Hey there, this is Clay with http://relationshipinnergame.com.
And today I'm going to be talking about how to know if you should try to get back together
with your ex after a breakup.
And a lot of people will just want to get back together with their ex out of just like
sheer instinct or just out of sheer emotional reaction.
But that's not really a good place to make that sort of decision from.
What, what we'd actually recommend is that you sit down and do a little exercise.
This is called the, the five by five list.
So here's how you do this.
Get out a sheet of paper and I want you to draw a line down the middle.
And on one side I want you to write down five qualities that you will not tolerate in any
person that you were in a relationship with.
And a, these can be anything, anything at all.
Just be completely open and honest with yourself and what you are looking for in a relationship.
You know, so you might say, I won't tolerate a cheating.
I won't tolerate.
I'm lying.
I won't tolerate a someone who doesn't respect me.
Someone who, you know it and you know, you don't have to just say these emotional qualities
either.
Like if you just want a rich guy, just be like, yeah, I won't tolerate someone who's
broke.
I will.
And if you want like a tall dude who's like six foot six or something, he just be like,
yeah, I won't tolerate anyone under six feet tall.
Just be completely honest with what you want.
Don't, don't say something that just like sounds good.
If you were to tell it to someone else, just be honest with what you want.
Okay?
So go ahead and do that for the five qualities that you will not tolerate in any romantic
relationship.
And then on the other side of that line that we drew down the middle, I want you to go
ahead and write the five qualities that you must have in any romantic relationship.
Okay.
And again, be completely honest with yourself here.
Like, you know, go ahead and write down anything that, that you really want, whether that's
like, emotional openness and honesty, whether that's loyalty, whether that's someone who
enjoys having fun and isn't serious all the time.
Or you know, even if it's something that's more shower, like, I just want a girl with
big boobs, or I just want a rich dude, you know, go ahead and just write down whatever
it is you actually want in a relationship.
Okay.
And then what I want you to do is I want you to take these two lists and I want you to
sit down and ask yourself realistically and honestly, does your ex fit these characteristics,
these traits, you know, do they have any of the qualities that are on the must have list?
And if they do have those qualities, then you should absolutely try to, get back together
with them.
You know, you owe it to yourself.
If you know, it's, it's hard to find a good person who, who in this world really meets
the important qualities that you're looking for in a potential partner.
And if you actually find someone who, who's hitting on pretty much all of them, then that's
actually pretty rare.
And you owe it to yourself to try to see if that relationship, if it's important to you.
However, if you're looking at that, that list of the five things that you will not tolerate,
and do you see any qualities there at all, no matter what the good things are.
Then I would seriously consider, whether or not your ex is actually the, the right sort
of relationship material for you.
And you know, don't, don't try and think that like, oh, you know, I can change them or anything
like that because you really can't bank on changing another person.
Yes, people can change as they move and grow through life, but they have to really want
to do that for themselves.
They can't really change for another person otherwise that's just going to, caused resentment
and bitterness to build up.
So, I would really consider, I would really encourage you to go ahead and, and make that
five by five lists so that you can, really look at it and tell if your ex is the kind
of person that you actually do want to have a relationship with that, that you would actually
believe that you could have a great relationship with.
Thanks again, and if you're not already a member of our newsletter, please go to relationshipinnergame.com
and sign up there.
You'll get a bunch of a free relationship advice to help you get back together with
the person that you love.
Okay.