I've always thought about work burnout. But I never really
thought about parental burnout until I started really looking
into it. And I realized that they're pretty much the same.
And can you imagine a working parent that has to deal with
parental and work related burnout, busy as a bee seems to
be the best way to describe many of us, we seem to have more and
more that we're juggling, which makes it seem like it's
impossible, even to have a little bit of time for
ourselves. So let's chat like old friends at a quaint cozy
cafe, talking about our lives and sharing productivity, time
management and organization advice that will help us find
time to work on our goals and dreams. I have been a single mom
for 20 years, went to college, climb the career ladder with two
babies and is now a program manager at an ITN consulting
company, and even went to business school while raising my
grandson, and is now here to share everything I have learned
on how to be productive with a full plate with you. Welcome to
the productivity pie podcast.
Hi, everyone, hopefully
everybody's having a wonderful week. What I wanted to talk
about today was burnout. And not just work, related burnout, but
also parental burnout. Yes, there is parental burnout, if
you haven't heard, and they both have similar reasons, and all of
us have experienced it. I know 2020. A lot of people, their
mental health definitely took a hit. And with that, we saw that
a lot of parents had to juggle homeschooling their kids or
taking care of little kids who are not in school, and as well
as going work. So a lot of them were suffering burnout. Some
stats that you might find interesting is that LinkedIn
survey 5000, Americans found that 74% of women felt stress
for work related reasons and 61% of men felt the same and
estimated 2.3 5 million working mothers in the US suffered
burnout since the start of the pandemic, due to the unequal
demands of home and work. The countries with the highest rates
of parental burnout was Belgium, followed by the US. And then
Poland, a sociologist Rosanna hertz at Wellesley College did a
study and she found that single mothers who are not part of a
multi adult household felt that their work productivity had
decreased as results of their care responsibilities. Rose, and
she even quoted one single mother is saying, I felt like my
children were my priority, but there was pressure not to drop
productivity at work. And it has been widely reported that a lot
of women have left the workforce due to the pandemic. And I have
been there, I'm not gonna lie this week. I feel like I have
been dealing with burnout. So many things have happened since
last week, the baby hasn't been a daycare since last Thursday,
he's been having fever, infection, then Monday, found
out that he has his hand or it was Tuesday, I found out that he
has hand foot Mouth Disease. So he can't be a daycare, because
if he has those sores in there open, he can be contagious
towards other kids, which I suspect that he got it from
another kid because he's not around children, when he's with
us, and just really me and my son. So it had to be another kid
at daycare. So people, if your kid goes to daycare, I know you
have to work try to keep them at home. But on the flip side, I
understand why people take their kids to daycare, I'm not saying
that I agree with it, I'm just saying that I can understand and
sympathize with them, because they feel like they have to.
Because if they don't, even if the work says that they are
flexible, and they are understanding in the US, I don't
know how it is another countries but many companies in the US,
you start getting a sense from your co workers as though you
did something wrong when you return back to the office. And
then usually someone has to have a conversation with you. And
they try to mask it as though it's because of something else.
But it's because you took time off so I can see why people
don't want to take time off because they feel as though
people are going to treat them differently when we turn back to
the office. And that can be a conversation in itself the way
that people feel as though they can't take any time off. That
needs to change that culture in the US. I understand. People
need to work but you also have to understand that people also
need to take time off. So that is something that happened and
so on. As of now, I am working with the baby here. But
fortunately, I do have a company that is a bit more understanding
than others. And they're letting me work in alternate schedule,
which has really helped.
