(Iconic Jacksepticeye clap)
Top o' the morning's you laddies. My name is Jacksepticeye
And welcome back to TABS, which is Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
(inhales) I (exhales)
there's two reason's for doing another one of these videos
the first one being it was fucking awesome and I loved it to bits and it was so damn funny
the 2nd one, is that I have to redeem myself because everyone thought I was really stupid
which, in a way I kind of was
good lord this game is loud
um yeah
calm down, relax there for a second
so
right lets just go into play
I have- I have to go back and do some of the levels before so-
When I was playing it last time
I did not realize that this arrow meant that thats the way my guys are pointing
and there's a couple of reasons for this. First off I thought it was a button that you could click to go back to the last level.
Thats why there was none over here cause I couldn't click the next level cause I hadn't got it done
umm-- so I thought I was clicking back to the last level so I never payed attention to it.
But also! This is supposed to be where my guys point.
So the blue guys come from this direction and I still line all my dude up here and they go that way
But when you start a round, it points you this way.
The camera comes this way, showing your guys going that way, showing your guys going to the right
but in the menu it shows you going to the left, so it was really completely counter intuitive
So I was like okay, like that's why it didn't pick it up as fast but now I know I should be lining my dudes this way
instead of this way. So what was level two? I completely forget, umm lets just put some boxers in.
uhh lets put some footmen in cause I love the footmen, those are the dudes with the swords
aaand we put some archers in right all at the back lines.
here we go
NICE
and a shit ton more boxers
By a shit ton I mean ahm- 3
aand now we put in some peasants
GO MEN!
there we go everybody's lined up better now this time
NICE! Now it actually looks like a full on raging battle!
... except my guys are getting destroyed already
where are my archers aiming?
are you guys even able to see the color blue?!
I don't think you are.
Where are you firing? You hit his pitchfork,
good fuckin job
wha- actually that's pretty decent, FIRE!
(cringes) .. yes! GO! kill 'em!
(cringing intensifies)
YEEAAHH we won! I have no idea how, cause you guys seem completely incompetent.
But that was good! Level three! Can I just stick in- ohh, I wish it would tell me what it was.
I'm gonna put in a bunch of footmen; just all footmen. There we go.
Lets see what happens!
Footmen v.s. boxers.
I got this RAAWR
I love the fuckin sound of them
I forgot to mention as well, this is also made by the people who made ClusterTruck. Landfall games, they're fuckin awesome I love them.
Awh this is the one with the archers as well .. shiittt
shit men!
go men go!
Yes! Kill them! Kill them all! (thats a bit sadistic don't you think)
Oh no, aw no! I only have one dude left and two archers! Get em'!
Awww, we almost did it! Okay! Start again! Lets fuckin do this.
Go shield dudes! Kill them all! I dunno how this is gonna work. Ah fuck
Dude stop showing your arse to them! He's showing his hips to them, thats why he died. Can I put down a canon?
Do I have enough for a canon? 300
No I need 500 for that
Spear men seem to work kinda well that time. So if I put one spearman...
And then one footman per spearman
uh nu! I put down spearmen but I meant to put down shields.
(Forgets he can delete before clicking play)
Not spearmen, shieldmen!
Yay! Now my dudes aren't running into each other! And thats why my archers were killing my dudes the last time
And everyone was in a conga line cause I fffucked up
It's ok I got it this time I got it this time- We're gonna get further than we ever have before
*inhale* Look! They're all dead already, yes! Except so are my guys.
By sheer will of numbers we will do this! All boxers! All day! Yo you don't have enough archers to take them all out.
punch- the SHIT out of them (nasty)
Come on! Ye sons of fucks! Here we go, I didn't know poachers were short bowmen.
I-tuh, I though bowmen were just bowmen (me too) I didn't know there were short and long bows.
So now it's poachers v poachers. Come on, we can win this!
Ye sacks of shits!
Kill the- what are you doin!?
He's not even fuckin firen at them he's firen at the ground.
I will fuck your world up bro!
I almost had that one, son of a fuck
K, just a bunch of short- oh chirst no. (Forgets he can delete before clicking play again)
A bunch of short bow men over here
I can't remember how I fuckin did this level last time.
And then a bunch of spearmen over this side.
because spearmen will be good against the boxers cause they got distance on them
I-don't fuckin I just *stutters* I'M JUST THROWING PEOPLE AT OTHER PEOPLE
Oh-Why did I put you guys behind each other and not in a line.
You're going to end up killing each other.
*sighs*
I GIVE UP!!!
Here we go, Surely you can kill them all now.
God, a load of my boxers just died.
C'mon, Theres only 2 left!
YES!
Y-YEAH-HA-HA'S
OHHH-HOO
RIGHT UP THE ARSE!
Ok, moving on (laughs)
Jeez that took way too long.
