I am from the heart
of the heartland, Des Moines, Iowa,
the city of silent letters.
And you always have to emphasize
the Iowa part, because some people
out there are
a little geographically challenged.
I'll do this.
I'll come up, or people will come up
to me after shows,
and be like, "Iowa guy,
"the great potato state."
And I'm like, that's not us.
(audience laughing)
I have people come up to me
and be like, "Iowa.
"Go Buckeyes.
"We love Lebron."
And I'm like, well in Iowa, we call
our Lebron Ashton Kutcher.
(audience laughing)
The worst one ever was, I was doing
a show in Florida, and this lady
comes up to me afterwards,
and she's like, "excuse me?"
Hits me with that double mask energy
right away, just that double mask
energy.
(audience laughing)
She's like, "my grandpa spent
"his whole life in Idaho,
"and I just texted him,
"and he said he never heard of
"Des Moines."
(audience laughing)
And I was like, yeah, Des Moines,
Idaho is stupid hard to find
on the map.
What you should do, start
in Cincinnati, head straight west,
and if you reached Indiana,
you've gone too far.
Some of you guys are still doing
the math on that.
They're like, I think he's talking
about Ohio still.
(audience laughing)
Legend has it he's still wandering
those parts looking for it, though.
It's like a Shangri-La.
I don't even know why I'm telling
you guys this.
What do the people of Utah
know about people having
preconceived notions and stereotypes
about them?
(audience laughing)
Oh, everything?
Cool.
It is so great to be here, though,
regardless of where you think I'm
from.
(audience laughing)
Yeah, it was weird getting here,
because I haven't flown since "it"
happened.
It?
9/11.
Just kidding.
Coronyrooroo, guys.
Just kidding.
And the pilots got weird, because I
usually expect them to tell me
to buckle my seat belt, but now they
make a whole to-do about it.
So what I expected to happen when I
board the plane is like, pilot hits
me, he's got positive vibes,
and he's like, "hey, make sure you
"buckle it up, because--
"full disclosure-- I haven't flown
"since "it" happened."
And I'm like, oh, I know this one.
He's like, "the Challenger disaster."
(audience laughing)
He's like, "just go ahead and make
"sure you buckle up,
"because you know what they say--
"shift happens during flights."
(audience laughing)
Those are called belly button jokes,
because it just sounds
like your Uncle Kenny made it
at the thanksgiving table.
Yeah, that's great, pal.
I just came here
for the sweet potato pie.
But what really happened though--
I walk up to the pilot.
He's got sad boy energy vibes.
Been listening to Billie Eilish
all day or something like that.
He's like, "hey, make sure you buckle
"your seat belt,
"because I haven't flown since "it"
"happened."
And I'm like, Challenger disaster?
He's like, "no.
"Why would you even say that?
"I haven't flown since Pearl Harbor."
I'm like, dang,
we got a lot
of plane-related tragedies
in this country.
Of course, the pilot was just going
on and on about it.
And the guy in front of us at one
point turns around, and he's like,
"man, this guy's really beating
"a dead horse."
And that is triggering for me.
OK.
It's OK if you say it.
I love that for you, hate that
for me.
Love it for you, hate it for me,
because it doesn't make any sense.
I got one policy when it comes
to hitting animals.
Hit them if they're being a racist.
But what's the flaw in the logic
there?
What's the number one job for horses
in this country?
Racing.
(audience laughing)
Zoom.