My ceiling between the first and the second floor started to leak
to the point that the ceiling was caving in. So how to deal
with that, as my nephew said to me, You are really going through
it, and he's right about that. But I had to take a step back
and think, okay, yes, things have happened, they have pretty
much sucked. You are stressed out right now, on Tuesday, when
I found out that he had hand foot Mouth Disease, and he
couldn't go back to daycare, who I'm not going to lie when he
went and took a nap. I had a scream and a pillow because I
was like, What in the world. And so I started really delving into
burnout. I've always thought about work burnout. But I never
really thought about parental burnout until I started really
looking into it. And I realized that they're pretty much the
same. And can you imagine a working parent that has to deal
with parental and work related burnout? Oh, my gosh, it is a
lot. And sometimes, especially last year, when people were
taking care of their kids and working at the same time. And a
lot of these companies did not want to let up, they did not
want to sit there and allow their employees to breathe. Now
we're starting to see from the Iceland study, where parents
were given where parents were working four days a week that it
seems like now there's a movement in the US to go that
direction. But not all companies are doing that, especially if
your clients are or other organizations and agencies that
are 1020 years behind everyone else, you're not going to be
able to do that. And I applaud all the working parents out
there, because you might not think you are. But you are doing
the best you can. So yeah, it has been tough. And some of the
reasons for burnout. And there there's pretty much the same for
as a parent and work is you're working a long work hours. heavy
workload, you're dealing with a toxic work environment. And that
means that you're dealing with your fellow co workers who are
just, you just don't get along with you have a very like
micromanaging boss or boss who just treats you like total crap.
You have a horrific commute, which many of us didn't have to
deal with. But that's one of the reasons why now a lot of people
are quitting left and right is because now some of these
companies want people to go back to their the office and some
people are saying Hell no, especially if you live in a city
like dc dc has one of the worst traffic's one of the worst in
the whole country. And then they expect you to travel One, two
hours each way, when you've been working from home for almost a
year and a half. And it has been working. Yes, I'm not saying
that in person interactions aren't valuable, but they don't
have to be done all the time. So I can see why people are
quitting left and right, because they're probably thinking, I
finally have this work life balance, I'm finally able to do
work on my hobby, be with my family. And now you want me to
go back to how things were hell now. So that's one of the other
reasons why people suffer burnout, low pay, lack of social
support, and as well as insufficient pay time off. And
it's pretty similar to parental burnout because you're not
getting paid for it and base and it's a job that should be you
should be getting paid like billions of dollars for and then
as well as it is a lot especially when your kids are
tiny babies and toddlers toddlers being probably like the
worst age for that or even teenagers I tend to say after
dealing with my teens, especially my daughters that
teenagers, especially like Middle School teens are
basically toddlers. So if you have a parent that's dealing
with some teenagers at home, or toddlers, they're going through
it and the thing is like if they don't even have the lack of
support to help them with that, then that makes it even worse.
But you don't want to let burnout. Continue happening for
too long, because that could lead to depression, anxiety. It.
And one thing is is that your mental health is connected to
your physical health. So that will start being seen
physically, you'll start gaining weight, you'll start either
having low appetite or eating too much your you can even have
like heart issues like people have had heart attacks, I mean,
especially like, in like Japan, there were people who were
dying, because they were being overworked. So before that
happens, you have to find ways to take care of yourself, and
your well being in order to
be able to deal with work, family, and make sure that
you're not feeling as though you're never gonna get out of
the situation that you're in. First thing is, and it's not
easy, especially when you're in the midst of burnout is to
change your mindset. I already told you, on Tuesday, when I
found out that he was sick again, I went and screamed after
he took a nap. And for maybe an hour, I was feeling sorry for
myself. And I was like what in the world more I can deal with
my ceilings caving in, he's sick for the 100th time, and then I
have to deal with work. But after the hour of just feeling
sorry for myself, I took a step back and said chalon he's only
going to be this age for a short period of time, your kids, you
blinked. And they're 18 and 20. So yes, even though this is not
the part of parenting that you love, this is also the moments
where you're not going to have any more because he's going to
be older and not going to really want to not need you as much.
And so I had to remember that, I also had to remember that I am
someone who has very strong work ethic, and I want to do my best
and I don't want to let anybody down. But work can wait. And if
people want to be different towards me when I get back
doesn't matter. That's their journey. That's their emotions
and their shit that they have to figure out. Don't put that on
you. And I had to realize that I was doing the best I can. And it
will be okay. In the end. I found a plumber who fixed the
leak, he finally seems to be getting better. And I was able
to talk to my boss and be like, hey, I need to work an alternate
schedule this week. And he said, Sure. So I was able to change my
mindset of oh my gosh, this is never gonna end to it will be
okay, you will be fine. And it did I feel so much better now
than I did earlier this week. The other thing is ask for help
at work. If you have co workers.
ask them for help. If you are a manager, learn to delegate at
home, do the same learn to delegate. If you have older kids
who can entertain the the smaller kids for half an hour.
