I do like sharing movies
with my kids, movies I grew up with,
classic movies.
That's always fun, like
The Sound of Music.
It's a great movie.
But I have discovered
that the movies we watch,
it's a different experience
the older we get.
If you watch The Sound of Music
in your 20s when you're single,
my attitude was, like,
"Go for it Maria.
"Sing on that mountain top
"and set those children free.
"Make them clothes out
"of curtains, hoorah."
(audience laughing)
And a couple of decades later,
I'm watching that movie,
and I think, that Captain Von Trapp,
he really kept those kids in line.
(audience laughing)
I mean, they did whatever he told
them to do.
It's great.
(audience laughing)
Maybe I should wear a whistle
around my neck, I don't know.
(audience laughing)
The Wizard of Oz.
That is adorable to show
tiny children, right?
Oh, man.
But now my kids are teenagers
and they're asking a lot more
questions.
We watched it again recently.
And Dorothy drops that house
on that witch in Oz, and then she
comes out in the movie,
all the munchkins come out to sing
to her, "Welcome, welcome."
The mayor sings a solo, the Lollipop
Guild they sing a solo,
and then they give a whole solo
to the coroner, if you remember.
♫ As coroner I must aver, ♫
♫ I thoroughly examined her. ♫
Oh, really?
He's got a document and everything.
Thoroughly examined?
Would you take a pulse of the two
feet sticking out of the house
before they curled up
like rotten carrots.
And so my kids are asking,
"What is a coroner, dad?"
And I said, Well, that is someone
who works full time for the city
and shows up at any homicide
to determine the cause of death.
So we all get to talking like, well,
if Munchkinland has
a full-time coroner,
there's a lot more homicide going on
in Munchkinland than we knew about.
(audience laughing)
I mean, there is crime.
That means there's got to be cops
working those little yellow streets.
Munchkin cops.
That's the show I want to see,
Munchkin Cops.
(audience laughing)
"Dew Drop, McGillicuddy.
"Get in here.
"I want your gun and your badge.
"You're done."
The only thing longer than the arm
of the law are there twirly twirling
mustaches.
(audience laughing)
We know they have an army,
the Munchkin army.
We see them when the parade comes
out for Dorothy.
It's, like, 50 little guys
in uniforms with little rifles,
and they're marching
in a straight line.
But as an army, they are awful.
They are terrible, because when
the Wicked Witch of the West
shows up, first thing these guys do,
watch the movie-- they just lay down
on the ground.
Prostrate on the ground
just like everybody else.
They throw their guns aside.
"Just like we practiced, boys."
(audience laughing)
It's a terrible defense.
(audience laughing)
And the mayor is still singing,
♫ As mayor of the Munchkin City-- ♫
Hey, stop singing, mayor,
because this day is a fiasco.
(audience laughing)
You got two witches in town,
you got a death on your street,
terrible military,
this is bad for election day.
You're going to have a whole smear
campaign against you.
"The mayor of the Munchkin City
"is soft on witches, soft on crime,
"and soft on house-dropping tornado
"girls from the sky."
Hi, I'm Henry Mushroom III,
and I'm running for mayor.
I'll stop
those house-dropping tornado girls
from the sky.
When I put
on my giant flower-shaped hat,
I go to work.
Lady and the Tramp.
That's another really cute movie
to show kids.
It's adorable.
It's so romantic, right?
Because those two characters
are dogs.
If they were people, that'd
be the creepiest romance
we could possibly watch.
It's not a good relationship
for people.
Like, "Hey, lady,
"I heard you met someone."
Yeah, he's a homeless guy.
(audience laughing)
He just got out of the joint.
(audience laughing)
We met while we were running
from the cops.
(audience laughing)
He calls himself 'The Tramp'.
"Oh, did he take you
"to a nice restaurant?"
Well, not inside the restaurant per se.
More like behind it in an alley,
and we ate out of the same bowl.
He's a keeper.
(audience laughing)