Ah, gaslighting.
It's when someone messes with your head
to make you doubt your own thoughts,
feelings or reality.
Both men and women
have been guilty of gaslighting
and often don't consciously
realize they're doing it.
It can happen to anyone
whether you're dating, in a relationship,
or with friends or acquaintances or even workmates.
Gaslighting is a common play by narcissists
and they're so habituated to manipulating others
they sometimes don't even know they're doing it.
It doesn't make it right.
However, if they do it on purpose
they might be a sociopath or psychopath.
Gaslight often deny things they've said
or done make you question your memory
and even make you feel like you are the crazy one.
If you feel like
you're in a constant state of confusion
this video will help you know
if you're being gaslighted
and what to do about it if you are.
In this video, we'll look at
eight scary long-term effects of gaslighting.
10 examples of what gaslighters say,
nine things to say to a gaslighter,
and seven strategies to take your power back.
By the end of this video you'll know
how to make sure no one
messes with your reality.
So, if you're new to my channel
I help men decode modern women
so you can find, attract, and keep your keeper
or simply have better relationships with women
if you prefer to stay single.
Welcome to just the tip.
So, while this video does focus on
women gaslighting men,
men also gaslight women.
In fact, narcissists will gaslight anyone
if it benefits them.
Let's look at what will happen to you
if you continue to let her gaslight you.
Maybe you're already experiencing
some of these detrimental effects.
One, dwindling self-confidence.
Gaslighting makes you doubt your thoughts
like they're conspiracy theories.
Confidence disappears
and you're left with a mental
dazed and confused, sign.
Two, isolation from support.
Gaslight are social architects
constructing bridges to no where
and walls barring your social circle.
You become the lonely VIP in your life.
Three, increase anxiety and stress.
Gaslighting is a fast track to stress ville
where anxiety is the mayor
and peace of mind is a distant relative.
Four, depression.
Gaslighting is the ultimate mood crusher.
Your mental state becomes gloomy.
An episode of emotional disaster.
Spoiler alert, it has low ratings.
Five, difficulty in trusting others.
Congratulations, you've earned a PhD in distrust.
Gaslighting grads often find it hard to trust
and trust issues becomes your new name tag.
Six, impact on decision making.
Gas lighting turns decision making
into a game of guess what's wrong
and you become the contestant who never wins.
Good luck choosing what cereal to buy,
nevermind making major life decisions.
Seven, long-term emotional trauma.
Gaslighting is like emotional glitter.
It sticks around long after you've left the party.
The trauma lingers like an unwanted party crasher.
Eight, loss of personal identity.
Gaslighting can lead to extreme self-identity theft.
You're living someone else's version of your life
like a bad movie remake
where they cast the wrong actor to be your role.
No one wants to see that especially you.
Obviously being gaslighted sucks
but how do you know if it's actually happening
or if you really are being "oversensitive"
or "overreacting."
Let's look at gas lighting examples
to help you see the gas light.
One, selective amnesia.
She conveniently "forgets" things she said or did
leaving you questioning your memory.
Example, you say we had plans tonight.
Her, did we?
I don't remember you must be mistaken.
Or you say you said you come to my event tonight.
Her, did I?
I'm sure I didn't promise that.
Two, twisting the truth.
She manipulates facts
or events making you doubt your reality
of what really happened.
Example, you say something like
I saw you flirting at the party
her, flirting?
I was just being friendly
you're always overreacting
or you say you told me you were at home last night.
Her, I never said that
I said I might go out.
You must have misunderstood.
Three, denying reality
when confronted with the truth
she flat out denies it
making you question your perception.
Example, you say
you said I'm a burden.
Her, I never said that you're imagining things.
Or you say something like
I saw you talking to your ex.
Her, no you didn't.
Why would I do that?
Four, minimizing.
She downplays the significance of your feelings
or experiences making you feel like
you're making a big deal out of nothing.
Example, you say
I was really looking forward to our date.
Her, it's just one date.
Why are you making such a big deal out of it?
Or you say
I didn't like it when you made that
joke about me in front of our friends
her, oh, come on
it was just a joke you're too sensitive.
Five, diverting blame.
Instead of taking responsibility
she shifts the blame onto you
making you question if you really are at fault.
Example, you say
you forgot to bring my sweatshirt back again.
Her, well if you weren't so needy
I wouldn't have to remember everything.
Six, false validation.
She might agree with you initially
and then later deny ever saying
or agreeing anything.
Example, you say
you said you'd come to the party with me
her, I never said that.
You must have heard me wrong
or you say
you agreed we would meet at my place tonight.
And she might say I think you misunderstood me.
I meant if I wasn't too tired.
Seven, blocking communication.
She might actively prevent
or divert conversations
to avoid addressing uncomfortable truths.