Lets just plonk down a bunch of chariots for this one.
Sorry Im pl-I'm like replaying the same levels...
but ahhf
W-What do you want me to do?
Be better? No.
Yes, go chariots, Go Chariots!
PLOW THROUGH THEM Al-ohh fucking jesus, Im breaking everything
Yeah-ha-ha-ha-ha
I LOVE THE CHARIOTS, THEY'RE SO FUCKING AWESOME!
THEY MESS UP EVERYONE!
NICE!!
Get'em, Get'em, Get'em, Get'em, Get'em, Get'em
I hate how their fucking aim is delayed.
Son of a fuck
ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
Like they're going like this, the dude is walking this way and they are firing AFTER him instead of hitting him.
HHHOOOhhh
nyha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha *gasps for air twice* ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
This is ALL canons
AH-Ha-ha-ha-ha
HO-OLY FU-UCK
FUCK'EM UUUPP!!!
(laughing)
That is so, AWESOME
AH-HA-HA-HA-HA
Oh my god i'm BLASTING through them all!
Don't move now, NO CROSSFIRE!
Just kill'em, Just kill'em, there we go,
KEEP THEM AT BAY
(more laughing)
the dude can't even hold onto his shield anymore,
this dude off in the distance is like "Fuck this, I am going home"
(more laughing)
FIRE LADS!!!
F-ohh you're going to end up killing each other.
ahh-See, are you FUCK..I WON, BUT AT WHAT COST You almost KILLED each other.
Christ that was AWESOME.
Okay, whats next?
see I don't fucking know
2 chariots,
ahhh
a bunch of spearmen,
a bunch of poachers,
aand footmen,
all in front.
(quickly) and a peasent *laughs*
Ohhhhh, Ohhhhh
EUUUGGHH My chariots are going to be killed already,
Okay, I need to go all canons again or something.
thats a lot of fucking dudes with shields
This is baloney
ohh-I'm gonna lose
I'm going to lose horribly
My chariots are doing okay but...
canons are the way forward.
canons get through those fucking shields,
Where are THESE guys going?
Okay, Let's try that again. Canons
I can only have 3 though
Let's see, might be enough. They are all clustered together, which is great
now FIRE
C'MON
Why are you firing UP?
N-ooo-shit
N-ahhh, Shit
Why are they able to take out canons so fucking easily?
BALLISTAS!
2 ballistas
ALL THE BALLISTAS!
What's good against *cuts off question*
Wait what is a fucking catapult be like?
Put a catapult in the back,
and you put a ballista here
and thenn,
a-buncha-archers
I don't know, I just want to see what this is like.
oh look at that catapult, it looks awesome
The ballista I know has an explosion radius kind of thing
OHH YEH-HSS
Fucking Catapult SUCKS!!!
ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
YOU SUCK!
*watches as his team gets piled onto*
Can I still win? No.
I can't aff *cuts off thought*
I launched myself at the end. I can't afford 2 catapults can I?
I fucking can!
A-HA!
NICE!
and
ooouuaa, Barbarians
footmen
Spearmen-Spearmen might be good against shields
This might be a loss.
Just, OH NOT CATAPULTS, BALLISTAS
Ohhhh, Fuck
woooOh ooOOOH
That was pretty cool, but ahh you suck.
fuck sake, no Ballistas
2 Ballistas
god damn it
and then, 3 footmen
THIS, This is it, this is the fucking, This is the calvary.
Yes What are you guys doing with the ballistas? shaking all around like that?
OHHH YES! *laughs* Oh wait they're not dead.
Ohh-t-t-ohh god theres some dude gone flying way over there *laughs*
Ahhh shit It doesn't KILL them.
My guys still alive?
(Face of disapproval)
never fuckin mind
3 chariots, 3 spearmen
Here we go RIGHT through the middle.
HHOOAAHH
I fucking love that
I love how chaotic it is with the chariots.
you just absolutely PILEDRIVE through everyone
Except the chariots suck at turning, AND COMING BACK
FUUUCK!!!
I don't even know whats going on anymore.
its a bunch of dudes in a graveyard, all pushing each other around,
This one guy is taking out too many of mine
This guy is in a fucking wall
and all these dudes are over here just dicking around
Theres a bunch of guys stuck in trees
I don't even know
This is, this is just like watching kids Slap the shit out of each other on a playground.
Now get him, right in the back
There you go
Now join your friend Nice
Nice backstabs
Backstab!
DID YOU FUCKING LOSE!?!
What am I raising a bunch-a-fuckin-babies
here we go, a bunch of poachers oh god the game is barely even running
Aha-ohh god
I'm just going to let the poachers do their job, They're gonna get SLAUGHTERED.
