Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this sick world.
"What do you think dick?"
Bride of the monster sounds like just another B Movie about a scientist
"I was classed as a madman."
...with plans for world domination...
"I will perfect my own race of Atomic Supermen who will conquer the world."
...and a killer octopus in his basement...
"OVER THE TOP SCREAMS."
screaming won’t make it seem any more real.
But the movie has a secret weapon.
It’s hard to review the films of Ed Wood without seeming mean-spirited.
...partly because while they’re hard to like ...
...they’re also impossible to hate.
"Lobo!"
and partly because it does seem like picking on someone just cos he’s got no money.
"I'll teach to disobey. You will obey."
It’s safe to say Bride of the Monster is not an expensive film,
which is why the walls of the bad guy’s lab come from a pantomime castle.
"I think you're right."
Why the good guy is attacked by stock footage from another film.
and why we get moments like this.
Kelton you place yourself here, you men surround the house."
Yeah, both of you.
"Yes indeed it was a tragic error."
But the film boasts Bela Lugosi
"My name seems to mean much to you."
Always a plus.
and it’s strong female lead is an icon of feminism.
"If she's gone to lake Marsh alone, I'll take her across my knee."
Okay maybe not that.
Actually, and almost unbelievably, the film has bigger problems than its budget.
"What in the world do you mean?"
For instance, this man has just found his fiancee’s crashed car in the middle of a swamp!
"Maybe after the accident she found her way back to road and headed into town...."
"There's a coffee shop about 10 miles back, let's go and check."
Yeah, maybe grab a cup of coffee while you're there.
Bloody Hell, he actually does.
"Now what about the monster story."
You’ve also got to question the competence of the police trying to find 12 missing men
"We've conducted every possible search."
Except of that spooky house at the epicentre of the disappearances where the mysterious scientist lives with his grunting assistant
But that doesn't seem suspicious at all.
"Oh wait a minute, here comes Dick!"
So far, so clumsily half-arsed, but then this film about lochness monsters
"Perhaps the Lochness monster crossed the ocean and came to the swamp."
Tibetan giants.
"I discovered him in the wildness of Tibet, he has become quite useful to me."
and atomic supermen
"You will be soon as big as a giant with the strength of 20 men, or like all the others dead."
...gets weird.
Ok, fair enough, Lobo’s in love with the girl, but why does he then do this?
It makes no sense. Possibly he thinks this will kill his boss but why not strangle him, or shoot him?
Of course the reason is that for the sake of the drama, Lugosi needs a taste of his own medicine.
And here I'm afraid the budget does become an issue again because, whichever way you look at it, he looks less like an atomic superman.
and more like a lanky stand-in wearing cuban heels.
Who is struck by lightning resulting in...
...which miraculously leaves everyone else unharmed.
"He tampered in God’s domain"
Umm… unless on the 8th day God created atomic supermen; no, he didn't!
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