the studio, but she's
been on a seemingly relentless campaign
to beat Abby at every turn.
Take a look at this.
[music playing]
There's a dance teacher in our area
whose kid went to New York City with him
while he was away from us.
Stretch it out.
JOHN: How are you?
I'm good.
Good to see you.
ABBY LEE: I'm so glad you're here.
ABBY LEE (VOICEOVER): John is a brilliant, brilliant
choreographer.
John-- is that your LA man?
No.
That's my Miami John.
That's your Miami John.
She has Johns in every state.
[laughter]
Love you.
Let's go.
Come on.
Ooh.
Cathy did not like that, that you knew somebody.
Like, there's, like, daggers coming out of her eyes.
I know everybody.
ALEC MAPA: You know everybody, so you're the real deal.
ABBY LEE: I've been doing this for 33 years.
I take kids all over the country.
She's at home with her husband and her kid.
I leave my family, I leave my studio, my hometown.
Every other studio in my town is at home.
Where am I?
Orlando, New York, Vegas, LA.
I'm with my students.
I meet people.
I network.
I take my kids.
I walk in, I go, [vocalizing].
I throw them at the producer, at the director,
at the choreographers.
Here's the difference between you and Cathy.
You tell it like it is.
She reminds me of that joke.
What's the difference between a bitchy queen and an evil queen?
A bitchy queen will say, are you going to wear that?
And the evil queen will say, you look terrific.
That's who Cathy is.
NADINE RAJABI: I actually think Vivi
is the mastermind behind Cathy.
She's actually not a baby.
She's actually 47.
She's a 47-year-old woman.
[laughter]
NADINE RAJABI: She doesn't speak, because she actually
controls-- ALEC MAPA: She never speaks.
NADINE RAJABI: No.
She kind of just lurks by the table,
like, during the auditions like--
Like creepily. Right.
And then he eats ice cream.
And she's just like-- [laughter]
JEFF COLLINS: So listen, a lot of fans
have been asking about where Cathy's money comes from.
So I think we may have found the answer.
Take a look at this.
CHRISTI: We got a phone call from Cathy.
Oh,
CHRISTI: That--
I know that she is up to no good.
So whatever it is, it's manipulative.
You know how her husband owns that beef jerky thing, right?
Well, he was doing a commercial for the store.
And Cathy called.
And she offered Chloe a job to go be in the commercial.
ABBY LEE: Oh.
So that's where you were yesterday.
CHRISTI: So here's a commercial.
MAN (ON TV): We got beef jerky, turkey jerky, chicken jerky.
Hell, my mouth's on fire jerky.
If you can jerk it, Tommy's got it, because no one jerks it
like Tommy.
This ain't my first rodeo.
GIRLS: Mm.
Good.
KELLY: She's a piece of meat.
Do you think she had her come to, like, humiliate her?
Absolutely.
[applause]
Isn't that every dancer's worst nightmare,
that my beef jerky past is going to come up at some point?
[laughter]
JEFF COLLINS: You know, Dr. Holly, she lost it this year.
And she called Abby a monstrosity of evil.
Right. [laughter]
JEFF COLLINS: And I said to Abby,
do you even know what that means?
Yes.
JEFF COLLINS: I don't know what that means.
A monstrosity.
She used great words, you know?
All right.
So the conflicts and rivalries on the show
not only make for some great television,
they coin some interesting insults.
You might want to grab a pen and take notes on this one.
CHRISTI: So what's your group dance this week?
Are you riding unicycles?
You're a smart girl.
What's it look like?
Oh, I don't know.
It's like a bicycle wheel.
So what's it to you?
I'm just asking what your gimmick is this week.
You always have one. - There's no gimmick.
That gimmick tends to beat you, every once in a while.
CHRISTI: Every once in a while.
Where did you guys get these?
From Cathy's wheelchair?
CATHY: Ah, no, Jill.
JILL: You gotta admit, that's funny.
That's funny. Come on.
CATHY: Oh, yeah.
We're all laughing.
And how old are you, double chin?
Not as old as you.
CATHY: Oh, really?
Who would know with all the work you've had done?
JILL: OK.
Turn around if you don't like it.
I don't need to turn around, Jill.
- Then shut up. - No.
I don't need to shut up either.
Yes, you do. CATHY: No.
I don't. - OK.
I don't think you can.
JILL: And listen, there are children here.
So watch your mouth.
I don't have to watch my mouth, Jill.
Watch your ugly mouth.
I don't have to watch my ugly mouth.
It's ugly, like you.
You should talk about ugly.
Everybody thinks you're a man in disguise.
Ooh.
CATHY: Jaylen, you have to continue to take dance classes.
And you want to be well-rounded, yes?
Just not well-rounded like Abby.
[laughter]
ABBY LEE: Do you think I've given up my whole life in all
the organizations that I belong to to deal
with that piece of crap?
No.
She is dirt under my feet.
She hit me.
There's no going back.
I'm sorry you guys are miserable.
I'm not miserable.
I'm sorry you guys are miserable.
Our kids are happy.
They--
Look at me when you talk to me.
I don't want to look at you when I talk to you.
You guys are so caught up on, oh my god,
complaining about every little [bleep] thing that happens.
I'm looking you in the eye, bitch.