Example, you might say
we need to talk about our problems.
She might say why are you always so negative?
Let's talk about something happy.
Or you'll say can we talk about what happened?
And she'll say
I don't want to discuss this right now
can't you respect my space?
Eight, projecting insecurities.
She attributes her own insecurities
or flaws to you creating confusion
about your own self perception.
Example, you,
you always change your mind
about decisions we've made.
Her, you're so controlling
maybe that's the real issue here.
Or you, I feel like you don't trust me
her, trust, look who's talking
you're the one who's always suspicious.
Nine, constant contradictions.
She consistently changes her stance
or opinion leaving you feeling
disoriented and uncertain.
For example, you might say
you said you wanted to wait to move in together.
Her, I never said that
why would I want to wait?
Or you might say
yesterday you said you liked my friends
her, I never said that
you know I don't like your friends.
Woo, 10.
Undermining confidence
through subtle comments or actions.
She erodes your self-esteem
making you question your own self-worth.
Example, you,
I just bought this outfit what do you think?
Her, it's okay I guess.
I'm not sure if it really suits you though.
Or you, actually I'm proud of my achievements.
Her, well it's not impressive
anyone could do what you did.
Ooh, ouch.
Okay, so have you ever experienced
any of these situations?
Share your stories in the comments
and if you're finding value in this video so far
please give it a like and consider sharing it
with someone who needs it at the end.
Facing a gaslight can be like
squaring off with a tricky opponent
but there are some assertive moves
and phrases you can throw in the ring.
Then we'll look at what you can do
to feel more empowered and in control.
Now remember, even if she isn't a narcissist
change is uncomfortable
and she may not respond maturely at first.
She'll try to use what's worked in the past
but if she is mature she will come around.
These statements will feel uncomfortable at first.
You'll feel completely vulnerable
because they're untested in your relationship
but if you want to try them
here's what you might say.
One, express your feelings.
Something like, I feel confused
and hurt by the way our interactions are going.
Two, use specific examples.
When you said this
it made me question what happened.
I need to talk about that.
Three, set clear boundaries.
Say something like
I need honesty and open communication
in our relationship.
Can we agree on that?
Or I need space to think and reflect.
Can we reconvene on this tomorrow?
Four, trust your memory.
Like I remember things differently.
I need you to try and understand my side.
Five, stay calm and assertive.
Like, I won't let anyone
try to manipulate my thoughts or feelings.
Let's communicate respectfully
or can you clarify what happened?
Six, ask direct questions like
can you help me understand
why you deny things that happened?
Seven, be empathetic.
I really want to understand your perspective
and I also need you to understand
how your actions affect me.
Eight, use "I" statements, not "you" statements.
I need honesty
and transparency in this relationship.
Can we work on that together?
Not you're a liar.
Consider consequences
like if this pattern continues
it will damage our relationship
let's find a healthier way to communicate.
Okay, so I know what you're thinking
but Anna, this will never work.
Okay, so if you're calm, loving, and firm
and she overreacts doubles down on gaslighting
or amplifies her negative reaction
these are signs she may be a narcissist
or so emotionally damaged
nothing you do or say will help.
Don't let her reaction throw you.
You must maintain a new pattern
for it to become established
and more on how to handle an angry woman in a moment.
But before I share that let's look at
what happens if she has an unpleasant reaction.
Things you can do to feel more empowered.
If you suspect
you're caught in the gas lighting whirlwind
consider these additional strategies.
One, trust your gut it's there to help you.
Two, document everything
your notes can be your reality check.
Three, seek support.
Ask a friend or family member
for their perspective.
Four, stay calm, respond,
don't react or you'll lose power.
Five, educate yourself.
Equip yourself with information
on gaslighting tactics.
Six, happy hobbies.
Do solo things that bring you joy and peace.
Seven, consider professional help.
I'll put a link at the end to men friendly therapy.
Assertiveness is your ally.
Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself
or be afraid, but do it anyway.
You must set the tone for the
kind of relationship you deserve.
You teach people how to treat you
based on what you allow.
If something feels off
and she can't or won't discuss it trust your gut.
She could be a narcissist or worse
you can't fix or cure her.
And if you're not sure
you'll want to watch my video on
the sneaky and not so sneaky red flags
and signs she is a narcissist.
If you are certain she's a narcissist
or can't manage to change
the dynamics of the relationship,
please, please, please
talk to a professional therapist.
I'll put a link in the notes
for the only company I know of
that's actually fair to men.
Now, to know how to handle an angry woman
you're going to want to watch that video now.
Remember, you're the protagonist in your story
and gaslighting is like a plot twist.
Take charge, stay savvy,
and keep your narrative true to you.
You deserve to be loved in a healthy way.
Thanks for being here.
Lots of love, God bless.