What's up CreaTiffs? Welcome to the Tiffy Show. Today I'm going to answer the question,
should you write a letter to your ex? If you haven't, make sure you turn on notifications.
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Breakups are hard to do. Let's just get that out of the way, especially if you've been together
with the person for a very long time, or the relationship was super intense. It's very hard
to end that and to let it go. Sometimes when that happens, you have a lot of feelings that never
got discussed. And you have a lot on your chest that you want to let the person know,
or you love that person so deeply "and I just can't believe they're gone." So you want to
write your ex a letter in losing the other person, you might have this brilliant idea
of writing a letter. Yes, a handwritten pigeon-carrying old school paper letter.
You get that idea to do because you want to ignite some feelings... Well, we'll get into that.
The main point of this is should you write your ex a letter? First I'm going to say,
know yourself. Know yourself. If you were going to write a letter to your ex,
nothing I say is going to stop you. So let's just go through the process
together to kind of open some ideas in your head. To maybe put a pause on some emotions
and see what you really want to get out of writing your ex a letter. Because ultimately
this is about your feelings and no matter what you say, you want something out of this.
From personal experience, I've never written a letter to an ex that's because I'm an Aquarius.
I bury my feelings deep down in the pit of my stomach. I never let them out. I have an ego,
I have pride. I want to win. So no, I have never written a letter to my ex. Also, I'm super nerdy
and lame, and I've had very few relationships and most of them have just ended on my part. I'm not
trying to be cool. I've had so few that I just happened to end them. So I never really had to
write a letter to someone or feel like I lost the love of my life.
That being said, a lot of my friends have written letters to their exes, and we will talk about
their responses in that later. But what you want to ask yourself when writing your ex a letter is,
why do you want to write this letter? Usually it comes down to the feelings that you have inside.
But three types of letters that you want to write your ex. Number one, you want to write
to get them back. Number two, you want to write to tell them off, like they ruined your life,
this is why they ruined your life X, Y, Z. Third, you want some closure and I have a video
on closure, so you should definitely go watch that if you're hoping to get closure from this letter.
I know you're going to talk to friends before you write this letter. And you're going to probably
lie to them and say, it doesn't matter if this person writes back, you're just doing this to get
these feelings off of your chest. And we all know that's a lie. You're writing the letter because
you want some acknowledgement from the letter. You want to open a conversation and you want to
keep that connection still there. You want to remind the person, "hey, I'm still here.
Remember I cared about you. Remember I was the best thing that ever happened to you."
On that note, I find that usually when it comes to writing letters, it's the dumpee
that wants to write the dumper a letter. So they want to try to hold onto what they had.
Now you have to remember that a person that broke up with you, the dumper,
doesn't have the same intense feelings that you have. It's best to kind of give
them a little space which I'll get into. But I always find that it's the dumpee that wants to
keep that communication open because they're trying to keep some sort of spark, some sort of
connection. And I understand completely because it's hard to let a relationship go. Especially
one that's long or intense, or that was great or you felt like you put so much time into it.
Does writing a letter work? Well, I did some research on my own,
in my research I asked my group of friends and surprisingly, a lot of them have written
letters. So I suggest you go ask your friends, you're going to be shockedth...
shocked. I tried to make it a cool word and it didn't really work. But you're going to be
shocked at the amount of friends that have written letters and they're going to be embarrassed about
it. But you know what, dig deep and let them feel that embarrassment so they never do it again.
Out of the friends that I talked to that have written letters to their ex's,
100% of them did not get the response or outcome that they desired. And also 100%
of them regretted sending the letter in the first place. That is because over time
they lost the feelings and that intensity that they had when they wrote the letter and they
eventually got over the person themselves. Part of it is also that they feel like there's this
letter out there. That's just in the drawer of some ex feeding their ego whenever the ex feels
bad about themselves. They're like, "damn, I wish I could take that letter back because I
don't feel the same." But most likely the ex's don't have the letters but when you put your
feelings on paper and you just know what's out there in the world, you get kind of paranoid.
Ultimately what you need to do is let time pass. And that's what I've learned from my friends is
that if they had let the time pass, they probably would have never written the letter in the first
place. And they would feel less regret and embarrassment from it because we all want to
win. So when you don't get that response back from that letter, you feel sad. With that being said,
my biggest tip is to let time pass. I'm not telling you to not write the letter, I am
telling you to put a pause on writing it directly after a breakup. You need to let at least three
months pass, I believe, the more, the better. But after three months, if you still feel the intense
feelings that you need to get something off of your chest, that you need to communicate with
this person, then yes, write that letter. Know yourself, do what you need to do to feel better.
Just remember in sending this letter, if you haven't heard from them,
they probably had no desire to ever contact you again. In writing this letter. I just want you
to be prepared that you are not going to get the outcome that you desire. I say that because just
human nature. We make up these stories in our head, and we give the other person lines and a
reaction to what we're going to do and when does it ever work out that way? Never. I want you to
go into this knowing that this letter is not going to bring you guys back together. I'm usually not
that person that's rooting against the situation, but in this one, I'm rooting that you're probably
not going to get back together. I have a video on getting back together with your ex, you can
check it out the link below. Writing a letter was not on that list. Let me just say that right now.
So if you're writing a letter, you are writing it for yourself.
You're putting your feelings out there, but just don't expect any feelings or
response back. That is the best way that I have to tell you so you don't
get your feelings hurt. Because I'm just trying to save feelings from getting hurt.
Great example that I can give you is that if a friend zoned person, a person that you, a friend
zoned to the max, you couldn't have friend zoned them more, you have no feelings for this person;
has sent you a letter expressing their love, saying they want to be with you. You are the
best thing that's ever happened to their life. They want to be boyfriend and girlfriend or
boyfriend and boyfriend, or girlfriend and girlfriend. Most likely you are not
going to change your feelings. You are still going to look at that person as friend zone.
I need you to take that feeling and put it towards this letter because that's,
what's going to happen when you send this letter to your ex that has moved on. It's
not going to ignite some feelings that they had stored deep down inside, and they didn't know
until they got your letter and "oh my god, I have feelings for her." That's not going to happen.
Just know that going into it and I think you'll have less pressure and you might
even decide not to send the letter in the first place which I'm rooting for.
You will just kind of realize that over time you will heal yourself.
What I would suggest you do instead is to write a letter to yourself. And go over the relationship,
go over everything that this person did, that was wrong, that upset you, that made you upset
in this relationship. Write down everything that you feel you did wrong in this relationship that
you could have been better at. Take that letter, put it in a drawer and have it as a reminder
whenever you get sad. Whenever you think back on this past relationship like, "oh my God,
I'm missing the best times of my life." Go read that letter and you will be reminded of why you
guys broke up. What he needs to work on, or she needs to work on and what you need to work on.
Ultimately that will help you grow. So you take a new perspective to a new relationship.
That is all I have to say about whether or not you should write your ex a letter.
Ultimately it is your decision. I wanted to kind of give you a pause
and let you know to let time pass. If you enjoyed this video, make sure that you share it, like,
subscribe and comment. Comment below. Let me know if you've ever written a letter to an ex
because I need to know and also let me know if it worked. I will see you next time. Stay CreaTiff.