Bitch, let's go.
Let's go.
- I'm not that way. - Sit down.
Exactly.
Do not call me a bitch if you can't back it up.
[applause]
Oh my gosh, guys, where do we begin?
First of all, I think that skinny Christi is, like,
the Queen Latifah of "Dance Moms."
Is she not?
She has to sit like this to hold up her boobs.
[laughter]
NADINE RAJABI: I felt like she was going to float away
a little bit.
I wanted to say something about Cathy though.
The last time I saw her, she got lots of work done.
Did you notice that? - Did she?
She's like this?
Is she?
Oh.
ABBY LEE: Really?
And Jill said, look.
I said, I know.
I saw.
ABBY LEE: Ooh.
Oh, she did something.
There was something going on.
Well, the meat didn't pay for that.
MELISSA: Something going on there.
The jerky didn't pay for that.
[laughter]
I think they could take the insults even further.
Do a whole round of your dance mama is so--
Are we going there?
Your dance mama so dumb she bought point shoes
for her fingers.
[laughter]
[applause]
NADINE RAJABI: Your dance mama's so dumb, when they told her
she was pigeon toed, you went to the vet and got X-rays.
[laughter]
Your dance mama's so stupid, she doesn't know what
comes after five, six, seven.
[laughter]
NADINE RAJABI: Your dance mama is so stupid
that when Abby told her to put her daughter's hair in a bun,
she went and got out a baguette.
[laughter]
ALEC MAPA: The level of that caliber, perhaps.
Thank you.
[applause]
The show has become a huge success.
And as we all know, imitation, and in this case, parody,
is the sincerest form of flattery sometimes.
So take a look at this clip from "Dance Moms, The Musical."
[music playing]
[vocalization]
[evil laugh]
That girl's a good singer.
[applause]
How funny is that?
There were, like, three lyrics to that song.
Don't mess with Abby Lee.
Do they really need the music in front of them to remember that?
NADINE RAJABI: Right. Like, there were no verses.
There was like, no other words.
Don't mess.
I got it.
[laughter]
There's a really, really good studio in South Carolina.
And their big production number this year with 70 kids in it
is "Dance Moms."
And they took clips from the show,
like voice bites from the show.
Now, how do you find out about it?
Do people send you stuff all the time?
ABBY LEE: No.
I just I know them, and I've heard through the--
no.
I heard through the grapevine.
I haven't seen it yet, but I want to see it.
ALEC MAPA: That's so neat. JEFF COLLINS: All right.
Nadine and Alec, I'm going to mix things up here
for a second.
I'm going to give you guys 10 seconds each
to ask as many questions as you can to Abby.
ALEC MAPA: All right. OK.
JEFF COLLINS: All right. Nadine, you go first.
Go.
Who do you think dresses the worst on the show?
Kelly.
Do you think that Jill kisses your ass because she wants
to take Melissa's place?
Jill buys nice gifts.
Do you think that Jill is a horrible dresser?
[buzzer] - No comment.
All right, times up.
[applause]
JEFF COLLINS: So Alec, I'll give you 10 seconds too.
Ready?
Go.
How do you manage to teach an entire class without ever
moving?
[laughter]
Because I'm damn good.
Which celebrity have you met so far that you were star
struck the most about?
Whoopi Goldberg.
ALEC MAPA: Oh, that's a good one.
JEFF COLLINS: There you go. Time's up.
Oh, rats.
That's [inaudible].
JEFF COLLINS: OK.
Fair enough, fair enough.
Whoopi Goldberg's a good one.
JEFF COLLINS: Melissa, here's one for you.
Which one of the dance moms do you think has the biggest butt?
MELISSA: Well, this is a good question
because we see each other a lot, you know, naked.
When? MELISSA: Oh my gosh.
We always walk in each other's rooms
when we get ready in the morning.
JEFF COLLINS: We've heard all about your boobs, Melissa.
MELISSA: Oh my gosh.
I think Holly probably has the biggest butt.
ABBY LEE: No way.
Holly's bottom is proportionate with the rest of her--
well, her derriere.
Right.
ABBY LEE: Kelly?
When she buys all those dresses that she thinks looks fabulous
on her, the skirt is up in the back and down in the front.
She doesn't, like, have them hemmed correctly.
Therefore, by dressing, Kelly has the biggest butt.
ALEC MAPA: I can't believe that's the one big question
in the Twitter-sphere right now.
It's, like-- MELISSA: It's crazy.
ALEC MAPA: That's the burning question out there.
Who has the biggest butt?
And that's not even-- that's not even an opinion question.
There's, like, reality.
I mean, we could whip out a tape measure.
[laughter]
JEFF COLLINS: Another burning question is, will we ever see
Abby doing some choreography?
Will we ever see you dancing?
Well, I mean, that was like my question
is, like, we see the end result in the dance competitions.
And we see you coach the kids and make adjustments.
But we never actually see you do the dance moves yourself.
Well, when dancers are auditioning
for professional work--
Yes.
ABBY LEE: Let's say, here in LA or in New York.
You could have somebody that is 75 years old choreographing
the show, directing the show.
And they say, [inaudible],, glissade, gran jete.
You better know what it is. - Right.
ABBY LEE: If you have to have somebody get up
and do it for you, you're screwed.