Let them do that. If you have other families and your kids are
the same age, and they can take the kids to the activities or to
school, let them do that. If you have family and friends who can
help with your babies and toddlers, even watching them for
one hour, just take the help or even get a babysitter. I did
that I finally went to my son and I said Look, I need you to
help me with the baby. Just give me an hour when you're not going
to work if you can watch him for an hour, and He shrugged his
shoulders and was like, Yeah, okay, sure. And I was like, Oh
my God, that's all I had to do. This whole time I was sitting
here doing everything myself. And I could have just asked for
just one hour which pay you might not think it's a lot, but
it is a lot. And that's exactly what I did yesterday. I had like
two meetings and I said to him, Hey, I have these two meetings
back to back. This is when I need you to watch it for that
hour. And he said okay, and he did, and I was even able to make
dinner. So definitely just ask for help. I know that I'm
someone who doesn't like asking for help. I don't want to I feel
like I'm intruding. But I finally my mom told me she was
like you need to ask for help take it. And that's exactly what
I did. And it's helped. Even at work, I delegated to my project
managers, some stuff, and they did a great job. And I was able
to be relieved that I didn't have to go to those meetings,
and I was able to have other people do it. So please ask for
help, you will be surprised, the people who would be willing to
help you. And I said in my last podcast episode, but don't feel
the need to be perfect. Don't feel the need to try to emulate
someone who you think is the perfect parent. Because little
secret, there is no perfect parent. And you might think that
person is the perfect parent. But he or she is also dealing
with some other stuff, do what makes sense for you and your
children in your situation. And don't look at what other people
are doing. I know it's hard, especially with social media,
and you're seeing all these beautiful pictures and people
posting how great they are. Don't feel the need to be like
other people the same thing as you're at work, don't feel the
need to look at other co workers and be like, Oh my god, but they
seem to have it going on or they seem to have it together. You
don't know what's going on in their life. And even if let's
say they are doing a great job, look at yourself and say, Wow,
you know what, I'm doing a great job. And if you're feeling as
though you're not look at what you need to work on, and work on
it, instead of focusing on what other people are doing. And that
will really help too, because I feel like, we tend to do that.
And that makes us feel worse. So don't go there. If there are
things that you like about the other person, and you feel as
though you can work on those areas, then do that. And last
thing is practice self care. Even if it's for one minute,
where you can close your eyes, and count and breathe. Do
whatever you need to do to not feel like you're going under.
Just take care of yourselves. If you have to say no to a meeting,
say no to a meeting. If you have to put your child to watch TV
for 15 minutes, 30 minutes, it's not going to affect them. I know
that there's a bunch of studies saying like it's going to harm
them and stuff that's like if you're doing it constantly. But
if you need that time for yourself, then do that. Don't
feel the need to feel like you have to be Superwoman Superman,
you don't just really think about what makes sense for you,
and what will help you and don't let burnout get so bad, where
you start getting clinically depressed, you don't want it to
get that far. But please reach out. If you need someone to
listen. I'm here, families, their friends are there. If you
even got to the point that you feel as though you need a
therapist, get a therapist. It doesn't have the stigma it used
to once a lot of people have therapists and people openly
talk about it. So there's nothing wrong with getting a
therapist, it doesn't mean like you're doing anything wrong, it
just means you need a little bit of help. I really hope that all
of you take care of yourselves. This has been a crazy, two
years. We'll see how next year goes. But I think one thing that
has been good about these two years is that people are
actually really looking at their life and seeing what they want
in it and what they don't want in it. And it can be a little
scary at first. But in the long run, it's good, because it will
also help you find your happy medium, and get to the point
where you won't have to deal with burnout. That's what I
wanted to talk about. Please link up with me on Instagram,
Twitter, LinkedIn, I would love to hear from you. Let me know if
you have or you are dealing with parental or work related burnout
or both. Let's have that conversation because I think
it's needed and it's time that also companies start helping
their employees. But everyone have a great week and take care.
Thank you so much for listening to the productivity pod podcast.
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