure it out.
Yeah. We'll see you next week.