Woah, thats a SHIT-TON of arrows flying *laughs*
Now THIS, is a battle
oh god, all my dudes are almost dead already
Thats fucking nuts
Again this framerate is atrocious, I apologise
(laughing)
What takes out shields well?
Spears?
*frustratingly* I don't know
and it takes forever for each round to finish
all my dudes are dying so quick
it is cool to see all their bodies dead in the battlefield though
What is THIS clunder fuck doing over here?
what are ya doing?
well you're going to die now but what were you doing before?
There you go, just keep pushing them.
Just keep pushing. Thats all it takes
Its just pushing apparently for fucks sake
you know what? Screw this
lets-lets head back and lets try out the sandbox
OOOoohhhh
I get to pick what goes against what, okay
why you only give me 1500
see THIS is what the normal levels should be like
Showing you what the enemies have and what you have,
so you can compare and contrast and then you're like, Okay strategery needs to happen here
umm
right lets fi- lets just bo-do all canons v. all canons
okay, no clear that, uhh
OOOoohh I can actually just, its money SPENT, not money I have
Lets just do this
*laughs* oh god, Oh God, Ohhh Go-o-o-d
All canons v. all canons
Is it even gonna run? ohhhh god not really.
ahhhh-ye-jesus
OHH LORD!
Whats happening?
OOHHH THIS IS BATTLE! YESS! *Laughs*
Who's gonna win? I think Blue is gonna win
oh the reds had a bad formation, thers only 1 red left
Oh god that was awesome
Blue victory!
awe yes
um I want to see what it's like if I do all chariots
oh god, clear aand, clear
okay, I put it on low graphics
Just to see if it runs better, and now I'm just sticking a bunch of chariots everywhere
Oh god, these guys spent way more
Oh God!
okay then you need a-a few poachers in here
ohh, and then after that I'll do all archers vs all archers
Lets DO IT!
Blue should win again because they have a better setup Ohhh Myyy Goood
I can't even see whats happening Oh mother of jesus
stuff is glitching out all over the place
I mean, what did I expect, I just put a shit ton of chariots in there,
Ha Ha, the physics can't keep up
AWESOME! *laughs*
What is happening?
Is everybody dead?
I have no Idea Hello?
okay okay okay I apologize for that, you can't even watch that, okay
Lets put... Just...
uhh
a BUNCH of Poachers
its about the same, are you gonna run?
ahh god, what's the limit on the amount of people I can put in to get it to run properly?
K, we'll put
Just a line and, just a line
Close enough to spending the same amount on both
There we go, the exact same
the exact same amount of archers on both teams
Ohh oh we actually have somewhat of a decent framerate this time
Oh yeah, once they get in range now its gonna be "pftpftpft" (the sound of a ton of arrows shooting)
DO IT
This game is so cool
I wish it ran better but it IS just in Alpha So it'll get better eventually.
aww awesome :)
It's like those old western movies
Where guys are just across from each other, and they're shootin
But they're not hitting each other *laughs*
Why is BLUE always winning?
Blue is kicking ASS right now
WHY!?
Jesus red got SLAUGHTERED
Red sucks, Why do I have to be red everytime I play it?
do-do-do-do Blue victory okay...
So what would happen...
If I put...
Just... 2 lines of peasants, and over here...
I put a line of canons *laughter*
Ohh absolute CARNAGE would happen I would imagine
How far away can the canons shoot from?
Ohh this is gonna be awesome. Look at this dude back here.
He's just holding on for dear life.
OH GOD!
Can you shoot LOWER please, they keep shooting at their heads.
OH MY GOD, You guys are getting FUCKED
ohh its such a...
Again just sheer slaughter OH GOD NO
No dude AHH THEY'RE KILLING THEM
Are you serious?
Blue victory again?
BLASPHEMY, BLOOSPHEMY
Okay
Well I'm going to leave this episode here. That level is really hard to do.
Um, Well
I-I'm not very good at strategery anyway,
I-I just like... front loading a bunch of dudes and then trying to kill them
But its all, like f-but its all Frontmen and shields that I have to beat but,
I'll come back and I might try it again, this game is so awesome,
I love it so much, and I wanted to try out the sandbox mode anyway
So ANYWAY, at least i got-at least I figured out the arrow direction thing this time
I didn't fuck it up
But THANK you guys, so much for watching this episode, If you LIKED it,
PUNCH that like button, IN the face
LIKE A BOSS!!!
And, high-fives-all-around (outro music starts playing) WOOPISHH-WOOPISHH
but thank you guys and I will SEE ALL YOU DUDES...
IN THE NEXT VIDEO!!!
(Outro music starts to play at full volume)
(outro music)
(outro music ends)
I can't wait to see what this game becomes
Like if they fully flesh it out.
It'll be super awesome, if it runs super well
and you get like different battlegrounds and everything.
Hopefully they add battlegrounds with little traps around that you can shove people into.